Is "first look" a big deal to you?

ragerach · May 2012

<div>NO!! you aren't being weird at all!! :) The First Look is a BIG deal! </div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:d183c771-2f97-41b8-961e-da1367da108c">Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe I'm weird, but this is a HUGE deal to me. My fiance's family keeps asking why we are staying in different hotels the night before the wedding and why we can't do pictures together before the ceremony. Am I crazy? I really want the first time my fiance sees me on the day of the wedding to be when I come down the aisle... One of my fiance's sisters got married the day we were receiving the remnants of a tropical storm (strange in NY) and because they knew there was going to be bad weather, she actually put her dress on the day before her wedding and they did their pictures outside the day before! I think that his family thinks I'm being stupid and inflexible when really I just want that first moment to be really special.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

jmichlik · May 2012

Don't worry it can go both ways. My husband I and did decide to do the first look and I think his parents thought we were doing it the wrong way. They wanted us to do what you're doing, not see each other after the rehearsal dinner until the wedding ceremony. For a variety of reasons this was not a logistical possibility and also it wasn't something we wanted, so we didn't let them talk us into it. Don't let someone convince you out of what you really want.

MiksChick23 · May 2012

We are doing the "first look " which isn't excactly what you are talking about, but it holds the same meaning for me. I originally wanted the first time he saw me to be coming down the aisle, but I am WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to emotional, so I knew I'd lose it.

When the photographer mentioned having our first look be pre-ceremony in a more intimate setting, I fell in love with the idea. I think it will put me at ease coming down the aisle and it will get us some great pics!

As far as sleeping separarately the night before, that part I just don't get. I think I'll have a hard enough time sleeping from over-excitement, but to sleep in an empty bed without him would make it 10x worse. I want to wake up the morning of the wedding and give him a big hug and kiss, "can't wait to marry you later today!"

augurey · May 2012

FI and I are pretty untraditional. We've been living together for almost 2 years and will own a house together by the time of the wedding.

But, I just feel so strongly that I don't want to see him until I walk down the aisle. We've discussed him staying at his parents the night before (as all my family is out of town - and my family will be staying with me at the house).

We're planning on doing as many pictures as possible beforehand that does not include the full BP. After the ceremony we'll get the remaining pictures.

Granted, it's still a year away so things could change, especially depending on how the ceremony and reception planning pans out.

But ideally, he won't see me until I'm walking down the aisle.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

<div>Can I "like" this one, similar to what we do on facebook? Good idea for he 10-15 mins prior for the dad moment. I will surely need to do that with mine. :)</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:770e9277-635d-439d-a1d7-461f86a9bc40">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with you 100%. I know for some people the first look removes some of the pressure but for me, I too just want me coming down the aisle to be THE moment. I am doing a first look type thing with my dad though. He doesnt want to walk me down the isle blubbering lol, so we are allotting about 15 mins for a moment for just me and my dad. But to answer your question NO I dont think you are being unflexible, you want what you want, and in this instance that is perfectly fine.
Posted by abbyizzymommy[/QUOTE]

tkddddddddd · May 2012

I'm less concerned with perfect wedding photos I'm the perfect time of day...more concerned with making our day special for us. As a result, it's important to my fiancé to have the "first look" be at the end of the aisle. Therefore, it's important to me that we do it that way.

melb2013 · May 2012

I don't have a problem with everyone doing it their own way. This is something that should be left up to you and your FI.

I guess I'm a little in the minority here, but I personally would feel hypocritical staying apart the night before the wedding... I mean, who are we kidding here? I think it makes sense for those who have had very traditional relationships, ie having not lived together before marriage, etc. But this isn't the case for me. Because we'll be sharing a hotel room the night before, we're most likely going to get ready together, so I'm not planning on an official "first look" either. Our wedding is pretty far in the future though, so we might change our minds!

JGreenfan2000 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:67a851e6-c29b-4213-8998-a5cfbc97dc69">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you? : Good plan, but please take this phrase out of your vocabulary. It is not YOUR day once you invite guests.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]
it is her day and the grooms who else would it be. Its all about the bride and groom no-one else matters

rlavach · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:4fdc909c-9f57-4adf-b715-4cd758a5ad2b">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you? : it is her day and the grooms who else would it be. Its all about the bride and groom <strong>no-one else matters</strong>
Posted by JGreenfan2000[/QUOTE]
Nice! You'll go far here with that attitude. The truth of the matter is, if you & your FI eloped, then yes...it would be all about you. But once you invite friends & family to participate in the day, it's not ALL about you anymore. That's where etiquette comes to play, making the experience of others as comfortable as possible. That doesn't mean you have to give up what you want, but you have to be considerate of others. It wouldn't be considerate to have a 10h gap just so you & your honey could have a massive photoshoot, right? For me, doing the first look allowed us the time to enjoy the cocktail hour with our guests & not make them wait.

andieK1208 · May 2012

This is your wedding. Not your fiances' families wedding. I want the first time my fiance to see me is when the doors open and I walk down the aisle too; it's not inflexible, at all. There's just something sentimental and kind of sacred about it. The day before, or even 15 minutes before just kind of ruins the whole thing, because then he is going to know what to expect as soon as those doors open. You want him to react when you walk down, and he willl if he doesn't see you beforehand. You can have the photographer take a picture of him as soon as the doors open and document his reaction! (: Don't let anyone else tell you how to plan your wedding, I had to learn that myself. What I wanted to is be around the corner from each other holding hands and take a picture. So we're together before the ceremony, but we don't see each other until the actual ceremony starts. Another idea I wanted to do was have us write a letter to each other, and we would be around the corner from each other so we couldn't see each other and have the photographer take a picture of us reading the letters. I just feel like it would be really special and you could have that picture of you reading your fiance's feelings for you right before the wedding, and him doing the same. ahh i just think it's the cutest idea in the world. good luck with everything! it's going to be beautiful (:

Future Mrs. Lindstrom · May 2012

Hubby and I did this too. We did the seperate photos before and group photos after. If this is what you want then go for it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

[Deleted User] · May 2012

In my opinion, I UNDERSTAND why you want the element of suprise, but doing a first look can be just as special...and he's still going to be suprised..The wedding is for the two of you!! He deserves to see you before anyone else does. I think that the tradition is outdated, and

I really doubt your groom will think you look less beautiful before a ceremony as opposed to during one.

The upside to the first look prior to ceremony, is if you take pictures before the ceremony, you'll have the entire cocktail hour to relax and enjoy the time with your guests! My sister got married and did a first look before the ceremony, and she reccommends it. She said it was intimate and sweet to see him and be alone before the wedding. She felt like that bonded them.

My fiance likes the idea of seeing me before the ceremony in private, because he knows his emotions when he sees me in my dress are going to be going crazy, and 1) it'll be awesome to catch in a photo, and 2) because he won't have to just smile at me when he sees me.

Like i said, I understand why you want to have him wait, but either way he's still waiting, the only difference is everyone sees you at once..

Lot's of people do pictures before the ceremony. It's never brought bad luck, or made the groom any less suprised to see their bride.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:15b7f6fb-fff0-4c55-b69b-c5f7ddc47ead">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]While the fantasy in my head thinks it's a big deal, I know the reality is that my fiance is not going to be blasted away by my beauty or gasp or clutch his chest or tear up or anything. The only way I could get his eyebrows to raise was if I went down the aisle nude.
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>SO true. </div>

[Deleted User] · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:5e6279e4-2a12-4954-8f27-adbc2691ac19">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you? : Nice! You'll go far here with that attitude. The truth of the matter is, if you & your FI eloped, then yes...it would be all about you. But once you invite friends & family to participate in the day, it's not ALL about you anymore. That's where etiquette comes to play, making the experience of others as comfortable as possible. That doesn't mean you have to give up what you want, but you have to be considerate of others. It wouldn't be considerate to have a 10h gap just so you & your honey could have a massive photoshoot, right? For me, doing the first look allowed us the time to enjoy the cocktail hour with our guests & not make them wait.
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Couldn't agree more. People think it's a fairytale. </div>

[Deleted User] · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:a26f6f32-e6fa-4531-8b28-3aa32bd2a180">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is your wedding. Not your fiances' families wedding. I want the first time my fiance to see me is when the doors open and I walk down the aisle too; it's not inflexible, at all. There's just something sentimental and kind of sacred about it. The day before, or even 15 minutes before just kind of ruins the whole thing, because then he is going to know what to expect as soon as those doors open. You want him to react when you walk down, and he willl if he doesn't see you beforehand. You can have the photographer take a picture of him as soon as the doors open and document his reaction! (: Don't let anyone else tell you how to plan your wedding, I had to learn that myself. What I wanted to is be around the corner from each other holding hands and take a picture. So we're together before the ceremony, but we don't see each other until the actual ceremony starts. Another idea I wanted to do was have us write a letter to each other, and we would be around the corner from each other so we couldn't see each other and have the photographer take a picture of us reading the letters. I just feel like it would be really special and you could have that picture of you reading your fiance's feelings for you right before the wedding, and him doing the same. ahh i just think it's the cutest idea in the world. <3 good luck with everything! it's going to be beautiful (:
Posted by andieK1208[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I'm sorry, I disagree. If a bride and groom see each other before the ceremony, I really doubt the groom will have any less emotions than when she would be walking down an aisle.

</div>

vikingmom806 · June 2012

Just my two cents: I think it's important to distinguish between the phrases "YOUR wedding" and "YOUR day". Yes, this is a marriage between a couple, and that unification of the two people is basically all about them (and in my case, God). BUT the celebration of that marriage, the wedding and reception, is really all about everyone there! If it wasn't, you wouldn't invite anyone in the first place.

So while it is your wedding, always remember to be a good host/hostess, and take care of your guests. However, the whole first look vs. down the aisle first look thing, really doesn't affect anyone but you and your groom (unless you spend HOURS taking pictures after the ceremony and make your guests wait forever and a day...SO annoying).

That being said, earlier in the day, my fiance, his family, and his groomsmen will be taking photos and me, my family, and my bridesmaids will be taking photos afterwards. This way, we get a big chunk out of the way before the ceremony, and still get to have the first look be when I walk down the aisle. My photographer estimated no more than 30-45 minutes of photography time needed after the ceremony.

Also, if you want to do a huge picture of both families in full, I've seen lots of people do them in the middle of the reception, with the photographer up high, and everyone looking up towards the camera smiling. They turn out really cute, and saves the wait time between the service and the party.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:770e9277-635d-439d-a1d7-461f86a9bc40">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with you 100%. I know for some people the first look removes some of the pressure but for me, I too just want me coming down the aisle to be THE moment. I am doing a first look type thing with my dad though. He doesnt want to walk me down the isle blubbering lol, so we are allotting about 15 mins for a moment for just me and my dad. But to answer your question NO I dont think you are being unflexible, you want what you want, and in this instance that is perfectly fine.
Posted by abbyizzymommy[/QUOTE]

<div>That is such a good idea. I may have to use it myself!</div>

Jlfoster0427 · June 2012

I just got married last weekend and first look was a huge deal to me. I wanted to capture that moment when he saw me for the first time. My photographer did an amazing job at captureing it and was so glad I did it. My nerves were put at ease and I really got to enjoy the moment just the two of us

Wouldnt do it any other way

beth34608 · June 2012

I agree with you. You are not crazy at all. I don't want to do a first look either. Good Luck!!

Brittswan · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:67a851e6-c29b-4213-8998-a5cfbc97dc69">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you? : Good plan, but please take this phrase out of your vocabulary. It is not YOUR day once you invite guests.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but I have to completely dissagree with you on this statement. This day is 100% the day for the bride and groom. Not for the guests. THey are there to share in the joy and celebrate absolutely but the day belongs to the couple.

SarahjaneCurryYates · June 2012

Yes its a big deal to me. He is not going to see me that day until i wall through the church doors! I dont think there is anything wrong with alittle tradition! Its your wedding and you can do it how ever you want to!

NicoleLyn1218 · June 2012

I'm thinking first look for my soon to be FI and I....although we haven't really talked TOO much about this aspect after going ring shopping, it has been moreso bigger details that we have talked about. I love the idea of a private, intimate moment for just him and I to exchange written letters to each other and then do the ceremony. I guess we'll see after I actually have that sparkly ring on my finger.

It is up to you both though, to decide whether you want a first look or to see him for the first time when you're walking toward your future. It also depends on the venue, etc. and what the guests are going to do in the meantime and whether they have to wait for you to take pictures or if it'll work out to take pictures between.

jyoung630 · June 2012

For us, we decided together that that special moment would be a private one. With only a photographer in attendance. For us, it does not diminish the special moment when those doors will open and I will walk down the aisle to him - when we get to walk together from the life we have now, into the life we have chosen together.

amandalovesjason22 · June 2012

OH! i am the SAME way. My fiance is staying in the cabin where our ceremony is being held and i will be staying at our house. Both of our families are wondering why we are staying in different places !
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:d183c771-2f97-41b8-961e-da1367da108c">Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe I'm weird, but this is a HUGE deal to me. My fiance's family keeps asking why we are staying in different hotels the night before the wedding and why we can't do pictures together before the ceremony. Am I crazy? I really want the first time my fiance sees me on the day of the wedding to be when I come down the aisle... One of my fiance's sisters got married the day we were receiving the remnants of a tropical storm (strange in NY) and because they knew there was going to be bad weather, she actually put her dress on the day before her wedding and they did their pictures outside the day before! I think that his family thinks I'm being stupid and inflexible when really I just want that first moment to be really special.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

delysee · June 2012

Compromise:

I wont do a "first look," but we want to pray together beforehand, and I saw the most beautiful picture that made it make sense. Maybe adding some blindfolds.

HollyRae28 · June 2012

I'm refusing to do a first look as well. I agree... I just want the big moment when I walk down the aisle!

I defnitely understand the adavantages of the first look.... But I just can't!

Mirriande · June 2012

Not my thing, but neither is not seeing him until I walk down the aisle. Future Hubby and I plan to help each other get dressed and spend as much of the day as we can together. But if it is something that is important to you, then there is nothing wrong with stressing the importance of it! Everyone has something different that they find important.

OwningAHome1981 · June 2012

I wanted do pics after the ceremony but it will cut into our cocktail hour and I don't want to miss that- so he will be seeing me before the ceremony. Not ideal but I want to be able to mingle with family and enjoy the food and relax before the big reception.

knjorgensen · June 2012

We are planning on a "private" first look -- meaning it will be before the ceremony. The photographer's suggestion sealed the deal for us, she explained it would be hard to capture both our reactions in the same photo with me standing at the end of the aisle and him at the altar.

We are also looking forward to taking care of photos pre-ceremony so that we are not rushed after the ceremony to appear at the reception or to keep our guests waiting...

MangoSong · June 2012

I actually asked him what his thoughts were, he said it was VERY important to him not to see me until I'm walking down the aisle.

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