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My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!

cassandra.mariecassandra.marie
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in Moms and Maids
So when we first went looking for my wedding dress, my mom saw this silver party dress at David's Bridal that was in like the prom dress section of the store.  I know they don't have it there anymore, but she keeps talking about how much she liked the dress; I haven't said it to her yet, but I don't think it's "Mother of the Bride" appropriate for the wedding, nor does my fiance.  What do I do? I want her to dress like an adult, but not hurt her feelings at the same time.  I was thinking of buying her a dress and seeing if she liked it and if not I could always return it. What do you think?
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Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!

  • mgietler76mgietler76 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:400ed7e0-46cd-4870-ac84-33a67c838544">My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So when we first went looking for my wedding dress, my mom saw this silver party dress at David's Bridal that was in like the prom dress section of the store.  I know they don't have it there anymore, but she keeps talking about how much she liked the dress; I haven't said it to her yet, but I don't think it's "Mother of the Bride" appropriate for the wedding, nor does my fiance.  What do I do? I want her to dress like an adult, but not hurt her feelings at the same time.  I was thinking of buying her a dress and seeing if she liked it and if not I could always return it. What do you think?
    Posted by cassandra.marie[/QUOTE]

    You need to treat your mother like the adult she is and let her choose her own clothing, she's been dressing herself successfully for years without your input. I don't really know what "Mother of the Bride appropriate" means, but you need to let her wear something that she is comfortable in. I would NOT buy her dress.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto MG.  MOB =/= frumpy.  If the dress is actually showing nipple or crotch, then you might be justified in saying something, but other than that, it's not remotely your place.  Let her dress herself like a big girl.
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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:400ed7e0-46cd-4870-ac84-33a67c838544">My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was thinking of buying her a dress and seeing if she liked it and if not<strong> I could always return it</strong>.
    Posted by cassandra.marie[/QUOTE]

    Actually many formal dresses cannot be returned. Let her buy her own dress, she won't even be in THAT many photos.
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  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom wore a dress that was from the BM section of the store: Chiffon with a low V-neck.  She loved it so she wore it.  I'm pretty sure you would have also found it inappropriate and mom is ample chested to put it mildly and 63.  This is one area where you get no say unless she asks for your opinion - and that goes for your FI also.
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:a945cb69-a4d2-4926-a938-55cdfea5b538">Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto MG.  MOB =/= frumpy.  If the dress is actually showing nipple or crotch, then you might be justified in saying something, but other than that, it's not remotely your place.  Let her dress herself like a big girl.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    Egg-sactly. There's never a 'nice' way to do this, you'll only create hurt feelings and drama over it.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    How about this: You can pick out your mom's dress if she can pick out your's. I didn't think so.

    The MOB and MOG should choose dresses  that match the formality of the wedding (in their opinions) and suit their own individual styles. They don't have to run the selection by you first, although they will probably be excited to show you their dresses. Don't insult your mom by presenting her with a dress that you consider to be appropriate.

    @aerin-your comment made me swallow my coffee the wrong way: )
                       
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Too bad you can't do anything about it--she's your mom and she'll dress how she wants.  Don't worry about what you can't control.  It'll be a funny story someday.
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey, if your mom still has the body/looks to rock out a dress like a 16-year-old, more power to her!

    You're only as old as you feel.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The ONLY comment you should be giving your mom is the one my wonderful DIL and then my fabulous DD gave me for their weddings:

    Me:  What do you want me to wear for your wedding?
    DIL:  Whatever you feel beautiful and comfortable in.
        Did I mention that I adore my DIL?

    Me:  I think I found a dress for your wedding.
    DD:  DId you buy it?
    Me:  No, I thought you might want to see it first.
    DD:  Mom, if you love it, then it's perfect.  Go back and order it.

    See how easy that was?  You're out of line here.

    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Clearly the only thing to do is to tell her that you will not be letting her out of the house, young lady, and if she doesn't like it she can go to her room!

    Oh wait, she's not a teenager and you're not her mother.

    Since when do you get to dictate what she wears?
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  • sprtychick10sprtychick10
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    agree 100% with all the PP's. If your mom wants to get the dress, so be it. There are going to be bigger things you will stress over then this. 

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  • KermitTheKittyKermitTheKitty member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel the OP's pain and have to say that I disagree with the PP's. I had a worse dilema with my mother and her dress. My mother has no clue about social appropriatness sometimes, and for my wedding, instead of acting as a typical MOB, she just wants no part of things, but instead of directly telling me this, she just says she just acts wishy washy. Fine, I get it, just let my brother escort you down the aisle to your seat, appear in the pictures, and you can just sit tucked away in lala land for the rest of the wedding like you want. But she had to get purposefully difficult and innappropriate with the dress situation, so I just bought her one and told her that was what she was wearing.


    I will say though, as a side note, that whenever anyone has even the slightest dilema with someone in their WP, the other brides will just jump down her throat and accuse her of being selfish, bitchy, etc., regardless of the situation. Just something I've noticed...
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:de8a4b21-41ac-4e68-97cc-604bdeccca97">Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel the OP's pain and have to say that I disagree with the PP's. I had a worse dilema with my mother and her dress. My mother has no clue about social appropriatness sometimes, and for my wedding, <strong>instead of acting as a typical MOB, </strong>she just wants no part of things, but instead of directly telling me this, she just says she just acts wishy washy. Fine, I get it, just let my brother escort you down the aisle to your seat, appear in the pictures, and you can just sit tucked away in lala land for the rest of the wedding like you want. But she had to get purposefully difficult and innappropriate with the dress situation, so I just bought her one and told her that was what she was wearing. I will say though, as a side note, that whenever anyone has even the slightest dilema with someone in their WP, the other brides will just jump down her throat and accuse her of being selfish, bitchy, etc., regardless of the situation. Just something I've noticed...
    Posted by KermitTheKitty[/QUOTE]

    What's a "typical MOB" do? Just because it's your mother doesn't mean she has to be involved in every little thing. It also doesn't mean she has to pay for anything. Some mothers are super excited and want to help in every way possible; others don't. There is no "typical" way a MOB has to act. And I'm curious what was inappropriate about her dress.....

    To the OP:  Let your mother dress herself. Like someone else said, unless she's showing boobs or her butt is literally hanging out, I would just go with it. I know my mom doesn't like the "typical" MOB dresses b/c many are frumpy and made for someone like 40 years older than her (she is 53). She is going to look at BM dresses and cocktail dresses for mine, and I have no problem with that! Let your mom be comfortable with what she wears. Unless the church has a rule that says for instance "no sleeveless shirts" and she wants sleeveless, you really have no reason to judge or say anything, unless she asks for an honest opinion; even then, I would tread carefully and be sure to not be hurtful with doling out your opinion.

    I do not think your FI should get involved with this AT ALL. i think that would be awkward and out of place for him to say something about the way your mom is "dressing inappropriately." I know that would not go over well with my mother.


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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Just take her shopping and point out dresses that you think would be awesome on her. Ask her to try them on just to humor you. She may fall in love with one of your selections.

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  • orangecrush32orangecrush32 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom wore a BM dress to my oldest sister's wedding. She didn't like any of the MOB dresses. She said they made her feel old. She chose the dress all on her own and she looked great! (Which is actually surprisingly since she generally doesn't buy anything without someone's approval.) Trust your mother to pick her own dress. And don't buy her one. If you can't let go of her dress taste, maybe suggest you two go shopping for dresses together like you did for your dress.
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  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:de8a4b21-41ac-4e68-97cc-604bdeccca97">Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel the OP's pain and have to say that I disagree with the PP's. I had a worse dilema with my mother and her dress. My mother has no clue about social appropriatness sometimes, and for my wedding, instead of acting as a typical MOB, she just wants no part of things, but instead of directly telling me this, she just says she just acts wishy washy. Fine, I get it, just let my brother escort you down the aisle to your seat, appear in the pictures, and you can just sit tucked away in lala land for the rest of the wedding like you want. But she had to get purposefully difficult and innappropriate with the dress situation, so I just bought her one and told her that was what she was wearing.<strong>I will say though, as a side note, that whenever anyone has even the slightest dilema with someone in their WP, the other brides will just jump down her throat and accuse her of being selfish, bitchy, etc., regardless of the situation. Just something I've noticed...
    </strong>Posted by KermitTheKitty[/QUOTE]

    We can only respond to what is in the post.  Where  in the original post do you see anything that says this is more than just OP and her FI disapproving of her mother's taste in MOB dresses?
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    She's a grown woman...let her wear what she wants.

    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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  • NatandIsaacNatandIsaac
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:de8a4b21-41ac-4e68-97cc-604bdeccca97">Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel the OP's pain and have to say that I disagree with the PP's. I had a worse dilema with my mother and her dress. My mother has no clue about social appropriatness sometimes, and for my wedding, instead of acting as a typical MOB, she just wants no part of things, but instead of directly telling me this, she just says she just acts wishy washy. Fine, I get it, just let my brother escort you down the aisle to your seat, appear in the pictures, and you can just sit tucked away in lala land for the rest of the wedding like you want. But she had to get purposefully difficult and innappropriate with the dress situation, so I just bought her one and told her that was what she was wearing. I will say though, as a side note, that whenever anyone has even the slightest dilema with someone in their WP, the other brides will just jump down her throat and accuse her of being selfish, bitchy, etc., regardless of the situation. Just something I've noticed...
    Posted by KermitTheKitty[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Just out of curiosity, what did your mom want to wear to your wedding? On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being she wanted to wear ivory, and 10 being Lady Gaga, how inappropriate are we talking?

    </div>
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:1d934a06-e945-49c4-b9ae-9bef6585b2c5">Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old! : Just out of curiosity, what did your mom want to wear to your wedding? On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being she wanted to wear ivory, and 10 being Lady Gaga, how inappropriate are we talking?
    Posted by NatandIsaac[/QUOTE]
    How awesome would it be if your mom dressed as Lady Gaga at your wedding?  I'd consider that major badassery.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:cd4a3f57-2240-4be3-94b2-b2e978e57bde">Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]What kind of grown woman thinks it's appropriate to tell another grown woman how to dress?  <strong>Furthermore, what kind of daughter thinks she's ever old enough to turn the tables and tell Mom what she will do/wear/etc?</strong> I don't care if I am pushing 30, I wouldn't sit down for a week if I bought a dress and told my mother she had to wear it.  She's an adult.  And your MOTHER.  Let her wear the dress she wants to wear for eff's sake!
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
    The one who wears the [engagement] Ring of Power.  Duh.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:a7d97cfd-4211-4e21-a809-e66b40d44350">Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old! : Um, maybe they didn't make it to the end of the movie?  But abusing its power didn't work out so well for Gollum.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
    Hey, Frodo saw what happened to Smeagol and Sauron and Isildur and Boromir and everyone else who came into contact with it, but when it came time for him to give it up...I just kicked up my nerdiness to 11, didn't I?
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Haha, would you believe me if I told you I guessed by sounding it out phonetically?  Because I truly did!  
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  • kellyb1487kellyb1487
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom wore a BM dress to my wedding b/c all the MOB dresses are made for like grandmothers. My MIL also wore a BM dress. They each choose their own and the colors they would be. They both looked gorgeous. Let it go...
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Some grown women still do not know what is appriproate. Hasn't anyone watched What Not To Wear? lol... I feel the posters pain. She needs to handle it in a nice way though so she doesn't hurt her mom's feelings.
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  • ChanelShadesChanelShades
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Who are you to tell her what to wear? You need to come down off of that high horse and step back into reality. A wedding is, indeed, a party. So a party dress sounds appropriate to me. Neither your FI nor you have the right to tell her what to spend her money on and wear to your wedding. You are overstepping boundaries. It will probably make your mother feel extra beautiful to know that she is "working" that party dress. Let her enjoy her moment. Now if you said she wanted to wear a WEDDING DRESS to your wedding....then I would be worried. 

    No worries. Let it go. All will be fine. 
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  • KermitTheKittyKermitTheKitty member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can't find the dress anymore, but I'd give it about a 9.5 on the horrendous meter. It was orange, skirt was really short, it was a kit type material - really meant to be casual, and it had a horrible multi-colored aztec looking design painted on the front.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If Mom looks like a stripper or a colorblind hippie at the wedding, that's on her.  No one is going to be saying, "Omigosh, how could the bride let her wear that?"  They'll be saying, "Omigosh, what was she thinking?"  It really doesn't involve the bride at all.
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  • KermitTheKittyKermitTheKitty member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, she will have to be in a lot of the professional wedding photos, and I really don't want that to be what I remember when I look over my expensive album, which will be the only tangible memory of my wedding day.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:da079061-3417-4bde-92ee-2c9fa00f0c36">Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, she will have to be in a lot of the professional wedding photos, and I really don't want that to be what I remember when I look over my expensive album, which will be the only tangible memory of my wedding day.
    Posted by KermitTheKitty[/QUOTE]
    Wanna know how many album pictures my mom is in?  Two.  Just kind of worked out that way.  Your memory of the day should be of HOW IT HAPPENED, not of a magazine or film shoot.  And every time someone tries to use how much they're spending on photography as an excuse for micromanaging their nearest and dearest, God kills a kitten.  Truth.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-wear-party-dress-like-16-year-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a7e7062a-fe56-47a7-8ad6-3d43681e6e53Post:da079061-3417-4bde-92ee-2c9fa00f0c36">Re: My Mom wants to wear a party dress like a 16 year old!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, she will have to be in a lot of the professional wedding photos, and I really don't want that to be what I remember when I look over my expensive album, which will be the only tangible memory of my wedding day.
    Posted by KermitTheKitty[/QUOTE]
    You rarely, if ever, look at your wedding photos.  But if you want to live like Miss Havisham and constantly relive the memories of your wedding for the rest of your life, be my guest.  I for one vote to enjoy it but keep it in context.  That's what we did.  Oh yeah and we still don't have our album yet after 18 months--it's coming next month.  200 FB photos have been sufficient for the time being :)
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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