How do I deal with this drama?

EmilyRyan603 · May 2012

I've been engaged for a year and a half, FINALLY getting married in about 2 weeks! But now the drama unfolds from my fiance's side of the family.

Long story short, 1 of his 3 sisters quit being my bridesmaid back in February. She also took her boyfriend & kids out of the wedding as we had gotten into an argument about something completely unrelated to the wedding. Before the argument she even refused to come to the bridesmaid dress appointment (that everyone agreed on a month in advance since one of my bridesmaids lives out of town) so I know she must have been wanting out to begin with anyways.

Fast forward to 2-3 weeks before the wedding & now she wants to be a bridesmaid again even though it's way too late to order the bridesmaid dress. She also wants her kids to stand up again and her mom (my FMIL) wants ME to pay for their outfits.

My fiance and I have been planning this wedding for a year and a half without any input from either sides of our families and now all of a sudden right before the wedding his side wants say in everything. My aunt is paying for the wedding food and my fiance's family doesn't like any of the food choices even though they're not offering to help.

How do I deal with this drama they're causing? How do I respond to the rude texts and phone calls I'm receiving about all of this mess? I'm at a loss for words.

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

You left your FI handle his sister and he'd better have your back 100%.

LDubHawksFan · May 2012

You are 2 weeks out?! I would ignore their requests. That ship has sailed and you should be focusing on enjoying your day, not stressing about this. Food has been chosen, and dresses have been ordered. I would tell them sorry, but it's too late to make changes but you are looking forward to them being guests.

Fluffernut · May 2012

Personally, I would just say something to FSIL like, "We are really looking forward to you joining us as guests at our wedding, but at this point in the planning process, we really can't change the wedding party." Who does that? Backs out then tries to slide back in, especially when dresses have obviously been ordered. And why would YOU have to pay for the dresses/outfits? Ridiculous.

As for the texts, I would ignore them. With phone calls, I would simply say that the plans have been made. End of story. There aren't a lot of changes that are going to go on with two weeks to go.

Muffin'sMom · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-i-deal-with-this-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8a39d421-71b4-4134-a29d-c15cbfa9a617Post:42449633-e5b5-4ef7-aec0-b21f7fede14e">How do I deal with this drama?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been engaged for a year and a half, FINALLY getting married in about 2 weeks! But now the drama unfolds from my fiance's side of the family. Long story short, 1 of his 3 sisters quit being my bridesmaid back in February. She also took her boyfriend & kids out of the wedding as we had gotten into an argument about something completely unrelated to the wedding. Before the argument she even refused to come to the bridesmaid dress appointment (that everyone agreed on a month in advance since one of my bridesmaids lives out of town) so I know she must have been wanting out to begin with anyways. Fast forward to 2-3 weeks before the wedding & now she wants to be a bridesmaid again even though it's way too late to order the bridesmaid dress. She also wants her kids to stand up again and her mom (my FMIL) wants ME to pay for their outfits. My fiance and I have been planning this wedding for a year and a half without any input from either sides of our families and now all of a sudden right before the wedding his side wants say in everything. My aunt is paying for the wedding food and my fiance's family doesn't like any of the food choices even though they're not offering to help. How do I deal with this drama they're causing? How do I respond to the rude texts and phone calls I'm receiving about all of this mess? I'm at a loss for words.
Posted by EmilyRyan603[/QUOTE]

Your FIANCE calls his mother and sister and says this: "I'm sorry that this has turned out this way. We really wanted you and your children to be a part of our wedding. Unfortunately, we have run out of time and out of funds to make changes this close to the day. We love you much, and want you there, but we won't be able to make those things happen." Then, he hangs up, changes the subject, whatever...but refuses to get drawn into any more discussion. This was HER choice...not yours.

OliveOilsMom · May 2012

Just ignore their drama. Know that you and FI planned a wedding you can afford and will enjoy. FI should be handling this mess with FSIL and FMIL. PP have great advice about what to say to your FSIL if she corners you about the WP.

OBX2011 · May 2012

Agree with PP's. This is where FI should come in to handle all of this mess. You don't want to start off on the wrong foot with the IL's.

And as stressful as this may be right now, just stay focused on the bigger picture of your wedding day

MairePoppy · May 2012

Ditto Muffin's Mom. Let your fi handle it.

EmilyRyan603 · May 2012

Thank you ladies so much for the advice!!!!!!!! It has helped tremendously!!!!!! Funny story though, his sisters and mom went behind my back to try to rush order a bridesmaid dress for the one sister who isn't standing up anymore. David's Bridal could have gotten it in time (which is crazy) but she didn't have enough money for it. INSANE!

kmmssg · May 2012

OK, that is crazy!! Is they how they normally roll? If I were you I would have been livid if she had popped up with a dress when it had already been addressed.

Did your FI discuss going behind your backs with his mom and sisters? I'm hoping for your sake you guys don't all live real close to each other.

megsch88 · May 2012

This is a family thing: Let FI talk to to mom and sis about it. Either that or ignore the requests. You most certainly do not have to put them back in the wedding, especially this close to the date. No way.

EmilyRyan603 · May 2012

I had him talk to his family about everything, and they tried rush ordering a dress AGAIN with only 1 week till the wedding. I broke down crying to my fiance asking why his family is causing all this unnecessary drama? He talked to them AGAIN and now his family is upset with me for not letting his sister stand up. I'm sorry, but she took herself out of the wedding, not me, and now with 4 days until the wedding I'm going nuts.

I pray none of you ladies ever have to go through this.

How do I deal with this drama?

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