Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Registry and Gift Forum
Registry and Gift Forum
New Discussion
Options

charity instead

aminor7aminor7
First Comment
in Registry and Gift Forum
My fiancee and I have decided not to register for gifts. Before we lived together we had both lived on our own since college and have everything we need. If people felt obliged to get us something we wanted to suggest donations to a charity. I have a specific one in mind. So my question is how to get this out there? I know it's a faux pas to put registry information on the invitations, but does that go for this sort of situation? For example, would writing something like, your presence at our wedding is gift enough, blah blah blah charity information be appropriate? Or is this something that should be relayed to guests through other avenues, like you would with a traditional registry?

Thanks for any advice....
Report Reply to Post

Re: charity instead

  • Options
    kmt_caskmt_cas
    First Comment
    You can really only do it by word of mouth through your family and friends.  I know your heart is in the right place, but selecting a charity for them might get you some big backlash.  Why not just have your BP and family say, they would love if you donate to a charity that is close to your heart or if you would like a suggestion they are closely connected with X charity. 

    It's actually kind of strange.  I was all for donations to charity instead of gifts/favors, but I went to a wedding where the charity was very much against what I believe and I resented the fact that a donation was "made in my name".  I know this situation is different, but it has made me do a 180 in regards to this type of request.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    THere are others on her ewho can state it more eloquently than I, but charitable giving is, and should be, a very personal thing. While you can suggest that people give  adonation in your name, I personally wouldn't. If I wanted to give you a gift, then I want to give you something that YOU will benefit from. GIving to a charity only benefits my tax position and that charity. I'd rather not give a gift at all. If you don't want a gift that I picked out based on my feelings for you, then screw it. No gift. I make donations to charities that I care about already. If you choose to take my gift and donate it, then that's up to you, but telling me where to send cash is not cool.

    Another thing that clouds my thinking on this is that I was raised to be a greatful recipient. If someone offers a gift and I refuse, then I feel like I am insulting them, their taste, and their feelings for me. If someone wants to give YOU money, and you tell them, Nah, that's ok, I dont need or want your gift, give it to this person, they might as well keep their money. If they wanted to give to that person, they would have offerred their money to the other person/charity in the first place.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    I think you could offend a lot of people with this.  Plus it's just not proper etiquette at all.  You shouldn't put anything about gifts on the invitation, even saying you don't want gifts.  What you can do is not register and if people ask where you are registered or what you want, you can just explain that you guys don't need gifts and that they shouldn't feel obligated to give anything; however, if they would like to, you're a big fan of xyz charity.  Leave it at that. 

    Some people wont' feel comfortable giving to the charity, some people only want to give a gift.  So you should expect that you will get some gifts.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    When I ask where someone is registered it is because I want to give them a gift.  I don't want to donate to charity and I specifically don't want to be told what charity to donate to.  Charity donations are a very personal thing.

    It is not appropriate to put your wishes on paper (invites, STDs etc).  Spread by word of mouth that you aren't registered and don't want anything but if they feel like giving a gift you would appreciate a donation to the charity.

    But, I would never donate to a charity instead of getting someone a wedding gift; I probably wouldn't buy them anything at all and I also would not donate to the charity.  I have the charities I can afford to donate to and like already and I like to make my donation decisions on my own and on my own time schedule. There will be guests that are uncomfortable with donating instead of giving a present so be prepared to deal with that, as well.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AnneMargaretAnneMargaret member
    First Comment
    IF you do decide to suggest *through word of mouth* a particular charity, it should be something that you are personally connected to, not something random.  For example, my cousin made a donation to the American Cancer society instead of doing favors at her wedding, because her mom lost her 30+ year battle with cancer 4 months before she got married.  Everyone knew why she donated to that particular charity, so no one was offended.  I thought about donating to the charity PKS Kids instead of favors, because my godson has Pallister-Killian Syndrome, but I probably won't because most of my FI's family won't know what that is. 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards