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Can I vent for a minute?

My sister got married in November, which ate alot of my wedding budget, seeing as how I'm getting married on 7/25. My fiance and I made our initial guest list and cut it in half, keeping only the very important people. My rsvp due date is 7/10 and there are a bunch of folks who havent yet responded. So, I sent a text to my friends reminding them to get it in the mail and I get responses from two friends. The first said that she'll be out of the country and can't come. She's known about the wedding for a while now and her trip makes me feel so insignificant especially because I know she booked it last minute. My other friend make a big deal about having a plus one (she didnt initially because of the budget) and eventually got it from a few of the declines we received. Because I texted her, she finally found the time to tell me her BF has to work that day and she can't come afterall. She did not atted ANYTHING we did for the wedding -- I had 2 engagement parties and 2 showers and a bachelorette in 3 weeks -- and she couldnt commit to ONE thing! I've said it when I was sick and there was no one to take care of me, but seriously -- it's times like these that make you realize who your real friends are. I'm SO disappointed...a wedding happens once in a lifetime and these people cant get their stuff together enough to come.
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Re: Can I vent for a minute?

  • I'm sorry that really sucks..but remember that other people can't put their lives on hold for your wedding..like your friends out of the country trip, i'm sure she didn't plan it to spite your wedding..she is going on vacation and thats the only/best time to go, or maybe for work or something?

    I dont understand why your other friend can't come if her boyfriend is working the night of your wedding, why can't she attend alone?

    And why did your sisters wedding eat up YOUR wedding budget?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_can-vent-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fb752b27-80c1-4ac9-8df7-c98c1212206cPost:129f81dc-982d-423e-8f57-9c228c70f564">Can I vent for a minute?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister got married in November, which ate alot of my wedding budget, seeing as how I'm getting married on 7/25. My fiance and I made our initial guest list and cut it in half, keeping only the very important people. My rsvp due date is 7/10 and there are a bunch of folks who havent yet responded. So, I sent a text to my friends reminding them to get it in the mail and I get responses from two friends. The first said that she'll be out of the country and can't come. She's known about the wedding for a while now and her trip makes me feel so insignificant especially because I know she booked it last minute. My other friend make a big deal about having a plus one (she didnt initially because of the budget) and eventually got it from a few of the declines we received. Because I texted her, she finally found the time to tell me her BF has to work that day and she can't come afterall. She did not atted ANYTHING we did for the wedding -- I had 2 engagement parties and 2 showers and a bachelorette in 3 weeks -- and she couldnt commit to ONE thing! I've said it when I was sick and there was no one to take care of me, but seriously -- <strong>it's times like these that make you realize who your real friends are</strong>. I'm SO disappointed...a wedding happens once in a lifetime and these people cant get their stuff together enough to come.
    Posted by Mish2g[/QUOTE]
    Give me a break.  Your friends can't make it to your pre-wedding parties, wah.  This is not the time that you NEED your friends.  You know when you do?  When your dog dies at 3 in the morning.  Or your sister gets diagnosed with cancer.  Or you have a miscarriage...  THAT's when you find out who your "true" friends are.

    Does it suck that they can't make it.  Of course.  But it doesn't mean that they don't care about you just because events in their lives prevent them from attending.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_can-vent-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:fb752b27-80c1-4ac9-8df7-c98c1212206cPost:129f81dc-982d-423e-8f57-9c228c70f564">Can I vent for a minute?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister got married in November, <strong>which ate alot of my wedding budget</strong>, seeing as how I'm getting married on 7/25. My fiance and I made our initial guest list and cut it in half, keeping only the very important people. My rsvp due date is 7/10 and there are a bunch of folks who havent yet responded. So, I sent a text to my friends reminding them to get it in the mail and I get responses from two friends. The first said that she'll be out of the country and can't come. She's known about the wedding for a while now and her trip makes me feel so insignificant especially because I know she booked it last minute. My other friend make a big deal about having a plus one (she didnt initially because of the budget) and eventually got it from a few of the declines we received. Because I texted her, she finally found the time to tell me her BF has to work that day and she can't come afterall. She did not atted ANYTHING we did for the wedding -- I had 2 engagement parties and 2 showers and a bachelorette in 3 weeks -- and she couldnt commit to ONE thing! I've said it when I was sick and there was no one to take care of me, but seriously -- it's times like these that make you realize who your real friends are. I'm SO disappointed...a wedding happens once in a lifetime and these people cant get their stuff together enough to come.
    Posted by Mish2g[/QUOTE]


    Oh so you gave your sister money out of your own savings account?  Because you certainly don't mean that your parents gave her some money and you think that you were entitled to all their money, right?  Because that would make you crazy.  So that was nice of you to share your savings with your sister.
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  • How did your sister getting married "eat most of your wedding budget"?

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  • If I had a friend that was such an AW that she had that many parties in 3 weeks, I'd be tired of celbrating her real quick-like. Way to overload your friends.

    Also, Its nice of you to apy for your sister's wedding. That is what you meant, right? Otherwise her wedding wouldn't have any effect on your budget.
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  • Do you mean you had to pay for things for you to get to her wedding? Plane ticket? BM dress? Things like that? or do you mean you gave her money for her wedding? I am confused?

    Your friends don't have to drop everything they are doing to go to all the things for your wedding.

    Wow you put your RSVP date 15 days before your wedding? That sucks.

    5 parties in 3 weeks is crazy . Thats alot of stuff to do.

    I understand what your saying but your friends aren't going to stop there lives to go to your wedding or wedding activities . For all you no there are alot of reasons people can't come.
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  • I'm not really seeing the big deal.

    I think you need to realize that your wedding isn't going to be as important to your friends as it is to you.  Some are going to do other things that are more important to them and that has to be OK.

    Yes, this is a once in a lifetime event but you need to let it go.  And don't stress about your guests' responses until your response date.
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited July 2010
    You like parties? Why were they so darn close together? And i too hope the money comment was about YOU paying for travel, gifts, etc. for your sister. But, yes it stinks about your friends. They are your true friends, they just have their own lives. They arent going out of their way to not come, so move on.

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  • I can understand being upset over your friends not coming, especially if you consider them to be close friends. Totally understand how the lack of enthusiasm makes you feel insignificant. But you AREN'T insignificant. Maybe they just don't view the issue at hand the way you do.

    I don't know what your financial circumstances are, but if you are anything like me, any little thing can cut into your savings.

    Some people DO still live pay check  to pay check. Not that this necessarily applies to you, but for the other people who posted who can't comprehend how a big event like a siblings wedding could eat away your savings.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_can-vent-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fb752b27-80c1-4ac9-8df7-c98c1212206cPost:5e64c522-2d5b-4077-9e94-4d55e4dae99a">Re: Can I vent for a minute?</a>:
    [QUOTE] Not that this necessarily applies to you, but for the other people who posted who can't comprehend how a big event like a siblings wedding could eat away your savings.
    Posted by Srbageldog[/QUOTE]


    I think everyone comprehends it. The way she stated it leaves a little to be desired . I mean did she help pay for her wedding? Or did she have alot of travel expenses from the wedding that she didn't realize?  I am guess that her sister wedding didn't just pop out of no where . Not to mention  why would you eat into  your wedding fund ?
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  • That I do not know. I won't touch my wedding fund for anything un-wedding related. And another persons wedding doesn't count as "wedding related". ;)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_can-vent-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fb752b27-80c1-4ac9-8df7-c98c1212206cPost:b4b09119-de21-490b-b984-ee19949c2350">Re: Can I vent for a minute?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That I do not know. I won't touch my wedding fund for anything un-wedding related. And another persons wedding doesn't count as "wedding related". ;)
    Posted by Srbageldog[/QUOTE]

    Exactly . I don't see why she would touch her wedding fund . Ugh who knows she hasn't clued us all in yet .lol.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_can-vent-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fb752b27-80c1-4ac9-8df7-c98c1212206cPost:129f81dc-982d-423e-8f57-9c228c70f564">Can I vent for a minute?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister got married in November, which ate alot of my wedding budget, seeing as how I'm getting married on 7/25. My fiance and I made our initial guest list and cut it in half, keeping only the very important people. My rsvp due date is 7/10 and there are a bunch of folks who havent yet responded. So, I sent a text to my friends reminding them to get it in the mail and I get responses from two friends. The first said that she'll be out of the country and can't come. She's known about the wedding for a while now and her trip makes me feel so insignificant especially because I know she booked it last minute. My other friend make a big deal about having a plus one (she didnt initially because of the budget) and eventually got it from a few of the declines we received. Because I texted her, she finally found the time to tell me her BF has to work that day and she can't come afterall. She did not atted ANYTHING we did for the wedding -- I had 2 engagement parties and 2 showers and a bachelorette in 3 weeks -- and she couldnt commit to ONE thing! I've said it when I was sick and there was no one to take care of me, but seriously -- it's times like these that make you realize who your real friends are. I'm SO disappointed...<strong>a wedding happens once in a lifetime and these people cant get their stuff together enough to come.</strong>
    Posted by Mish2g[/QUOTE]

    Correction: YOUR wedding happens once in a lifetime (generally).  It's one of the most important days of YOUR life, not everyone elses.  Yes, it sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it.
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  • Wow. I had to miss a lot of friends weddings throughout the years because of work and finances. I love them dearly. I saw all the pictures and felt bad I couldn't make it. I was so, so, so happy for them. I hope they don't think this way of me.
  • In her defense, my sister's wedding also cut the budget on my wedding by a lot.

    I had planned mine for late July and my parents had given me a set budget. I made the guestlist and booked the venue based on that budget.

    A few months later, my sister gets engaged and plans her wedding for this October. My parents had to lower the budget for my wedding because hers was so close to mine. It wouldn't have been a problem, except I'd already booked a more expensive venue based on what they'd originally told me. Now we have to pay a few thousand dollars out of pocket.

    Maybe something similar happened here?

    Anyway, I wouldn't blame your first friend. Maybe it was the only time she could go on vacation or something.

    Your second friend sounds a little iffy. Why couldn't she come just bc her boyfriend has to work? and she didn't even come to one of your events? If she's just an acquaintance, no big deal. If she's a best friend, however, honestly that sounds a little wrong to me.

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  • Your friends are allowed to leave the country.

    They also not have to attend 5 or 1 pre-wedding parties.  Does this girl know anyone else who is invited to the wedding?  She may not want to attend w/out her bf if she doesn't know anyone else.  That could also be a reason why she didn't attend your parties, not that she needs a reason.
  • You sound really self-absorbed here, OP. Who threw you that many parties in 3 weeks?! Geez, I would be tired of celebrating YOUR BIG DAY by the time it got here, too.
  • What I really don't understand is why you had 2 engagement parties and 2 bridal showers?? I think you are being a little over the top with your friends and your sister. I mean that is YOUR SISTER! You should be happy for her and not blame her for having her wedding before yours. Seems a little selfish to me.
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