Dealing with deployment.

shewentwhoa · February 2010

Alright ladies I need some advice.

My fiance is deploying. So... my question is how do you deal with you husband being gone ?

meltoine · February 2010

I don't have any personal experience with a deployment, but I can re-iterate what I've heard other people say:

Keep busy. Take a class (a new language, ballet, cooking, something) to give you something to do a reason to get out of the house.

Have something that you do for him everyday or every week. Take a photo of yourself and put it in an online album that he can look at when he gets a chance. Write him a letter.

The first one is always the hardest. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be angry. But keep it in the proper place. Have your time to cry, but also realize when it's time to get up and live your life.

Good luck preparing for the deployment, and remember - we're always here if you need someone to vent to!

blondiealwayfun · February 2010

My for sent me these last time.. gl with the deployment, the first one is the hardiest!

Use and abuse the following tips, not listed in any particular order of
importance, to help you make that the time in between the times that matter
the most to you go by just a little faster.

1. Be a joiner in your unit's family readiness group. There, you will not
only find the support and friendship of others sharing the same experience,
but you will also be among the first to learn of any noteworthy news.
2. Enroll in a certificate or degree program. You will not only keep busy
with the books but you will be making yourself more marketable for the
future as well. Research military spouse-specific scholarships and grants to
defray the cost.
3. Perfect the art of rollerblading. Or quilting. Or antiquing. Try whatever
you think may bring you inner happiness and do it shamelessly.
4. Train to run a marathon or walk around the mall five times.
5. Lose that last 10 pounds once and for all. And just in time for
homecoming.
6. Befriend the new girl in the unit. She needs it.
7. Go shopping but don't go crazy shopping. You don't need more debt.
8. Try on a new haircut or color for a change.
9. Be an everyday hero by volunteering to help out in your community.
10. Email your loved one every day. Tell him how much you love him, miss him
and can't wait for him to come home.
11. Avoid sequestering yourself away from the general public. It'll just
bring you down.
12. Ask for help when you need it and know that everyone needs it sometimes.

13. Don't overbook yourself in the name of keeping busy. You'll only stress
yourself out more.
14. Just breathe. Breathing is good. In. Out. In. Out. Lower that heart rate
and repeat "this too shall pass."
15. Plan a girl's night out and make enjoying yourself the number one
priority.
16. Take up that a new hobby.
17. Live your life and avoid sitting by the phone in hopes of his call. He
will call. You may be there, or you may not, but he will call again.
18. Make a care package and send to your sweetheart. Include gifts, letters
and pictures from his darling offspring.
19. Read the classics or get your fill of mindless junk, whichever works for
you.
20. Rent and watch every chick flick you've ever wanted to, but haven't seen
yet.
21. Resist the urge to move back home with your parents. Visit them instead.
It will make everyone happier in the long run.
22. Plan a trip to someplace you've always wanted to go and do it.
23. Get a new job or get yourself promoted on your old one.
24. Keep your sweetie in everyone's thoughts and conversations daily even if
he can't be there in person.
25. Don't be a news junkie. It will just make you crazy.
26. Save money towards a particular goal for your family or just for the two
of you.
27. Send him a spicy letter with a one redeemable coupon for _________ (you
fill in the blank).
28. Do something nice for yourself once a week without fail. Have your nails
done. Get a massage. Splurge on a pedicure. Eat out a nice restaurant. You
deserve it.
29. Focus on your kids if you have them. They need the most now.
30. Accept that some days will just suck, some worse than others, and get on
with it.
31.If you don't live near an installation and think everyone around you is
clueless about life in the military, clue them in.
32. Start a journal and faithfully record your thoughts, feelings, fears and
joys.
33. Create a countdown calendar and enjoy seeing each day pass that brings
you closer. This might be especially helpful for younger children who don't
quite have a grasp on the concept of time.
34. Accept that he won't always sound happy when you do hear from him.
35. Dig way down deep inside of yourself and know that you will make it
through this tough time.

MOBinFL2008 · February 2010

Blondiealwaysfun gave you some wonderful advice.

Six months after my DD was married, her husband who is in the National Guard, left for 6 months of Officer training. He came home at the end of November and in January he left for Fort Hood to prepare for his deployment. My DD is with him this weekend, saying goodbye.

My DD is following all of the advice from the previous post. The worst thing you can do is isolate yourself and have a pity party. Seek out other who may be lonely, and make plans with them. For Valentine's Day my DD had 3 other young wives, who she met online through their Family Readiness Group, to her home for dinner. It was something for all of them to do rather than sitting home crying in the dark!

eskamo · February 2010

If you want some more ideas/information the Military Nesties board on The Nest has a really good FAQ page with losts of links for this kind of thing. GL

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL* · February 2010

Not really related to your post but I can tell exactly what unit your hubby to be is based off his unit patch and crest...all the way down to his name, rank, division, and battalion all based off of your pics you have on your profile..... I would suggest changing that to protect him and you a little better

JMU_Bride09 · February 2010

Basically all you can do is keep yourself busy and try not to let yourself get down (easier said than done, I know). Spend time with family and friends, maybe even pick up a new hobby (FH's grandmother learned how to water ski when her husband was away!). Write him letters, and if you can't send them, save them, that way you feel as if you're keeping in touch and will have a written record of what happened while you two were apart. And I find that counting down the days till you see him again actually helps...that way you have a finite amount of time (x amount of days) rather than a random date in your mind.

hh581842 · February 2010

Yeah the first deployment was tough, but the ones that followed aren't much better to be honest. It's just a different feeling. For me, during the first one, I missed him but there was a freshness about it. Like, I missed him, and it was an intense intense longing, but I was always so excited when we emailed back and forth and when he called me. (He's in the Navy so he has frequent access to the internet and a cell phone he can use in port.) Now it feels different to me. This time he's been gone since August '09 (stationed in Japan) and I visited him in December. I've gotten used to him being gone, so now I miss him, but the longing is deeper, less on the surface.. And the emails and calls are routine so the excitement isn't there as much either. I suppose it's easier than the very first deployment but it just feels more...tired...to me. Deployments are always gonna suck--you just have to get used to it and be prepared for it :-/

That being said, we've made it through pretty well, so I'll tell you what has helped us. Emailing A LOT. We are so lucky these days we have email!! cuz back in the day poor military families had to use snail mail!! We used it like AIM. We would just email short sentences back and forth and have a conversation. Talk about all the little, unimportant things that go on in your lives. You have to make sure you stay connected and continue to grow together, and telling each other the day to day stuff helps a lot! I didn't do this, but some couples read a book or watch a tv series at the same time so that they can have more to talk about and get excited about together. Send him things all the time! When they're deployed they love to get mail, and being the one person without it sucks. So I send care packages with treats I baked and his favorite candy or snacks. (One tip for sending baked goods--Put them in Ziplok vacuum pack bags and pump ALL the air out! It keeps baked goods fresh for WAYYY long!! So even if it takes a couple weeks to send him the package, the brownies or whatever you put in there will still be fresh!! And don't wrap them in plastic wrap first, just straight into the bag!) My guy sends me postcards all the time and flowers every once in a while. I can't tell you what those cards meant to me.

This is really long!! haha. Other than that, just stay focused on the fact that he'll be home before you know it. Like I said, deployments suck, and you should be prepared for that, but they also go by really fast. I don't think it's as important to get involved in a ton of new activities--You don't need to become the next Martha Stewart or something to get by lol. mainly, just go on about your life. Hang out with friends, go to work, go to the gym. The one good thing about a deployment is that you have free time, and you can do whatever you want with it haha. So I work out a lot, and hang out with my girls....and watch The Bachelor!! haha...And there are no complaints from my guy hahaha. Just stay in touch as much as you can, try and have fun with it, and it will be over before you know it!

hh581842 · February 2010

Also, concerning *HiS ChAmAoLe G.'s message about his rank and info visible in your pic, I doubt that's a big deal. LOL. I mean, there's no harm in being overly cautious, but if it were a danger to OPSEC, then military members wouldn't wear rank or insignia on their uniforms. It would be a problem if at the end of your note you wrote, "oh btw, My husband and his company will be in ___ city on___ date." But him being in uniform doesn't give any information other than that he's....in the military and that his unit/batallion...exists hahaha. that info is pretty much common knowledge on the internet already anyway. So unless he becomes a Seal or Delta or something i wouldn't worry lol.

shewentwhoa · February 2010

Thank you ladies for the advice.

it's just going to be hard with him being gone, especially after we just got married.

ang32884 · February 2010

We just reached 2 more monthes to go until he gets back from a deployment. and yes it does suck. One thing that really, REALLY helps is if he has easy access to a computer then you can use a webcam. its the best tool ever.

hh581842 · March 2010

yeah, the only thing with the webcam is that depending on the ship or where he's going, they may not allow instant communication like that. On my guy's ship, Facebook chat, AIM, and skype were all blocked on his deployment because with that instant comm, the Navy can't monitor what info the soldiers/sailors say and censor it. With instant comm, once a soldier violates OPSEC over the internet, there's no way to get it back, and you never know who's listening.

So it's really lucky that you get to use webcam! It's def not going to be an option for everyone though, just throwing that out as a disclaimer.

Junebug060609 · March 2010

I'm just bumming around here bc someone on TN mentioned some formatting had changed on TK and I was curious what it was like. Saw this post and figured I'd chime in as I dealt with similar.
My H has more or less been at sea since we got back from the HM. He had sea trials for weeks at a time followed by an actual deployment. To answer the OP, you just deal with it. Find things to keep yourself busy. Join support groups if you need to. You'll figure out what works for you. Some ladies even go back and live with their family (not my cup of tea, but to each their own). 
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_dealing-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:8d7a3859-f2fc-46c2-80a6-9bc85ef913fbPost:7d4877be-a328-441f-9789-7fcf5460542c">Re: Dealing with deployment.</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, concerning *HiS ChAmAoLe G. 's message about his rank and info visible in your pic, I doubt that's a big deal. LOL. I mean, there's no harm in being overly cautious, but if it were a danger to OPSEC, then military members wouldn't wear rank or insignia on their uniforms. It would be a problem if at the end of your note you wrote, "oh btw, My husband and his company will be in ___ city on___ date." But him being in uniform doesn't give any information other than that he's....in the military and that his unit/batallion...exists hahaha. that info is pretty much common knowledge on the internet already anyway. So unless he becomes a Seal or Delta or something i wouldn't worry lol.
Posted by hh581842[/QUOTE]
Its more of a PERSEC concern, actually. I know I wouldn't want information on a very public board that could show random internet strangers where we're at. Not to mention that anyone reading this board would know roughly when your husband would be gone.

kyrgyzstan · March 2010

I agree with Junebug on the PERSEC front.

And also, it is an OPSEC violation here because she's talking about a deployment. "My FH is deploying soon and he's with this unit..." is a violation. OPSEC/PERSEC is ALL about puzzle pieces. Eevery little thing you post is a piece to a puzzle. If you post enough edge pieces, the enemy can put the picture together. Open Source Intel is some of the most damning intel there is. It's scary to really think about.

Better to be safe than sorry, and that doesn't just go for Recon/DF/Seals.

libra44423 · March 2010

I sleep in his spot in the bed lol

Dealing with deployment.

Re: Dealing with deployment.

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