My FI and I have been engaged since Feb 2010. When we got engaged, we were aware of his sister's (I'll call her "K") health. She was in stage 4 of a rare blood cancer (and had been for almost 4 years). We originally planned the wedding for October 2010, and a couple of months later I had asked my very close family/friends to be my bridesmaids. (My two sisters as MOH, best friend as BM, and FI's two sisters (both to which I am very close).) At the time I had asked the girls to be my BMs, we all knew that K had cancer and it was more than likely she wouldn't make it until October. Because of this, I had asked my very close friend, "J", who lives halfway across the country, to be my stand-in BM, just in case K wouldn't have been able to be a part. J agreed to do so.
Later we decided, because of the possibility of K not making it, we pushed the wedding date back to spring of 2011. We were putting into consideration the following: 1) we did not want to be grieving while getting married, 2) we kept finding ourselves planning (or trying to plan) around her sickness (whether or not she would be well enough), and 3) we also did not want our wedding date to be so closely attached to her possible death.
K passed away on Mother's Day 2010. It took me almost three months before I could even think about any wedding plans again. We didn't even decide on a date until September. Our wedding date is 06.25.2011. Since I've started planning again, J, my friend from afar, has become pregnant and is due end of June.
So until today I thought: I'm going to have 4 BMs instead of 5. So, no one will be taking the place of K, as we feel she is irreplaceable. FI will have 5 GM. This is acceptable. And, I guess I feel like I've been wanting a way to "remember her" at the wedding, so this will be good if her name is on the program showing some sort of dedication to her memory, etc., etc.,
Well this was until...now my FI has decided he would only like 4 GM. I know it evens it out, but it won't make as much of a "rememberance" (I can't find the right words) to her if it doesn't appear there's an empty space. Man, does any of this even make any sense? Ugh...it's such a sensitive subject with the family and I don't want to step on any toes, especially those of my FI.
I think I need to stick with having 4 BM, 4 GM, and then find another way to pay tribute to her. This way to pay tribute will need to be pretty big...not just a little token of appreciation...but something bigger and more loving! She was a huge part of the family and has been taken from all of us and we're so excited to be getting married, but she was such a huge encouragement throughout our relationship, so it's necessary to honor her life.
Sorry everyone...I know this long...but I am obviously confused and my brain is swimming with how to handle the loss of my dear FSIL while still celebrating our wedding! Thanks in advance for any advice.
