Just Engaged and Proposals

Vent..How to say yes we got engaged but we won't be planning anything soon if at all?

We just got engaged at the end of February and already people are asking if we have plans.  I understand that it's probably normal for people to ask such questions. Here's the deal though, FH and I haven't even decided how we want to get married...if there will even be the wedding everyone(mostly his family) keeps asking about.  There are alot of things that come into play why we are not sure how we want to do it yet. His sister's both have sent me emails asking about wedding plans and that their husbands need time in advance to take off work, one of them went as far to tell their vacation plans for the next year.  If we did plan a wedding there would be plenty of notice for anyone we wanted there, as anyone would have to travel and ask to take off work. What I don't understand is why they expect us to have date or anything so soon. In my mind I just got engaged!, let me enjoy this and calling him my FI, neither one of us plan on getting married this year  2012 or 2013 we still don't know.

So, what is the best way to say we are not planning anything yet and if we do we'll let you know or send an announcement after we elope?

Re: Vent..How to say yes we got engaged but we won't be planning anything soon if at all?

  • "Oh we're just enjoying being engaged!  We'll of course let you know as soon as we do make any plans!"

    It wouldn't hurt to mention (to sisters and close family at least) that you're definitely not thinking of doing anything for AT LEAST a year
  • Just to add on - FWIW, most people don't really know what to say after "congratulations" so they inevitably follow with "when's the big day"  (people at work started doing this to me the DAY after; obviously we didn't have a date yet).  Just rehearse the above and try to keep it sounding happy; the average person isn't trying to bug you, they just don't know what else to say!
  • "We haven't made any plans yet, and it won't be anytime soon. We're happy just being engaged right now!"
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_venthow-say-yes-got-engaged-but-wont-planning-anything-soon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:c89d7ad4-d10a-4a22-a5a0-e731ca5ce397Post:9c640b0c-3145-4080-9477-15b46a034eaf">Re: Vent..How to say yes we got engaged but we won't be planning anything soon if at all?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just to add on - FWIW, most people don't really know what to say after "congratulations" so they inevitably follow with "when's the big day"  (people at work started doing this to me the DAY after; obviously we didn't have a date yet).  Just rehearse the above and try to keep it sounding happy; the average person isn't trying to bug you, they just don't know what else to say!
    Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this 100%! It is just like when someone is pregnant and people's natural responses after "Congrats!" is "When is it due?".  When being asked by multiple people, don't get frustrated with them.  Sending out an engagement announcement or FB status stating that you want to enjoy being engaged a while before making any plans may help ease that wedding date anxiety with some people.  It is super easy for a family member to get excited about a wedding, so just be patient.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_venthow-say-yes-got-engaged-but-wont-planning-anything-soon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:c89d7ad4-d10a-4a22-a5a0-e731ca5ce397Post:9c640b0c-3145-4080-9477-15b46a034eaf">Re: Vent..How to say yes we got engaged but we won't be planning anything soon if at all?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just to add on - FWIW, most people don't really know what to say after "congratulations" so they inevitably follow with "when's the big day"  (people at work started doing this to me the DAY after; obviously we didn't have a date yet).  Just rehearse the above and try to keep it sounding happy; the average person isn't trying to bug you, they just don't know what else to say!
    Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.  Generally, people don't ask you that question to annoy you; they ask because that's their way of demonstrating excitement for your and your wedding.  Kate's suggested response is perfect.
  • Agree with pps. People just want you know that they are excited that you got engaged & don't know what else to ask other than "when is the big day?"

    Like the pps said just say "We are enjoying being engaged and haven't thought about planning yet." Or " We are planning on having a long engagement so we haven't even thought about a date yet."

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • i agree with the PPs. maybe just laugh it off and say "oh we haven't even thought that far ahead yet, just enjoying the new engagement"
    5/27/12
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  • I agree with pp too.
  • kheatherkheather member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    Thank you ladies!! It doesn't really bother me and I know most people just don't know what to say.  The things is we have already told family and close friends(including the sisters) we have no plans..when we do we'll let them know.  I recived the emails after this.  So, I guess I need a way to be more clear without seeming like an asshole :)
  • To ask when the day is seems like a fairly normal, benign question.  I asked someone that a few months ago and she said, "We don't know yet, but we'll let you know when we decide."  She wasn't snippy about it and I thought that was a fine response. 
  • edited April 2011
    I would take it as a compliment that so many people are interested in your plans. 
    Being engaged is great and you have at least a few months grace period before you have to do anything wedding related but talking about wedding ideas or scouting locations with the FI can actually be really fun.  At the end of the day it takes a long time to plan a wedding though and you get the best locations/ deals if you at least start thinking about the big pieces or times of year that work best for where you live in advance.  For example we booked our venue a year out from our wedding date and that is pretty normal.  I didn't book much else until 7-8 months from the wedding date though.

    You also need to have the awkward who is paying for this shindig conversation with your family if you think they are going to help you out. In my experience seeming overly excited to have a wedding and not just be engaged for a long time helped put those wheels in motion with my parents.  We ended up paying for about half of our wedding but might have done things differently if we had known all the financials up front.

    Congratulations!! Best of luck!
    imageBabyFruit Ticker width="180px">
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