registry and a honeymoon registry?

jmisic927 · December 2010

My fiancee and I have a home together, therefore are not registering for an entire kitchen's worth of items, just a few that we don't have. Is it appropriate to also start a honeymoon registry? I figured that way guests have a choice, and there isn't anywhere that says you HAVE to contribute.

trix1223 · December 2010

HM registries are not well received on these boards. Just warning you. I don't care for them. I think that a HM is something that the B&G should be paying for on their own, so I wouldn't participate. (I know I don't have to. Just saying that I don't find them appropriate.)

Also, if you do decide to go ahead and have one anyway: understand what a HM registry is. It is a middleman collecting cash for you, and often charging a fee for doing that.

When most HM registries "allow" guests to "purchase" an experience (bottle of wine, moonlight cruise, dinner, etc.) what they are doing is charging guests for the presumed cost of that and then cutting you a cheque.

So be sure to plan a honeymoon that you can afford on your own. If guests don't pony up for the registry and you've booked the trip, you're going to have to find a way to fund it or lose deposits.

Despite living together, I'm sure that you can find things on a traditional registy for your home: upgrades of things you have now, or things you'd like to have but wouldn't buy for yourself.

MyNameIsNot · December 2010

HM registries are cash registries, and therefore never acceptable, regardless of the circumstances.

If you want/need only a few things, create a small registry, and spread the word that you are saving for a honeymoon. Guests will take the hint and write you a check. Added bonus: no middle man takes a cut.

graysquirrel · December 2010

If you don't register or only have a small registry, people will get the hint and give you money. I'm also of the camp that thinks they're tacky. Just take the money and buy your own massage with it at the resort. It is simpler and often less expensive.

MNVegas · December 2010

No it is NEVER appropriate to ask for cash even when disguised as a honeymoon registry. Besides people already know cash is always appreciated. They don't need you to tell them.

Galaxy8227 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:c9b49fa1-bd01-4c35-820d-b9715693c02aPost:bf3d1610-abfe-4a49-8a13-c1d13bc21659">Re: registry and a honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't register or only have a small registry, people will get the hint and give you money. I'm also of the camp that thinks they're tacky. Just take the money and buy your own massage with it at the resort. It is simpler and often less expensive.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]

This

GoBucksOH · December 2010

DO have a small traditional registry. DON'T have a HM registry.

tldh · December 2010

Come on. STICKY NOW!!!

OP - There's a search feature at the bottom of the page. Type honeymoon registry in there and it will take you to all the threads where this has already been discussed.

ETA: There are two threads dealing with this subject on page two of this board.

LoveMuffins · December 2010

I did both, ignore the haters. People don't have have to get anyone ANY kind of gift unless they want to, and if they decide they want to give cash at least this way they know where it's going to. There was just as much hubbub when gift registeries were first created, because it was people "asking" for specific gifts. We stil have a living generation of adults that remembers when gift registries were tacky (Just ask my grandma).

Personally, I think it's best to give the option of a regular or honeymoon registry.

If you decide to do a honeymoon registry, check out honeyfund.com, it's the only one that doesn't charge you and your guests for using it.

heyimbren · December 2010

HM registries don't make sense to me, because it's an extra middle step. I've said it before, and I'll say it again because I'm still waiting for someone to explain this to me.

With a HM registry, you register for things for the HM. Your guests then "purchase" these things, and then before your HM trip, you're simply given a cheque. What's the point in that? It's an extra step. If you want to use wedding gift money to pay for the HM, why not just do that instead of bothering with the HM registry at all? It doesn't actually buy you those things off the registry, since you still need to purchase them yourself.

Summer2011Bride · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:c9b49fa1-bd01-4c35-820d-b9715693c02aPost:87745e40-9cee-40c3-8114-41362cba858a">Re: registry and a honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]HM registries don't make sense to me, because it's an extra middle step. I've said it before, and I'll say it again because I'm still waiting for someone to explain this to me. With a HM registry, you register for things for the HM. Your guests then "purchase" these things, and then before your HM trip, you're simply given a cheque. What's the point in that? It's an extra step. If you want to use wedding gift money to pay for the HM, why not just do that instead of bothering with the HM registry at all? It doesn't actually buy you those things off the registry, since you still need to purchase them yourself.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

This. I could see if the honeymoon registry was somehow directly linked to your airline or resort, so by "purchasing" a nice dinner, guests REALLY ACTUALLY purchased a dinner for you, but that's not how it goes. Like this poster said, it's just an unnecessary middle step and essentially is just receiving cash (a check).

Stick with a small traditional registry where people are ACTUALLY giving you the gift they intend to. I'm sure guests will still give cash which you can in turn use to pay for HM activities.

katheriner89 · December 2010

I say do both, but only if your guests would think it was cool. I know my family has already asked me if we are doing one. but we aren't.

phinewine · December 2010

Ms. (or Mr.) TLDH: Everyone one this site is grown and I feel there is no need to explain how this site works. If this person wants to start a new thread with the same topic 5 million times so be it... it's free country (and website). I don't get where you ladies get off being mean to each other... this is the most exciting time in a woman's life and being evil to "newbies" on this site is not necessary! I'm sure the knot has paid webmasters that can address the repeat threads if they felt the need to do so but if you feel the need to I'm sure there's a career tab at the bottom of this page! I also think that there are alot of bitter women that have already gotten married HANGING ON to this website...GO BE MARRIED!!! You had your wedding the way you wanted to and I'm sure you didn't listen to any opinion but the one's you wanted to hear! SO STOP BEING BULLY GRANDMA'S!!! Honey if you want to do a HM registry by all means do it! The terms regarding handling fees will be provided, if there are any in the terms and conditions prior to you setting the website up (i.e. SANDALS RESORTS offers the HM registry).

Happy Engagement Ladies!!!

NattyGal31 · December 2010

well, aside from the fact that they are not considered the "right" thing to do, I personally think it isn't any worse then registering for expensive china.

I am not doing a honeymoon registry because that doesn't suit my needs, but I am doing an "alternative" registry that is allowing me to register for all kinds of things, including a couple honeymoon excursions, as well as big ticket household/remodeling type stuff such as paint, drywall, etc. Because we bought a house and it needs a lot of work, we would much rather put our "wedding gifts" into that, then in dishes and a blender.

That is also an option if you want to consider something besides just a honeymoon- we are using www.uponourstar.com and so far, have been very happy!

trix1223 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:c9b49fa1-bd01-4c35-820d-b9715693c02aPost:015e9cfe-7a0b-421d-8293-a0fa05921f37">Re: registry and a honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ms. (or Mr.) TLDH: Everyone one this site is grown and I feel there is no need to explain how this site works. If this person wants to start a new thread with the same topic 5 million times so be it... it's free country (and website). I don't get where you ladies get off being mean to each other... this is the most exciting time in a woman's life and being evil to "newbies" on this site is not necessary! I'm sure the knot has paid webmasters that can address the repeat threads if they felt the need to do so but if you feel the need to I'm sure there's a career tab at the bottom of this page! I also think that there are alot of bitter women that have already gotten married HANGING ON to this website...GO BE MARRIED!!! You had your wedding the way you wanted to and I'm sure you didn't listen to any opinion but the one's you wanted to hear! SO STOP BEING BULLY GRANDMA'S!!! Honey if you want to do a HM registry by all means do it! The terms regarding handling fees will be provided, if there are any in the terms and conditions prior to you setting the website up (i.e. SANDALS RESORTS offers the HM registry). Happy Engagement Ladies!!!
Posted by phinewine[/QUOTE]

phinewine: leaving aside the issues of your insulting comments, let's think for a moment here.

A poster comes here asking for advice about some aspect of a wedding. Who is in a better position to give advice: someone who's also planning, or someone who's been through the process?

I've given this example before, and I'll give it to you now: Suppose for a moment that you're pregnant, and you want to know what to expect during labor and delivery. Are you going to take advice from people who have already been through L&D, or do you think you'll get better advice from some who is 6 months pregnant with her first child?

RoMy215 · December 2010

OP-
As you can see there are many and varying opinions on hm registries. Someone posted an explanation not too long ago (search this board..as previously said, there are numerous threads on this subject) that at least helped me to understand why people are so against them, although I still don't get why everyone gets so absolutely outraged.
My fiance I decided we would have 2 traditional registries plus a hm one.
Here's why:
First- we are in our mid/late 30's and I have been living on my own since I was in my early 20's. We have a lot of the normal things one registers for, although we did pick a few items that we wanted to upgrade or have a full/matching set for.
Second - I have found that even when a couple says "no gifts"--yes, I've known some who have-- people have still opted to purchase something for them. A registry is a way of telling people what you want IF they want to get you something. It's not to say "you have to get me this" it's a way to say if you want to get me something, "this is what I want in the color/style I like it in". This prevents people from having to guess what you might want/need and giving you things like a microwave pasta cooker or a new can opener. (Been living on my own for a while...I have a nice can opener.)
Make your own decisions based on what is right for you. My sister did a hm registry and the family responded well. We have also had many positive comments from friends about ours.
One thing I think we all agree on is that you should book a hm you can afford. Similar to a traditional registry, don't expect to get all -- or any -- of the items you register for d consider the ones you get icing on the cake.

GracieWeds · December 2010

I honestly don't really get why people are so against it. What is the difference between a HM registry and a typical gif registry? If you have a problem with HM registries then you should have a problem with ALL registries.

But thats besides the point. If you want one - go for it. The best way I've seen it done is when it's integrated with a typical registry. For example, my bff used MyRegistry.com. She synced her small Macy's registry with it so thered be some "typical" items (blender, toaster, etc) and then used the cash gift fund option to create a HM registry. She made it herself a designated some items as "massage" or "horseback riding on the beach". She loved it and so did her guests. It was very well received.

So if you want it - go for it :-D

ehathewa · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:c9b49fa1-bd01-4c35-820d-b9715693c02aPost:11de70bf-f7c1-40e8-b7e6-8c3e6ad07f81">Re: registry and a honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly don't really get why people are so against it. What is the difference between a HM registry and a typical gif registry? If you have a problem with HM registries then you should have a problem with ALL registries. But thats besides the point. If you want one - go for it. The best way I've seen it done is when it's integrated with a typical registry. For example, my bff used MyRegistry.com. She synced her small Macy's registry with it so thered be some "typical" items (blender, toaster, etc) and then used the cash gift fund option to create a HM registry. She made it herself a designated some items as "massage" or "horseback riding on the beach". She loved it and so did her guests. It was very well received. So if you want it - go for it :-D
Posted by GracieWeds[/QUOTE]

In a traditional registry, a couple registers for an item, like a cookie sheet. A guest can choose to purchase the cookie sheet. The couple then recieves the cookie sheet.

In a honeymoon registry, a couple registers for an item, like cocktails by the pool. A guest can choose to purchase the cocktails by the pool. The couple then recieves a check not the gift the guest thought they were purchasing. That seems sneaky to me.

jemmini6 · December 2010

I like the idea of HM registries, but I definitely agree that you should be able to afford everything you register for on your own. If no one gives to your registry, and you can't afford it, you will not have a very good HM.

FI and I are similar to your situation, we will have been living together over 2 years by our wedding and when we need something for our house, we just go buy it, so we will have a hard time coming up with a full traditional registry. We also love to travel so we have decided that in the 'Honeymoon' section of our wedding website, we will post pictures of things we intend to do on our HM and just have a very small traditional registry. Same effect of a HM registry (lists all the excursions that we want to do) but without the middle man and confusion. (We may end up still doing the regular HM registry if my idea doesn't work out how I'm envisioning it, but I hope I can make it work)

I still think someone could make a lot of money if they created a HM registry that actually booked those things for you....

megandjay · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:c9b49fa1-bd01-4c35-820d-b9715693c02aPost:11de70bf-f7c1-40e8-b7e6-8c3e6ad07f81">Re: registry and a honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly don't really get why people are so against it. What is the difference between a HM registry and a typical gif registry? If you have a problem with HM registries then you should have a problem with ALL registries. But thats besides the point. If you want one - go for it.The best way I've seen it done is when it's integrated with a typical registry. For example, my bff used MyRegistry.com. She synced her small Macy's registry with it so thered be some "typical" items (blender, toaster, etc) and then used the cash gift fund option to create a HM registry. She made it herself a designated some items as "massage" or "horseback riding on the beach". She loved it and so did her guests. It was very well received. So if you want it - go for it :-D
Posted by GracieWeds[/QUOTE]

Yes, because who cares if you offend your guests, right? It is all about YOU, right? You need a reality check and get your priorities in order. Weddings are about MARRIAGE, they are not a solicitation event for a couple trying to trick money out of their family and friends.

I equate cash registries with a cover charge. If your guests want to give you cash, then they will. They are not idiots that need you to trick them into giving you money.

NattyGal31 · December 2010

so I return my cookie sheet for the money to buy something else? same thing.

jemmini6 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:c9b49fa1-bd01-4c35-820d-b9715693c02aPost:09a922c3-49c0-4861-bf0d-43e8788fbf18">Re: registry and a honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Traditional registries are acceptable because they are a wish list with a variety of items, and it's accepted that a couple needs certain things to set up housekeeping together. "Give us your money", on the other hand, is always rude. The "we're older" excuse doesn't fly. One would expect older, mature couples to know that it's impolite to ask for other people's money, and you know what? They can still find things to put on a registry. Upgrades such as better-quality sheets and towels, that set of gourmet cookware they always wanted, the mixer that needs to be replaced. The honeymoon is a luxury item, and it's the couple's vacation. Their responsibility to pay for it. Nobody wants to pay for somebody else's week-long sexfest.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

My only qualm with this argument is that HM are basically the same thing. They are wish lists for a variety of things. The only difference is that one buys you the item, and the other gives you the cash to buy the item. While I agree that this fact is one of the oddities of them, I feel that as long as you actually use the money for the activity that it was given to you for, then they are on par with traditional registries.

As far as the "it's accepted that you will need things" for traditional and "this is a luxury" for HM registries...when people live together before marriage, or even on their own before marriage, they typically have everything they need to set up house, therefore, any upgrades or wanted items are luxuries as well. I already have a vacuum, so it is definitely a luxury if I register for a Dyson Ball...I don't need it, but I want it. Same as I don't need a HM, but I want one, so as long as we are going for 'wants', why not make it one I'd actually enjoy?

But of course you will always have some people that will be deceptive with both forms of registries either by returning items for cash (traditional) or just keeping the cash and spend it on whatever (HM), but that's a problem with the couple, not the form of registry.

fcristie · December 2010

I feel that asking for a gift is asking for a gift, so there is no difference, in my opinion, between a gift registry and a HM registry. For the people that disagree with it based on the fact that the gifter isnt really buying the HM registry item that they paid for,I can understand the concern, but that all comes down to the integrity of the bride and groom! If I were a guest at a wedding and I thought the couple might be likely to use the money on something other than what they registered for, I might think twice about choosing something from the HM registry. We are not registered yet, and we have not decided which way we are going, but I can say with certainty that if we register for a scuba diving excursion on our honeymoon, and that is what Grandma buys on our HM registry, then that is absolutely what we would use it for!!

I think it all comes down to what you are comfortable with, and what you think your friends and family will be ok with. I agree that it would be best to have another traditional registry for those that don't like the idea.

phinewine · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:c9b49fa1-bd01-4c35-820d-b9715693c02aPost:ff5a9b12-0d25-4518-8415-a87ec8158411">Re: registry and a honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Phinewine, The Knot does indeed have moderators, but none of us are paid. We're volunteers. The post that's in violation of Knot rules is YOURS. You do not have a right to tell others not to post and most definitely not to leave. Personal attacks are not allowed as per TK rules. Did you read them when you joined? You were supposed to. People who tell you that honeymoon and other "we want you to give us your money" registries are indeed committing a BIG breach of social etiquette, and are not "haters" for doing so. The intent is to avoid giving offense to your family and friends.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

YOU THINK YOU'RE A VOLUNTEER!!! YOU ARE THE RUDEST "VOLUNTEER" AND DON'T GET MAD BECAUSE YOU CAN DISH IT BUT CAN'T TAKE IT!!! Look at how you responded to the poster...RUDE!!! Honey please you are a person with no life and obvisiously cannot read! I SAID IF SHE WANTS TO ASK THE SAME QUESTIONS 5 MILLION TIMES IT'S A FREE COUNTRY!!!! Get over yourself!!! I have too much class and confidence to go back and forth with the likes of you!!! Telling people what to get you in general is a lack of etiquette (IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT REGISTERY YOU SIGN UP FOR i.e. MACY'S, BED BATH AND BEYOND, ETC). You can find that in the 16th Edition of Emily Post's Etiquette! To be honest times have changed and whatever HER FAMILY and FRIENDS are comfortable with in this day and time is what should be measured...NOT BY YOUR STANDARDS!!! Prince William and his bride decided not to have live-in Butlers...are you going to chew them out for a lack of "proper etiquette" when they get married...Got anything bad you want to say about them...That's what I thought!!!

To the Bride!!! Look to your family, EVERYTHING can be done in a classy manner but they would provide you with the best advice on how to carry this out for you!

To THE KNOT, PLEASE UPDATE YOUR "VOLUNTEERS" <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />...They're from 1920!!!

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:c9b49fa1-bd01-4c35-820d-b9715693c02aPost:f23ab21e-90a1-45b5-825d-0aeca60cca44">Re: registry and a honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: registry and a honeymoon registry? : YOU THINK YOU'RE A VOLUNTEER!!! YOU ARE THE RUDEST "VOLUNTEER" AND DON'T GET MAD BECAUSE YOU CAN DISH IT BUT CAN'T TAKE IT!!! Look at how you responded to the poster...RUDE!!! Honey please you are a person with no life and obvisiously cannot read! I SAID IF SHE WANTS TO ASK THE SAME QUESTIONS 5 MILLION TIMES IT'S A FREE COUNTRY!!!! Get over yourself!!! I have too much class and confidence to go back and forth with the likes of you!!! Telling people what to get you in general is a lack of etiquette (IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT REGISTERY YOU SIGN UP FOR i.e. MACY'S, BED BATH AND BEYOND, ETC). You can find that in the 16th Edition of Emily Post's Etiquette! To be honest times have changed and whatever HER FAMILY and FRIENDS are comfortable with in this day and time is what should be measured...NOT BY YOUR STANDARDS!!! Prince William and his bride decided not to have live-in Butlers...are you going to chew them out for a lack of "proper etiquette" when they get married...Got anything bad you want to say about them...That's what I thought!!! To the Bride!!! Look to your family, EVERYTHING can be done in a classy manner but they would provide you with the best advice on how to carry this out for you! To THE KNOT, PLEASE UPDATE YOUR "VOLUNTEERS" ...They're from 1920!!!
Posted by phinewine[/QUOTE]

LOL!! Holy meltdown!!

TLDH's signature line is because she was getting yelled at by newbs such as yourself (cause you're certainly acting like one) for "insulting their grammar".

Poor girl isn't going to get a break, is she? Now YOU'RE going to go off on her for putting the disclaimer there that she obviously needed.

And you have no class. Yelling at people is not classy. All caps sentences is internet yelling.

Now that we got that all straightened out, let me hit the report button for your nasty comments.

Have a nice day =)

tldh · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:c9b49fa1-bd01-4c35-820d-b9715693c02aPost:113f2477-d6ec-44f9-aa10-1c678c848a06">Re: registry and a honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: registry and a honeymoon registry? : Just...no. I am sure that the Founding Fathers did not include the concept of a "free country" in the Declaration of Independence and later the US Constitution so that people can get upset about people voicing criticism over honeymoon registries on a wedding website. And even though it can be argued that the meaning of the US founding documents have changed over time, the idea is still the same...freedom from government intrusion and control, not freedom from criticism of people's ideas on a wedding website. People have fought and died for generations to preserve our freedoms and in many cases, extend these freedoms to those who did not have them during the founding (e.g. Black Americans, women, Native Americans, etc.). Do not trivialize that.
Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]

cosigned, tldh

Marina - I like this. Please copy and paste and use liberally. Lalap, Brooke and I are getting rather tired of having to explain what the first amendment means (at least I am; I guess I shouldn't speak for the other two attorneys). btw...if your arent' in law school (seem to remember you mentioning grad school) you should go.

btw - can I use your last paragraph as a new signature line?

registry and a honeymoon registry?

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