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September 2010 Weddings

Pre-Nups?

This might be a touchy subject, but I am curious what everyone else is doing about a pre-nuptual agreement before the wedding.  Are you having one or not?  Why or why not??
"Imperfection is beauty; madness is genious. And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring" ~ Marilyn Monroe Anniversary
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Re: Pre-Nups?

  • I know it's the logical thing to do, but it seems so much like preparation for a divorce.  It feels so jinxy to me.

    We joked about doing it, but I doubt we will.
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    TTC since 2010
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  • Not having one and didn't even think about it. FI and I are on equal play fields financially. I also do believe we will be together forever so it's really not needed in our case.
    Alison and Tom 9~11~10
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    Anniversary
  • We are not doing it. FI always joked (before we were engaged) that he'd require it, but then he found out I have more money than him. :-) But we wouldn't have done it anyway.
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    I love my puppy ... and my husband, I swear!
  • edited July 2010
    Totally understand WHY people do this but neither of us has anything to give. And, though it may sound naive, 1. I believe we'll never need one and 2. the idea of all of it just makes me sad. But, we're at the same place and just don't see a need for it. If either of us had a trust fund/an inheritance or even a hefty SAVINGS maybe, but we're po' folks.
    image
  • I don't think it has anything to do with how much money you currently have.

    I always recall someone making the argument for a pre-nup talking about Jessica Simpson and Nick lache or whatever his name is.  When they got married he was all on top of the world and singing for New Kids?  whoever I forget.  Anyway, she was just a newbie country singer.   They never signed a pre-nup or they did but it only protected him, whetever, I forget...damn I am messing up this story...ANYWAY, my point is, when they got divorced, his career was finished but she had tons of money and so SHE ended up getting screwed.
    image
    TTC since 2010
    Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
    DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
    BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
    IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
    Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
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  • We are not doing one because neither of us have any money or any super nice material things! haha

    Baby Jaxon born 8/18/2012 @ 9:53am, 7lb 2oz!! At 37 weeks 5 days due to Pre-E via C-section.Baby Birthday Ticker Tickerimageimage
  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    [QUOTE]I don't think it has anything to do with how much money you currently have. I always recall someone making the argument for a pre-nup talking about Jessica Simpson and Nick lache or whatever his name is.  When they got married he was all on top of the world and singing for New Kids?  whoever I forget.  Anyway, she was just a newbie country singer.   They never signed a pre-nup or they did but it only protected him, whetever, I forget...damn I am messing up this story...ANYWAY, my point is, when they got divorced, his career was finished but she had tons of money and so SHE ended up getting screwed.
    Posted by diablesse[/QUOTE]

    Oh, hahaha well maybe I should just say: we don't want one, and neither of us plans to ever get famous/make millions. Does that work ;-)
    image
  • At this time, FI and I are not planning to have one.  We just feel that there is no need.  Luckily my mother has not asked us about one yet, because I have a feeling she'd be pretty adament about my having one.  I just feel like I love FI and trust him and I have a very good gut feeling about our relationship lasting a lifetime.

    The one thing FI and I did do is since we purchased our house before we were legally married, our title lists us as "co-owners with rights of survivorship," meaning if something happens to one of us, the house would automatically go to the other one, and not our families, etc.
    "Imperfection is beauty; madness is genious. And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring" ~ Marilyn Monroe Anniversary
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  • Not doing one here either!  Although my law school tendancies say "do it, do it" as do ALL professors (optomistic much?)  Neither one of us has anything now, and everything we have in the future will be built between the 2 of us equally.

    Plus I already told FI that if he ever wanted to leave me, he needed to commit suicide. 
    [IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/eq6ma9.jpg[/IMG]
  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    [QUOTE] Plus I already told FI that if he ever wanted to leave me, he needed to commit suicide. 
    Posted by angiem33[/QUOTE]
    <3 <3 <3 THIS
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    TTC since 2010
    Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
    DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
    BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
    IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
    Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-Nups? : Oh, hahaha well maybe I should just say: we don't want one, and neither of us plans to ever get famous/make millions. Does that work ;-)
    Posted by LiaDee[/QUOTE]

    Hey I plan to make millions share it with you pal and get famous at the same time!
    Prenups is for hollywood idiots who marry five times and the people that are plannning their divorce before they are marrieD
  • edited July 2010
    We did one. I ordered it from uslegalforms.com and tweaked it to specifications we had already hammered out in the rough outline that we'd drafted. We found a family lawyer who was willing to review it for us, met with him (he said it was airtight and had no changes, so he just signed off on it without charging!), and stopped at a bank on the way home to have it notarized. Easy peasy!

    Basically we just wanted to be sure that our assets coming into the marriage remain our own and that we had rules in place should worst come to worst. For example, FI wants to buy a muscle car, which will probably [had better] be acquired after the wedding; he's paying his money for it and wants to make sure I, being the scorned woman I am, won't try to take it in the divorce. Similarly, should I decide I want a condo of my own to run away from him for a weekend, and I pay for it with my own money, I don't want the bastard trying to take it in the divorce. We currently don't have any joint assets and don't have any real plans to acquire any. But we wanted something on paper to protect whatever we do purchase together, so we've got that stuff in there, too.

    Our situation is unique in that he bought the house before we started dating. The prenup basically says I pay nothing on the mortgage and will not be added to the mortgage, and I can't stake any claim on the house if we separate, which more than works for me. When we start looking for the next place, it'll be a joint decision and shared financial responsibility and we'll handle accordingly.
     
    We're keeping separate checking/savings accounts, neither of us has rights to the other's retirement accounts or any new bank accounts either of us may open on our own, we have a joint account and contribute a percentage of our salary to pay for household utilities and groceries etc. We like the arrangement we've had for the past year and a half (well really, our whole adult lives before even meeting) and we really just did the prenup to guarantee that as little changes as possible, and that we're comfortably protected with whatever changes married life brings. Basically, we just did the prenup to have on paper that what's his is his and what's mine is mine and, for all intents and purposes, that's not really changing (and what does change has rules in place).

    We also have a sunset clause in there. The whole thing expires after 20yrs. ;)

    ETA: In the time it took me to post the above, quite a few others chimed in here. And I'm not going to single any one of you out, but I'll just request that those of you who are not doing a prenup pause for two seconds before replying and think about how hurtful your words could be interpreted to those of us who are or who may be considering it. Neither FI nor I is rich, we're not planning to divorce, we trust each other's intentions and dedication to the marriage, and there is still plenty of romance/love in our relationship. We just both rest easier having a contingency plan in place, understanding that nothing, not even the most unsinkable ship, is a guarantee in this life. We did it because it was the logical thing for us to do. It doesn't make us any less a couple than you.
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  • i'm not, why prepare for something that will not happen. and if for whatever reason we do divorce im not making it easier on either of us. and the prenup will atleast make the financial part easy
  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    [QUOTE] We also have a sunset clause in there. The whole thing expires after 20yrs. ;)
    Posted by rien713[/QUOTE]

    LOVE it lol - that's awesome =)
    "Imperfection is beauty; madness is genious. And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring" ~ Marilyn Monroe Anniversary
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  • We're not.  Never thought about it and no one ever brought it up.  That's really the most simple reason we have.

    On a side note - not trying to be a buzz kill - but I'm sure if you ask people who have gotten divorced, they all at one point thought "it was going to last forever."  That's why people get married - because they have the hope and trust that it will last.  However, in real life, that doesn't always happen no matter how much we truly believe it will. I'm sure you wouldn't marry someone if you honestly believed that you were going to get divorced (although I'm sure there's someone out there that has).

    My point is - to each their own when it comes to prenups. It works for some and not for others. But I don't think it's valid to state "it sets you up for divorce" or "we'll be together forever" as a reason to have or not have one.

  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    ETA: In the time it took me to post the above, quite a few others chimed in here. And I'm not going to single any one of you out, but I'll just request that those of you who are not doing a prenup pause for two seconds before replying and think about how hurtful your words could be interpreted to those of us who are or who may be considering it. Neither FI nor I is rich, we're not planning to divorce, we trust each other's intentions and dedication to the marriage, and there is still plenty of romance/love in our relationship. We just both rest easier having a contingency plan in place, understanding that nothing, not even the most unsinkable ship, is a guarantee in this life. We did it because it was the logical thing for us to do. It doesn't make us any less a couple than you.
    Posted by rien713


    We are not getting a pre-nup, but I definitely agree with your comment rien.
    The two of you are looking out for yourselves.  It doesn't mean that you love eachother any less, or you marriage will fail because of it.
    I really respect you for making this decision.
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  • I also don't agree with the suicide "joke".
    Sorry... just not a funny comment.

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  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    [QUOTE]We're not.  Never thought about it and no one ever brought it up.  That's really the most simple reason we have. On a side note - not trying to be a buzz kill - but I'm sure if you ask people who have gotten divorced, they all at one point thought "it was going to last forever."  That's why people get married - because they have the hope and trust that it will last.  However, in real life, that doesn't always happen no matter how much we truly believe it will. I'm sure you wouldn't marry someone if you honestly believed that you were going to get divorced (although I'm sure there's someone out there that has). My point is - to each their own when it comes to prenups. It works for some and not for others. But I don't think it's valid to state "it sets you up for divorce" or "we'll be together forever" as a reason to have or not have one.
    Posted by tba0313[/QUOTE]

    Pretty much sums up what I was going to say.  My FI and I are both lawyers.  Believe me, I know all the jokes :)  We are on equal financial footing and have no plans to ever separate (we would not get married if we did).  We discussed it and feel that practically it makes sense for us after seeing so much pain and turmoil having nothing in place has caused so many people (in our personal and professional lives).
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  • At one point my FH mentioned it to me and admittedly I threw a fit. Things have sorta changed since the market tanked though and now it has become a non-issue.

  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    [QUOTE]We did one. I ordered it from uslegalforms.com and tweaked it to specifications we had already hammered out in the rough outline that we'd drafted. We found a family lawyer who was willing to review it for us, met with him (he said it was airtight and had no changes, so he just signed off on it without charging!), and stopped at a bank on the way home to have it notarized. Easy peasy! Basically we just wanted to be sure that our assets coming into the marriage remain our own and that we had rules in place should worst come to worst. For example, FI wants to buy a muscle car, which will probably [had better] be acquired after the wedding; he's paying his money for it and wants to make sure I, being the scorned woman I am, won't try to take it in the divorce. Similarly, should I decide I want a condo of my own to run away from him for a weekend, and I pay for it with my own money, I don't want the bastard trying to take it in the divorce. We currently don't have any joint assets and don't have any real plans to acquire any. But we wanted something on paper to protect whatever we do purchase together, so we've got that stuff in there, too. Our situation is unique in that he bought the house before we started dating. The prenup basically says I pay nothing on the mortgage and will not be added to the mortgage, and I can't stake any claim on the house if we separate, which more than works for me. When we start looking for the next place, it'll be a joint decision and shared financial responsibility and we'll handle accordingly.   We're keeping separate checking/savings accounts, neither of us has rights to the other's retirement accounts or any new bank accounts either of us may open on our own, we have a joint account and contribute a percentage of our salary to pay for household utilities and groceries etc. We like the arrangement we've had for the past year and a half (well really, our whole adult lives before even meeting) and we really just did the prenup to guarantee that as little changes as possible, and that we're comfortably protected with whatever changes married life brings. Basically, we just did the prenup to have on paper that what's his is his and what's mine is mine and, for all intents and purposes, that's not really changing (and what does change has rules in place). We also have a sunset clause in there. The whole thing expires after 20yrs. ;) ETA: In the time it took me to post the above, quite a few others chimed in here. And I'm not going to single any one of you out, but I'll just request that those of you who are not doing a prenup pause for two seconds before replying and think about how hurtful your words could be interpreted to those of us who are or who may be considering it. Neither FI nor I is rich, we're not planning to divorce, we trust each other's intentions and dedication to the marriage, and there is still plenty of romance/love in our relationship. We just both rest easier having a contingency plan in place, understanding that nothing, not even the most unsinkable ship, is a guarantee in this life. We did it because it was the logical thing for us to do. It doesn't make us any less a couple than you.
    Posted by rien713[/QUOTE]


    I wasnt trying to belittle you or hurt you. I just dont feel that a prenup is something that is neccasary. If your going to through all the this is mine this is yours I dont believe in getting married then. I have seen people who get prenups have 5 kids and what happens the husband walks away with everything because the wife is homeless! Not something I am a fan of! If your getting married whats mine is yours and yours is mine I will live in the same house with you whether you want a divorce or not because I dont believe in them. There is a way to work anything out. So nothing was meant directly towards you, we were just expressing a little fun and Im sorry if it offended you
  • We're so comingled at this point (we've lived together for six years and own a home together, have life insurance policies covering the mortgage and going to the survivor if anything happens, have a joint checking and savings in addition to our separate accoutns, etc) that I never really thought about it.
    image
  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-Nups? : I wasnt trying to belittle you or hurt you. I just dont feel that a prenup is something that is neccasary. If your going to through all the this is mine this is yours I dont believe in getting married then. I have seen people who get prenups have 5 kids and what happens the husband walks away with everything because the wife is homeless! Not something I am a fan of! If your getting married whats mine is yours and yours is mine I will live in the same house with you whether you want a divorce or not because I dont believe in them. There is a way to work anything out. So nothing was meant directly towards you, we were just expressing a little fun and Im sorry if it offended you
    Posted by mullen24[/QUOTE]
    There's so much in here that warrants a reply, but I can barely understand what you're trying to say. So, whatever. Moving on from this thread.
    BUT before I bow out: The woman with the five kids who ended up homeless? If she can't put a roof over her kids' heads, she had a shiit custody arrangement. That really has nothing to do with a prenup. Dude's obligation is to his children, not his ex-wife. An adult woman should be able take care of herself. (Another reason why I'm not scared of a prenup.) Child support is the responsibility of both parties. Spousal support is a crock of shiit. Big difference in custody agreement vs premarital agreement.

    And as for your divorce argument: not believing in something doesn't make it not so.

    *shrug*
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  • Rien I totally understand where you're coming from and that it works for you and your FI in your situation. That's really all that matters. It's a decision every couple makes for themselves and I'm glad you and everyone else have decided on something you're comfortable with.

    I'm sorry if what I said was something that rubbed you the wrong way!! I probably don't have the best understanding of a prenup anyway, I guess. Being so young I would feel silly doing one. I have $1.75 in my savings account!! Yell
    image
  • Im going to say this you have your opinion and I have mine! Thats all there is too it! No need in battling over this is what happens and thats what happens! If Im getting married Im not getting a divorce regardless of the situation!
  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    [QUOTE]Im going to say this you have your opinion and I have mine! Thats all there is too it! No need in battling over this is what happens and thats what happens! If Im getting married Im not getting a divorce regardless of the situation!
    Posted by mullen24[/QUOTE]

    Really? What about if he cheats, abuses you, abuses your child, gambles away all your money, becomes a drug addict, etc. etc.   Just curious.
  • In Response to Re: Pre-Nups?:
    [QUOTE]Im going to say this you have your opinion and I have mine! Thats all there is too it! No need in battling over this is what happens and thats what happens! If Im getting married Im not getting a divorce regardless of the situation!
    Posted by mullen24[/QUOTE]

    Im gonna disagree with this just because of what tba said, cheating or abuse?? I told FI that he was mine forever unless one of us were involved in either of the above. I do believe that there are ok situations for divorce.

    That being said we are not doing a prenup. Rien I completely understand why you have one and I think its a good idea. We talked about it and we are both starting out with nothing we live together but we rent we have our own vehicles but they have our own names on it. If it comes down to a divorce for some situation we will deal with that when it happens.  To us it added an additional pressure. We will be combining everything for the most part after the marriage (we pretty much already do). He has been willed his family ranch but it is willed just to him and excludes spouses and children unless he puts them on there 5 years after he has obtained property.
  • FI and I aren't getting a pre-nup. We've kinda discussed it but it's something I've never felt strongly about. I don't really understand all the legal jargon in them anyway and I know FI wouldn't. If, for whatever reason, we don't make it then we'll handle it then. Hopefully it won't come to that though. We plan on having a joint account after we get married but still have separate ones as well.


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  • I have no problem w/ a pre-nup.  I actually suggested to FI.  His fam comes from money, he has a trust fund and I wanted to make sure he knew that I wasn't a gold digger.

    I don't know all of the benefits/repercussions from doing one.  That is on my wedding to do list.  If we do one, great, if not, great.  I do believe we will be together forever but we've talked realistically about cheating, abuse etc. 

    Very few people in my life have parents that are still married, and I'm not so disillusioned that it could happen to me/us.  Obviously I don't want it to, but things do and can fall apart.  If FI feels he needs to be protected or vice versa, we will do it.

    To each their own I say.  Every couple is different, every couple handles their financials differently, and there's no saying that if we get a pre-nup, we are not truly in love.  Or that if we don't get one, it will last forever.  Noone can predict the future and there's no harm in looking out for yourself as an individual yet still being part of a couple.  If you and FI both agree and discuss it reasonably and rationally, then go for it.
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  • Okay I'm chill now. Look, I don't want y'all to think I got all butthurt for the sole reason that what works for us doesn't work for you. We felt more comfortable going into our marriage with a prenup. That's the long and short of it. If you don't feel you need one, that's perfectly okay for you. No two situations are alike. I completely understand why others wouldn't think them necessary.

    The part that upset me were all the implications that people who do decide to get a prenup are going into their marriages not trusting/loving their partners, expecting failure, etc. I don't believe in eating cat meat, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Nor do I believe/expect/plan for my marriage to end in divorce. But the simple statistics are that it does happen. FI and I did want to be prepared for that, just as we prepare for natural disasters, debilitating injuries and car accidents. We don't expect it to happen, and it's certainly the last thing we'd ever want to happen, and we work hard doing all we can do avoid it, but we wanted to be prepared nonetheless.

    If not having a premarital agreement works for you, then that's what works for you and I respect that. I just didn't like the general vibe that what works for me (and a lot of other people) was somehow wrong. And I do know that most posters in this thread didn't intend for it to come across that way, which is why I added the post script to my OP. Just as a gentle reminder that, while you may find it unfitting for your particular situation for whatever reason, others think differently and should be taken into equal consideration.

    So, that's all. We now return you to your regularly scheduled fluffy bunnies farting rainbow butterflies. :)
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  • Nope, no pre-nup here.
    ~~~Lynsey~~~
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