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May 2010 Weddings

A day full of doubts...

I don't know if I'm super hormonal or WTF is going on but I have just had the worst thoughts, and the lowest self esteem lately. I found out today after a month of waiting that I was NOT accepted into the PhD of Epedemiology program and that was a major crusher....major. One thing that I am most passionate about more than anything in life is science. Its what I'm good at, what interests me and what I want to do for the rest of my life. After a long and confusing time in college (after I decided I didn't want to be physician because I got to see what people are really like and Im not that patient) I had to find something else to do after college since I had always planned on furthering my education beyond my bachelors. Well...I put everything into this emotionally and I just want to cry my face off. 

Then, the stress of all this house buying crap has really drained FI and me and we've been snapping at each other. Nothing big but we never do this and so I guess that's why it hurts that much more. 

I'm just drained and its making me a poopy person to be around and I'm trying to stay positive and I am really excited about everything thats coming up but for some reason I can't shake this blah feeling. It just sucks. Royally. but thanks for letting me vent :)
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Re: A day full of doubts...

  • Steph sorry to hear that you have been under alot of stress lately. Stress can through your homones out of wack. You might to see your gyn to see if that's thae case.

    Best thing you can do is take some time to yourself, Alone Time. Having children has cause me alot of stress since my first was born. I have been told more then. one that my hormones have been off balance. My body dosen't react well to artiffical hormones. I found that a little alone tome every know and then has been a big help. I don't what I find most elaxing with is writing, shopping, or watching a good scary movie. A nice message might help. there should be a message school in your area, that way you want have to spend too much. Trust me Steph when i say that every thing will be ok.  Is there more then one school with a PhD of Epedemiology program? You might want to see if you can sign up for theirs.  
  • So sorry!! Stay positive and I'm sure things will work out.  I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and something great will come out of all of this!!! Happy thoughts coming your way!
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  • If they didn't specify why you weren't accepted into the program, it could very well be that they've just already filled all of their available slots and that you could still be accepted the next time around. Chin up. :) If you love life science that much, you must be pretty good at it, and that means that you will find a way to make it your career.

    FI and I snapping at each other a lot, too, and we never do that, either. Getting married is a BIG DEAL. It's a big life transition, and that's bound to be tough, even if it's a good transition. Then you throw in all of the craziness of planning and coordinating a wedding, and it's no wonder that you're stressed out and down.

    If you can get ahold of a copy of The Conscious Bride by Sheryl Paul, you might want to leaf through it. It's a little hippy-dippy, but she has some really good observations about major life transitions and how, even when the change is good, we need to take some time to grieve for the stage we're leaving and the things we're giving up. She says that when we don't do that, it tends to break out in unexplained sadness and anxiety. It helped me to realize that I wasn't crazy or making a mistake-- I was just a normal girl, going through something big.
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  • Stephers, I'm sorry hun.  I know what it's like to get "not accepted" letters from grad school.  It sucks, especially when you're so passionate about something.  But like pp said, have a good cry, then keep your chin up. Apply again,a nd really, don't feel bad about pulling any strings, making any calls, and using your connections.  Call some of the professors! Talk to them, and then apply again.  Their word of mouth just might be the deciding difference.

    When the weather's better, I can't wait to go walking with FI again. Between working 7 days a week, and having so much to do, I'm getting frazzled with him.  Our walks used to help so much.
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