Advice please!

Re: Advice please!

• billman2 member

  

  November 2009 edited December 2011

  You and your FI need to decide what will work best for you. 
  
  I can only tell you what we did.   We waited until after all his training to get engaged and then scheduled our wedding for a holiday weekend(4th of julyweekend) a couple months after he returned from his first deployment. We picked the weekend becaus we figured he'd most likely already have a long weekend as would my brothers and friends that are in the military--and thus be more likely to make it home for the wedding.
  
  If you have your heart set on a big wedding, I would prob wait until after MOS school if I were you, by then he might have a better/more specific timeline.
  
  If you do go the route of not doing it at a courthouse, make sure you get a military clause in every contract you sign.
  
  Good Luck!
  

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• kyrgyzstan member

  

  November 2009 edited December 2011

  ITA with the PP. I couldn't have said it better.

  I hate Dave Ramsey

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• jsanders01 member

  

  November 2009 edited December 2011

  I know this must be a really hard time for you. My Fiance Is a Marine and just cam home a few days ago, and proposed then  

  But We had talked about getting married before deployment and having a party/reception when he came home.

  My good friend had a secret wedding before her husband went to Iraq bc of the benefits the military provides for them. No one knows about them being married except a few close friends. 

   hope this helps a little 

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• kyrgyzstan member

  

  November 2009 edited December 2011

  If you got married in secret, everyone in his unit will know. And lying to one's family and friends never turns out well, trust me. If you decide to JOP OP, do not lie about it to everyone. If you decide to JOP, own it and be proud of it. Have a VR if you choose, but if you lie, people will feel duped, and you'll be resented.
  
  Besides, if you're doing it "for the benefits", unless your family is super dense, they'll figure it out too.
  

  I hate Dave Ramsey

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• kaynix21 member

  

  November 2009 edited December 2011

  Congrats to you both on the engagement and OCS!
  
  It is hard to plan a wedding when the military is involved. We're getting lucky because FI is still in school post completing OCS so it's working (fingers crossed).
  
  But like Billman said, you do need to decide what is best for you and FI. If you guys really want a wedding with a big white dress and a hundred people there, or you just want to be married without the hassel of planning, or something somewhere in between.
  
  But it is realy what the both of you want. If you do decided to plan and wedding and not go the JOP route, just remember that it will be stressful and diffcult but if that's what you guys want, know it's worth it.
  
  Always keep in mind with the military: try to be flexible!! Plans always change!

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• angelsmile member

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  HI.  DH went through that, and finished SWO school a few years ago as well.  When he left OCS, he went directly to SWO school (which wasn't in the same place then).  After he got his pin, he was stationed on a ship.  It's been awhile, so let me think...
  He did deploy after only a couple of months, but that was back when Sept 11 happened (Oh, God, it really has been that long!)  Whether he deploys immediately will depend on which ship he is attached to.  If they just returned from deployment, he will not be going right away.
  
  Be prepared for anything, but in our experience, we've been married 5 years and we are just coming up on our FIRST deployment.  Obviously, needs of the Navy change things, but ships are on about a 2 year cycle.  Deploy 6 ish months, return and possibly go into the yards/drydock and do training and random things for about 12 months, then somewhere between 3-6 months before they deploy again they will do workups (which you will not love).  They go out and come in and go out and come in a lot.  We have done 3 workup sessions now but have transferred before deployments.  They go out for like a week, back a couple of days, out for 3 weeks, back a week, out for a day, back 2 weeks.  You cannot get into any rhythm and it's reallyfrustrating.
  
  The courthouse JOP only you can decide.  But make sure it is a decision you are comfortable with and not rushing to make.

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• Kemccann

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  Thank you ladies for all your advice and thoughts.. It really means a lot!!  I'm new to this and none of my friends/family really understand so it's awesome getting advice from people who do!!  it's so  hard not talking  to your best friend/FI for long periods of time.. espeically during a huge change in his life.. but it's all good- it's all worth the pain he's amazing!
  

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• kaynix21 member

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  Kemccann I totally understand, and as I'm sure everyone else here does, how hard it is to not talk to him.
  
  When FI was in bootcamp, and OCS too actually, I wrote him a letter every single day. No joke.
  
  It didn't fix how much I missed him, but it made it easier because through writing to him, I was still telling him everything I needed and wanted to to tell him.
  
  Even if I had just a minute to write him, I'd still tell him hello, how much I loved him, and probably something about my day. I'd hold on to that letter, and add to it the next day, if it was super short and wasn't worth sending with just three our four sentences on it.
  
  But just getting everything out and writing him I think made it easier on me to handle him being gone.

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