Etiquette

question about including parents

I need help with a parent issue.  My parents have done a lot for me, been extremely supportive and encouraging and have been there for me my entire life.  They are also helping me pay for a lot of the wedding and have been involved with the planning of it.  On the otherhand, my fiance had a very difficult childhood growing up and has only recently (past couple of years) reconnected with his mom and her side of the family.  While he is very happy to have them involved in his life now, (and they are making an effort to become more involved in his life now) they were not there for him while he was growing up and other than attending the wedding, they are otherwise not involved with it or paying for any of it.
So here is my question, I would really like to honor my parents at the wedding or give a special thanks to them for everything they have done for me; however, I'm not sure how to do this without making his parents feel excluded.  Suggestions please???

Re: question about including parents

  • I might write a letter to your parents or give them a nice gift - privately. Then, I'd do something that doesn't exclude your FI's parents during the wedding, like listing them in the program, or writing a note in the program thanking your families for support.
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  • I agree with mery - there isn't a way to publicly do it without making the other parents look weird/unhelpful.
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  • There is no way to recognize one set of parents at the wedding and not the other without at least potentially hurting some feelings. Thank your parents in private. Get them a great gift, write them a heartfelt card, and/or just tell them how much everything they've done for you means to you. They will probably understand that it would be difficult to give them recognition at the wedding without hurting some feelings, after all, they probably aren't giving you all of this support just to get a public thank you. :) Thank them in private.
  • We are giving each of our parents something special before the ceremony in private. There is no need to make it public. So do something with your parents while you are still in the dressing room. You WILL hurt your FI's parents & even maybe your FI & his side of the family if you make it public about your parents. If you exclude one set of parents I feel trouble will happen. I'm sure his parents feel bad about missing out in his life & maybe they can't financially help you two out. Thelast thing you want to do is create a wedge between them with you & your FH again.
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