April 2013 Weddings

My dad's not coming

Let me start by saying that this is a total venting post.  I knew deep down he wasn't going to come to my wedding.  I was just waiting to see what kind of excuse he'd use.

I just can't believe he kept making me believe he'd be there, when all along he knew he wasn't going.  And I get that we're having a destination wedding and I should be prepared to have some (possibly very important) guests not be able to make the trip.  I know money is not an issue with my dad and FI and I have been engaged for 4 years, so you'd think he would have worked it out.

I knew he was lying back in January, but our relationship has always been rocky so I didn't want to turn this into yet another big issue.  (He likes to make himself out to be better than everyone and is constantly lying in order to do so, and I am the type of person who can't stand a liar and will call you on it if I find out you're lying.  Needless to say, we've gotten into some pretty big battles over the years because of his lies.  I know our issues are both of our faults and I've let all the little white lies slide, but some I just can't seem to bite my tongue with.)  I figured when he was ready to tell me, he'd tell me.  But he kept saying he was waiting for his turn to put in for his vacation at work.  I guess he doesn't realize that I know people whose husbands work where my dad works, and I know they got vacations approved back in December.  My dad was still trying to tell me that they hadn't gotten around to him for vacation, even though he's a supervisor and is supposedly 4th on the seniority list.  (They approve vacations based on seniority, and everyone picks in December.  They do the vacation calendar from Jan-Dec, so it's kind of odd to me that in mid-Feb he still wouldn't know if his vacation was approved or not.) 

He called me today to tell me he can't come because the guy JUST ahead of him on the list booked a vacation the week before & the week after our wedding weekend and will be out of the country so my dad has to stay here and be on call.  (Although why you'd book a vacation without knowing if it was approved doesn't make much sense to me.)  He's pretending to be angry and threatening to sue his employer, although I don't know what he'd sue for.  I just wish he would do the honorable thing and say "Hey, I'm not coming, but I hope you have a great wedding" rather than keep dragging this out and lying about it.  Now he's saying he's appealing and will know something later in the week.  Yeah.  Right.
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Re: My dad's not coming

  • I'm so sorry. No matter what your relationship is like with your Dad that has got to hurt. Hugs. Remember it's his loss.
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  • :hugs: I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
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  • I'm so sorry.....
  • That sucks. I'm so sorry. Clovester is totally right though, you can't change your family... I've had to learn that the hard way too. Hugs.
  • That is pretty crappy of him, I am sorry. But ya know what? At least you know now and you have a few weeks to deal with it instead of him dropping this bomb the week before your wedding. You are still getting married with or without him, and because of his selfish decision he won't be able to see that and I can guarantee he will regret it for the rest of his life.

    ps. I really hope that he isn't trying to BS you, and is truly trying to be there....

  • Thanks, everyone.  I have been on the fence for a year or more about whether to even continue a relationship with him, not only because of the lies but for many, many reasons.  At this point, I'm done trying.

    Vk, I highly doubt he's doing any of the things he says he is, in order to come.  Vacations were finalized in December, regardless of what he says.  That's just how that place works.  Plus, now his FI is living with him and from day 1, she has wanted nothing to do with me or my sister.  I knew she'd never come in a million years, even though I invited her, but I have a feeling that she's behind his reason not to come.  I mean, she's probably giving him a hard time about leaving her for a few days when she can't stand me, and he's probably torn between his daughter and his fiancee, whom he has to see all day, every day and listen to her nag.  His history has always been to choose his woman over his kids, which is why I'm not surprised he's going to be a no-show.

    The thing of it is, here I have a living, breathing father choosing not to come to my wedding, while I'm sure there are so many others who have lost their fathers who would give anything & everything they have for just 1 more day with him so he can be at THEIR weddings.  Life is strange.
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  • I am so sorry Chi! My dad isnt coming to my wedding either...he is a deadbeat. Just remember your day is a new chapter in your life and you and your fiance get to start a new family together with each other hugs
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  • I'm sorry that you are going thru this.  I couldn't even imagine how it would feel not to have your Dad there even if your relationship is rocky.  Sending good thoughts and hugs your way!

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  • Stay strong, Chi!  It's his loss and I'm sure that he will regret it, if he doesn't already.  *hugs*
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