Help! Questions About Kids

mbatzlaff · May 2011

I know there have been posts about inviting kids to weddings, but I have yet to find one like my situation. I'm getting married in an old church. It's the kind of place where someone would sneeze and be heard throughout the place. My wedding planner recommended not inviting kids because crying and screaming would echo really loud. My FI and I already agreed that we don't want young children at the ceremony, but we have a few concerns.

We would like to invite children to the reception, but don't know how to tell people kids are not welcome at the ceremony but can come to the reception. I don't think thats something that can go on an invitation.

We've talked about getting a hotel room for the children and hiring some trusted local teens to babysit for an hour or so, but I'm not sure how our friends/family will feel about dropping off their kids with complete strangers.

What age do we use as a cut off for the ceremony? (My main concern is babies)

Can we still have a children for flower girl and ring bearer if other kids aren't invited?

Any advise would be appreciated!

Christine&Joshua · May 2011

Yes, you can still have FG and RB at the ceremony

I would cut it off at 1st graders or maybe kindergarteners. If they aren't used to a setting where they have to behave (i.e. elementary school) they probably won't behave in the church.

I'm not sure that you'd really be following any etiquette rules with this one. You're breaking a few though lol. Tons of people will probably call you "rude." You're just being practical.

I have two suggestions

1) Send out separate invitations for the ceremony and reception. Ceremony invites will only be addressed to parents. Reception invites will invite the family.

2) Address the invitations to the parents only but include children's names on the reception card.

The best way with this might be word of mouth, but be prepared that people might get angry. Where are they supposed to put their kids during the ceremony?

schmella · May 2011

"We've talked about getting a hotel room for the children and hiring some trusted local teens to babysit for an hour or so, but I'm not sure how our friends/family will feel about dropping off their kids with complete strangers."

What about hiring someone to watch the kids AT the church? Don't most churches have small rooms or nurseries? Parents might feel more comfortable if the kids are in the same building. You could include a card in the invitations just for parents that says that a sitter will be provided at the church for young children- the kids will be happier hanging out in a playroom type setting anyways. You could provide coloring books and crayons or other activities to keep them occupied.

mbatzlaff · May 2011

Actually this church doesn't have a nursery. There aren't still services held there and most of the building is off limits. The wedding planner said there is no space available within the church for kids. She is the one who suggested getting a hotel room.

Thanks for all of the suggestions. I really appreciate your input!

holi108 · May 2011

Yea... I don't know how you go about saying your kids can't come to the ceremony but they can come to the reception. Not sure that is entirely appropriate.
The idea about having a sitter at the hotel would be a good idea but it's not something you write in your invite. It would have to be something that you call up the parent and say hey I am offering a sitting services at the hotel, etc, etc. but you would still run the risk of them being there because some parents might not like the idea of leaving them in the care of someone they don't know.

I will to doing the coloring books at my ceremony to keep them occupied so I really like that idea.

You could even do an "adult only" wedding. I know there is language out there for the invites and it is not uncommon either.

Good Luck!

mbatzlaff · May 2011

Thanks everyone! I'm leaning towards just inviting adults to both the ceremony and reception. That way if people ask about bringing kids it gives me the chance to explain the ceremony venue and also warn about the potential of a few of our friends drinking too heavily at the reception. I'm hoping that people will understand the situation if I offer a sitter (for the ceremony) at that point.

I honestly won't be offended if some people decide not to come or don't attend the ceremony but come to the reception. I don't want to upset people and I think this might be a better way to go.

Help! Questions About Kids

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