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Moms and Maids

To Invite or Not: MIL 2nd cousins

HI ALL!
So my FMIL is very upset that we (FI and I) did not invite her 2nd cousins to the wedding.  We have invited 403 people so far....FOUR HUNDRED THREE!!!!!  And we are paying for the wedding ourselves.  My FI and I made the decision to not invite 2nd cousins of the PARENTS, especially since we didn't invite our OWN 2nd cousins!  But the FPIL are very upset, and said they want us to send the invites, and IF someone accepts then THEY will pay for them.  But I don't feel like we should invite MORE people...so far we have had 10 people 'decline' and we have 3 more weeks before the last day to RSVP.  
What do I do?  Do we invite them or not?  Do I keep the 'peace' or should I stand by the decision we made?  
HELP!!!!!!

Re: To Invite or Not: MIL 2nd cousins

  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If FMIL will pay for the guests, I don't see a problem.  The only issue is that you've already sent out invitations.  So depending on when you sent them out, 2nd cousins may feel like B list guests that were only invited because you got some declines.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_invite-not-mil-2nd-cousins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb4524f2-7251-406a-b0c8-11d183845160Post:c4a57a5d-3f6a-465e-ade2-f8e0bf1a7ab1">To Invite or Not: MIL 2nd cousins</a>:
    [QUOTE]HI ALL! So my FMIL is very upset that we (FI and I) did not invite her 2nd cousins to the wedding.  We have invited 403 people so far....FOUR HUNDRED THREE!!!!!  And we are paying for the wedding ourselves.  My FI and I made the decision to not invite 2nd cousins of the PARENTS, especially since we didn't invite our OWN 2nd cousins!  But the FPIL are very upset, and said they want us to send the invites, and IF someone accepts then THEY will pay for them.  But I don't feel like we should invite MORE people...so far we have had 10 people 'decline' and we have 3 more weeks before the last day to RSVP.   What do I do?  Do we invite them or not?  Do I keep the 'peace' or should I stand by the decision we made?   HELP!!!!!!
    Posted by SoonToBeATrenda[/QUOTE]

    Holy crap. That is a huge wedding. Your FI needs to put his foot down with his Mom. Please don't add people to the guest list now. They will be b-listers and those are usually always frowned upon around here.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would usually say, let FMIL do it because she'll pay for them but I say stick to your guns. You are paying for 403 people, that is ridiculous that she is throwing a fit over her 2nd cousins. Weddings do NOT equal family reunions, if she wants a party to see these people that she can host a family reunion sometimes. Not, "oh well, I'll pay for them", like the other two PP said, your FI needs to tell his mom no. 
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think you should invite them. Sure, she may be paying for those 10 (or however many second cousins) guests, but she isn't paying for the other 403 so it really isn't fair. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_invite-not-mil-2nd-cousins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb4524f2-7251-406a-b0c8-11d183845160Post:e5258bcc-cfb5-465f-815a-317c566e5341">Re: To Invite or Not: MIL 2nd cousins</a>:
    [QUOTE]"I'm sorry. We cannot accommodate additional guests." Then change the subject, and refuse to discuss it.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    This!!!!!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Your FI should tell her that she's more than welcome to host a family reunion on her own time and her own dime, but it's not happening at your wedding.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_invite-not-mil-2nd-cousins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb4524f2-7251-406a-b0c8-11d183845160Post:e5258bcc-cfb5-465f-815a-317c566e5341">Re: To Invite or Not: MIL 2nd cousins</a>:
    [QUOTE]"I'm sorry. We cannot accommodate additional guests." Then change the subject, and refuse to discuss it.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
      

    This !  Stick to your guns. Right now its wedding guest  but down the road it could get worse.
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  • edited December 2011
    Do you all have the same middle name, bi(ch.

    If the MIL is paying what is the big deal.   Whats 10 more when you are having 400.
    Hope you people have only sons because pay back is a bit(h.  
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you so much for all of your advice ladies!!  I am going to tell my FI to call his Mom and tell her no.  I completely agree that I shouldn't have to tell her.  I will let you all know what she says and how she takes it!  
    Thanks Ladies!  You are all the best!!!
  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_invite-not-mil-2nd-cousins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb4524f2-7251-406a-b0c8-11d183845160Post:e5258bcc-cfb5-465f-815a-317c566e5341">Re: To Invite or Not: MIL 2nd cousins</a>:
    [QUOTE]"I'm sorry. We cannot accommodate additional guests." Then change the subject, and refuse to discuss it.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>I like this idea.</div>
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  • tpender13tpender13 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_invite-not-mil-2nd-cousins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb4524f2-7251-406a-b0c8-11d183845160Post:99ca76bf-ed8b-4d17-93a3-b68bf881ab34">Re: To Invite or Not: MIL 2nd cousins</a>:
    [QUOTE]RIR.....most venues have maximum capacity, and cannot exceed that number. Why would the gender of our children be relevant? Your post is in violation of Knot rules. I suggest you go back and re-read them. Call someone the B word on my board and I'll hit the ban button.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Did I miss something?
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