Connecticut

costs for bridesmaids

I was wondering if anyone else feels awkward about all the costs that are adding up for their wedding party. I only have two bridesmaids, but both are from out of town, so on top of dress and hair, they also have hotel and travel costs. I had planned to give jewelry for gifts. Is it tacky to gift their hair/up-do cost? Or was I supposed to pick that up anyway? Am I worrying for nothing?

Re: costs for bridesmaids

  • Whippet8Whippet8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I think that the pretty general rule is that if you are requiring your BMs to get their hair done professionally, you should pay for it. Also, I've heard a lot of people say that you shouldn't gift anything that is actually for your wedding.

    I think that it's great that you're concerned about your BMs. I would be as flexible as possible with things, and that will probably work best (let them wear shoes they already own, give them the option to do their hair themselves, let them stay with family/friends instead of requiring them to stay at a hotel)...

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  • jmestylejmestyle member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    yeah I think being a BM its understood that you are going to have lots of expenses.
    I'm giving them jewelry as a gift and I also paid the deposit on their hair and makeup. The hair and makeup was an option so they choose to get it done and they knew the price it would be ahead of time.
    I also paid for my niece's flower girl dress as a way to help out with my SIL's costs.
    I know it gets expensive but its part of being a BM, we've all been there right?!
  • Whippet8Whippet8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_costs-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:a0ddb7a3-4213-4715-a89e-5d4394b54657Post:3f6db6a3-f6bf-450d-a903-ea44c29fe70f">Re: costs for bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE] I know it gets expensive but its part of being a BM, we've all been there right?!
    Posted by jmestyle[/QUOTE]

    to an extent, but I'd never want my bridesmaids to secretly resent me for "making" them spend money on things they couldn't afford. "expensive" is relative, which is why it should be discussed before hand. What might seem affordable to the bride planning her wedding, might not be affordable to someone else.

    I'm not accusing or pointing fingers at anyone here, I'm honestly just stating my opinion. I read a lot on the wedding party board, and see a lot of different stories regarding BMs getting upset at Brides because of money.
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  • edited December 2011
    I paid for my BM make-up and gave them the option to have their hair done by my hairstylist.  They didn't have to but all of them chose to so they paid for their own hair. 
  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I gave my girls the option of getting their hair and makeup done with me, but only if they wanted to because I know how expensive it is. 

    The costs definitely add up.. the dress.. the shoes.. hair.. makeup.. bachelorette party.. shower gift.. wedding gift.. hotel accommodations if they're OOT.. maybe even flights. When asked to be a BM you accept it knowing that there will be a lot of costs involved. That said, I've tried to make it as easy as possible on my girls. I didn't want to dictate their shoes, but then I found some really cute shoes at Payless for only $14.99 and told them about them, and all of them went out and bought them since they were so cheap. 

    But ditto pp.. if you're requiring the BM's to have their hair and make up done then you should offer to pay for it, but not as their gift for being your BM. Make sure if  you do this, that you show them thank you in another way too. HTH! 
  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    IMO, really the only thing you should ask them to pay for is the dress.  I've purchased shoes as a BM but would have preferred not to even though I didn't say anything.

    Beyond that, if you want specific hair, make up and jewelry, I think those need to come out of your pocket.

    And unless the BMs say they'd be cool with it as a gift, I'm not a fan of giving any gift that's for use during the wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    I bought mine jewelry and said they could have any hair, makeup, and shoes (if they were gold in color) that they wanted!  I booked a salon for all of us and everyone ended up wanting hair done and none of us got our makeup done because my sister and I are makeup pros:)
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  • Swiftsong8Swiftsong8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I too feel bad about the costs my bridesmaids will incur. I am going to have them do whatever they want with their hair and nails. They can pay to have it done with my but I am NOT demanding it. I picked out floor length dresses that sort of pool at the bottom, so they cud even wear sneakers if they so choose. I also said...ladies (and the groomsmen) DO NOT GET US A WEDDING GIFT! You already have so much to pay for including the showers. I want my friends a part of my wedding and not to go broke because of it.
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  • Jkab0922Jkab0922 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I definitely see where you are coming from! I was very concerned about the cost for the BMs. I think people agree to be a BM without realizing sometimes that there is a cost involved.

    I considered paying for their dresses as my gift to them but I think that may be tacky. Basically, I am just trying to make it as low maintenance as possible. I am not requiring that anyone get their hair or makeup done if they don't want to, and I told them all brown shoes, but nothing specific so they could pick something they would wear again.

    Try not to stress about it too much. The fact that you are conscious of the cost to them shows that you won't let it get out of control!
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  • ggmaeggmae member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My 3 girls spent a lot to be in my wedding and I did feel a bit of guilty about it, so I took care of the deposits for their dresses, hair, and makeup (I didn't require H&M, but they wanted it and I wanted to help out.) I wanted to help out as much as I could. I know that they weren't forced to be in the wedding and that it was their choice to take on those costs, but it was a lot of money and I was very grateful for their involvement.

    I was really flexible. I told them to pick out their dresses (even the colors), that they could wear jewelry and shoes that they already owned, and that they could wear their hair and makeup however they wanted to.

    I'm also not a fan of giving wedding-related things as gifts. I got gifts for my BMs based upon their likes and interests - things that I would have gotten them for their birthdays or for Christmas.

    It's funny though because if/when I am in their weddings one day, I would think that they were being silly for feeling so guilty because I'd understand as a WP member that I'd be spending quite a bit to be in a wedding.
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