Bridesmaid Kicked Out

tiffany104 · July 2012

Last week was a total nightmare and I ended up kicking out one of my bridesmaids. She is the type of person where nothing is ever her fault and if it's not about her then she makes it about her. My problem now is the girls dresses are coming in this week. I've already spoken to the dress shop and advised them not to contact her and I would pay the balance. I'm now undecided if I should replace her or just keep it with the girls I currently have. If I replace her I feel bad because the person would know that they are coming into this pretty late but what would I do with this extra dress if I don't replace her? So confused! Help!

msuprincess04 · July 2012

Don't replace her and sell the dress if you don't want it.

You'll hear a lot about how kicking someone out is ridiculous and a bridezilla move. But, since it's already happened, and you've given up your friendship, as you have the right to do, it's done.

Don't replace her, because, as you stated, no one wants to feel like second string, and have a great wedding.

jnjmommy0609 · July 2012

I wouldn't replace her. It makes you look bad and the person you choose feel like they weren't good enough the first time.

Maybe donate..or sell..the dress?

msuprincess04 · July 2012

[QUOTE]I'm in a similiar situation and feel your pain. I'm marrying my best friends brother but that hasn't stopped her from trying to ruin our wedding and put the attention on her. I ended up kicking her out after the drama she pulled last week. Posted by tiffany104[/QUOTE]

You kicked out your best friend and soon to be sister in law? Holy crap! That's going to have family drama all over it.

kmmssg · July 2012

If she paid a deposit on the dress you will need to reimburse her for that since you have removed her from your wedding.

tiffany104 · July 2012

Yes, my bff and future sister-in-law is who I kicked out. She caused the drama and it's very clear that she was the problem as I have seen the emails she went back and forth with my other bridesmaids in. My MIL and FI both know she caused the problems and she is wrong so it's totally fine. Bridezilla move, yes but no more drama and stress is totally worth it!

Thank you all for your responses!

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-kicked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7de939f8-7dd6-4c51-af45-b5b45684497ePost:a23f2bad-ff4a-44be-9bd0-1242e6e3e558">Re: Bridesmaid Kicked Out</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, my bff and future sister-in-law is who I kicked out. She caused the drama and it's very clear that she was the problem as I have seen the emails she went back and forth with my other bridesmaids in. My MIL and FI both know she caused the problems and she is wrong so it's totally fine. <strong>Bridezilla move, yes but no more drama and stress is totally worth it</strong>! Thank you all for your responses!
Posted by tiffany104[/QUOTE]

You think so? Do you imagine that you are never going to see this woman again as long as you live? You'll have drama over this....at every family gathering. It doesn't matter what your FILS think about this situation and don't count on them still taking your side down the road when there is some distance between them and the wedding. I think you are going to sorely regret your inability to see past your wedding day and will regret this move for decades to come. Have fun with that.

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-kicked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7de939f8-7dd6-4c51-af45-b5b45684497ePost:75551343-b091-40a3-98b9-072912320381">Bridesmaid Kicked Out</a>:
[QUOTE]Last week was a total nightmare and I ended up kicking out one of my bridesmaids. She is the type of person where nothing is ever her fault and if it's not about her then she makes it about her. My problem now is the girls dresses are coming in this week. I've already spoken to the dress shop and advised them not to contact her and I would pay the balance. I'm now undecided if I should replace her or just keep it with the girls I currently have. <strong>If I replace her I feel bad because the person would know that they are coming into this pretty late but what would I do with this extra dress if I don't replace her?</strong> So confused! Help!
Posted by tiffany104[/QUOTE]
Don't replace her because, you're right, the person will know they are just a replacement. It's like they didn't make the first round draft picks. It sucks.

If she put any money into it, it should be her financial responsibility.
If she didn't, then take the dress and sell it on e-bay or something. You could also donate it.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

It was bad enough you kicked someone out; don't make it any worse by replacing her.

ETA: If she put any money down on the dress, she needs to be given that money back. I would probably try selling the dress--maybe try the Wedding Classifieds board here for starters.

tiffany104 · July 2012

Thank you all!

tiffany104 · July 2012

I am definitely not shortsighted about this at all. you know nothing other than the short paragraph I posted. i understand she will be in my life forever but I don't need the stress or drama she has caused during this short time. I've seen and heard numerous brides kicking someone out of their bridal party so this shouldn't be news to you. Things happen and sometimes it's best to part ways and move on.

aragx6 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-kicked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7de939f8-7dd6-4c51-af45-b5b45684497ePost:640e17db-7053-4d2c-a97a-ec7e8c1f2c9a">Re: Bridesmaid Kicked Out</a>:
[QUOTE]I am definitely not shortsighted about this at all. you know nothing other than the short paragraph I posted. i understand she will be in my life forever but I don't need the stress or drama she has caused during this short time. I've seen and heard numerous brides kicking someone out of their bridal party so this shouldn't be news to you. Things happen and sometimes<strong> it's best to part ways and move on.</strong>
Posted by tiffany104[/QUOTE]

But this is going to be family. You can't exactly part ways and move on the same way as if it was an old college buddy. I'd bet money that this will cause far more drama in the future than you think you've saved yourself.

Andplusalso, if you don't want us to judge and comment on the situation based solely on the one paragraph you posted, why did you only post one paragraph? Do you imagine us to be clairvoyant?

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-kicked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7de939f8-7dd6-4c51-af45-b5b45684497ePost:640e17db-7053-4d2c-a97a-ec7e8c1f2c9a">Re: Bridesmaid Kicked Out</a>:
[QUOTE]I am definitely not shortsighted about this at all. you know nothing other than the short paragraph I posted. i understand she will be in my life forever but I don't need the stress or drama she has caused during this short time. I've seen and heard numerous brides kicking someone out of their bridal party so this shouldn't be news to you. Things happen and sometimes it's best to part ways and move on.
Posted by tiffany104[/QUOTE]

Let us know how parting ways works out at every family function for the rest of your lives.

Maggie0829 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-kicked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7de939f8-7dd6-4c51-af45-b5b45684497ePost:640e17db-7053-4d2c-a97a-ec7e8c1f2c9a">Re: Bridesmaid Kicked Out</a>:
[QUOTE]I am definitely not shortsighted about this at all. you know nothing other than the short paragraph I posted. i understand she will be in my life forever but I don't need the stress or drama she has caused during this short time. <strong>I've seen and heard numerous brides kicking someone out of their bridal party so this shouldn't be news to you</strong>. Things happen and sometimes it's best to part ways and move on.
Posted by tiffany104[/QUOTE]

Yes I am sure that those kicked out of the wedding were perfectly fine with the decision and it had no effect on the relationship with the bride whatsoever. (please read with a sarcastic tone)

runpipparun · July 2012

I am not one to talk about great relationships with FSIL. I've not ever even met mine in person and she is already mad at me. First, I don't vote in creepy Facebook beauty pageants for my 1 y/o future niece, so I'm not "supportive." Second, when FI's mom asked about the FG and RB situation, he said that we weren't doing it and we were going to offer childcare so that the super young kids could play, since our ceremony is long and religious. FSIL went nuts and called me nasty names and said horrible things to FI.

Anyway, I'm letting HIM sort that all out. It's his sister. They were never close before, and they've never had a fight this bad, but we were going to ask her if she'd like to carry up the oblations or read the petitions or something. Especially since my bro is my Man of Honor. But I'm willing to keep an open mind if they patch things up.

On the other hand, after witnessing her temper, she is someone we will keep at a healthy distance, even if we are able to work it out.

ETA: I've rambled here, but the point is, that's your FI's sister, as well as your best friend. Keep an open mind and don't do anything out of anger or hurt that will jeopardize your future relationship... other than kicking her out, because evidently that ship has sailed.

runpipparun · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-kicked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7de939f8-7dd6-4c51-af45-b5b45684497ePost:fcb43776-07f4-458c-bb01-14eef83ac886">Re: Bridesmaid Kicked Out</a>:
[QUOTE]mistake #1 - kicking her out of the wedding. Mistake #2 - thinking giving her a lame chore will make up for this. Congrats. You gave her a VERY public slight that she isn't likely to forget, and you'll get to re-live it at every family holiday, birth, christening, wedding and funeral.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>OP didn't even give her a lame chore, did she? I didn't see anything about guarding a guest book or anything.</div><div>
</div><div>(If you were reading MY post, my FSIL was never in our wedding. We hadn't even gotten to ask her to be involved in the service yet. She freaked out when she found out her kids weren't going to be in it, and that we were encouraging parents of smaller kids to use our church's nursery during the service. So I haven't kicked anyone out.)</div>

MyNameIsNot · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-kicked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7de939f8-7dd6-4c51-af45-b5b45684497ePost:640e17db-7053-4d2c-a97a-ec7e8c1f2c9a">Re: Bridesmaid Kicked Out</a>:
[QUOTE]I am definitely not shortsighted about this at all. you know nothing other than the short paragraph I posted. i understand she will be in my life forever but I don't need the stress or drama she has caused during this short time. <strong> I've seen and heard numerous brides kicking someone out of their bridal party so this shouldn't be news to you</strong>. Things happen and sometimes it's best to part ways and move on.
Posted by tiffany104[/QUOTE]

<div>Sure, plenty of people do it, but that doesn't change the fact that it is one of the nastiest things a person can do to someone she used to call a friend. It isn't news to me that people abuse children either, but that certainly doesn't make it acceptable. It doesn't matter what this woman did to you. Unless she tried to kill you or sleep with your FI, what you did to her was disgusting and worse. Nothing anyone could put in an email could justify the way you've treated a person you used to call a BFF. She will be in your life for a long time, and you will have to live with the consequences of what you've done. Eventually you'll pull your head out of your ass and regret your behavior and regret that everyone's memories of your wedding will be marred with this. </div><div>
</div><div>Don't replace her and reimburse her for the dress deposit. </div>

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