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Wedding Etiquette Forum

I dont want a Father/Daughter dance...

We were going to do a combined Father/Daughter and Mother/Son dance. I only agreed because I didn't want FIs mother to miss out on anything. However, she had a mild stroke about 2 mths ago so who knows if she will even be able to handle the dance.

I just don't want the dance at all. I am not a "little girl." I am 33 & we have 3 children. We've been together for 13 yrs so it's not like my Father isn't already used to the idea of me not being "his little girl." I haven't spoken to him about having the dance so I don't even know if he will care. Part of me thinks he will care since I will be the first of my 3 sisters to wed. But like I said, I really don't want one. Not only do we not have the father/daughter super close relationship, I also don't like people staring at me.
(Not to mention, just 2 weeks ago he told me he wasn't even going to come to the wedding because I wouldn't add my mother's brother's mother in law to the guestlist, so I don't feel particularly fond of my Father at this time. He also has not helped financially or emotionally with ANY of this wedding process.)

How should I approach my Father with this? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but like I said I don't want to do it. I don't want to be fake just to put on a show. I am not a fake person.
Thanks for any suggestions on how to handle this!

(I was going to tell him that we weren't doing it due to FIs mother's health issues & it wouldn't be right to do a F/D dance without a M/S dance.)

Re: I dont want a Father/Daughter dance...

  • edited July 2012
    Don't approach him. Simply don't mention it. If he asks, feign shock... "What?! You expected a dance? I wasn't even sure if you were coming!"
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I definitely agree with daff. I don't see any reason to bring this up with him at all.

    Just don't do one; if Fi and his mom want to do a dance that's totally fine.
    Lizzie
  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    I would just not say anything about it. If he asks, just tell him that you aren't doing dances. It's not like people are required to have them at weddings. We didn't do any dances at ours either.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-dont-want-a-fatherdaughter-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a134898d-5ff2-424b-8794-8fe024934a62Post:59aa07c4-aec7-424e-ad89-fc32ab12dc46">I dont want a Father/Daughter dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE](I was going to tell him that we weren't doing it due to FIs mother's health issues & <strong>it wouldn't be right to do a F/D dance without a M/S dance</strong>.)
    Posted by cvmami78[/QUOTE]

    I'm not sure if this will work, especially because there are plenty of couples who have one or the other and not both. 

    If you do not want something at your wedding, you shouldn't have to have it.  That being said, there are other ways to honor mother and/or father at a wedding without doing a dance.  Some people, as you said, dont like the attention...others dont like to dance.  How about having your parents dance together instead?  Do a "parents of the bride/groom dance", if your FI's father is still around, and they are all willing. 

    If you can't come up with anything at all, I would probably just let your father know.  Mention the fact that you are already uncomfortable with all the attention that day will bring, and having something else like the dance will only make you feel more uncomfortable.  I wouldn't mention anything about him not being supportive, or about the whole mother's brother's mother in law (phew!!   that's a mouthful!)
    Anniversary
  • I didn't have a father/daughter dance, and I never said anything to my dad about it either. It never came up, nor was it an issue.

    If it comes up, you can say you chose to cut it due to FMIL's stroke.
  • I would not bring it up. Not all weddings have them anyway, a friend of mine skipped the mother/son dance b/c both he and his mom were super shy people and it made them uncomfortable.
    image
    Anniversary
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2012
    i would not bring it up to your father, but I wouldn't in a million years take this away from your FMIL if she is up to it.  MOG's get one tiny shining moment with their son's and the dance is it.  Please do not punish her because your dad is being a jerk.
  • Don't bring it up with your dad but if your FMIL is able and wants to do a dance with her son, let them do it. You don't have a F/D dance in order to have a M/S dance. 
    image
  • I'm estranged from my father and have been for 7 years. He won't be at the wedding, so obviously we won't be having a Father/Daughter dance. I'd never dream of asking FI to skip the Mother/Son dance. I don't think it'll be a problem to have one but not the other.
    image
  • It's your call.  You can do whatever you want. I wont be having a father-daughter dance,( my parents are both deceased whereas my fiance's parents are both alive).

     If they want to dance together for a special song that is fine with me.

    You can always have everyone on the floor for a sentimental song like "What A Wonderful World" or something like that.
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