Polite Response to A Rude Question

Re: Polite Response to A Rude Question

• heylady87

  

  April 2012

  "It was a very difficult decision when FI and I created our guest list. Unfortunately, not everyone we wanted to share our special day with could fit on it."

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• emarston1 member

  

  April 2012

  If someone is rude enough to ask you why someone wasn't invited, just politely say "We weren't able to invite everyone due to budget/space constraints.  But we're so thankful you were able to celebrate with us!!"  Then switch the topic of conversation.

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• Angela+Kurt member

  

  April 2012

  You both make a good point. Is there a way around a blatant lie, though?  They won't be invited simply because I don't want them there, and that's not a very gracious topic of conversation. It's hard to stand by the space/budget constraints when there will be guests who are more distant relatives as well as non-family members present. 

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• ceh789 member

  

  April 2012

  I guess I'd just be honest - "I wanted my closest family and friends here today, I'm so glad you could make it thank you!" then change the topic.  Also, this is an excellent reason why it is generally advisable to invite in circles - leaving aunt Martha out will make aunt Jane wonder why her sister wasn't invited.

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• seesawgirl member

  

  April 2012

  I'm having the same issue! What I am planning on saying, for now (this may change) is "We wanted to keep things as intimate as possible, with our closest family and friends." 

  Don't worry about your second cousin Matilda being invited when your Uncle John isn't. If your second cousin Matilda is close to you, and has been there through the years, and Uncle John only shows up when there's free food and booze, then that makes them close family. Proximity on the family tree and emotional ties are two different things. 

  
  

  I don't anticipate having to answer that question very often, if at all though. Its more of a "just in case", because my nearest and dearest already know that I am not close with certain members of my family, and the reasons why. Is it possible that this is the case for you as well?

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2012

  I don't think it's a rude question. It may make you uncomfortable, but it's not necessarily rude. There is a difference between asking where someone is and asking why they aren't invited.
  
  If someone does ask why someone else isn't invited (which is rude), I would just change the subject.

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• Angela+Kurt member

  

  April 2012

  I like the idea of saying something about "closest friends and family" as a way to compliment the asker and deflect the question. 

  
  

  Since "relatives" and "family" aren't always the same set of people, there are a few aunts and uncles that won't be invited for valid personal reasons (which don't need to be discussed with other guests, or on the day of my wedding, for that matter). 

  
  

  What I'm really dreading is the annoyance that I anticipate feeling when someone does tell me that I "should" or "have to" invite someone to my wedding who is offensive to me or my fiancé. I need to rehearse a calm and polite rebuttal that both ends the discussion and leaves me in a cheerful mood. 

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