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Etiquette

How should I word a reception invite?

My fiance and I are having a wedding out of state and my family fully understands why and agrees with it. It is important to me, as well as my parents that we do a reception so that my father and I can still have our dance and some of the reception rituals. We have reserved a bar, where the option to drink will be avaliable, and at 9, the bar will open to  the public for a show that we booked. What is the best way to word an invite, sharing that we have eloped but would still really like the presence of everyone to share our excitement? and do I need to let them know that at 9:00 a live rock band will take stage and the bar will be open to all patrons, not just family and close friends?

Re: How should I word a reception invite?

  • The only thing I personally care about at the reception is the father/daughter dance. It's important to my family I wear my dress, but really everything else is just kind of up in the air right now. What rituals should I avoid? I didn't plan on doing either toss, but we want to have pies *were doing that instead of cake, we're far from traditional.*

    I appreciate all help! I'm pretty lost...
  • I should clarify a lot, I guess..

    My fiance is very well known in our home town. Our guest list would be a mile long, and I really don't want to plan a wedding, let alone a big one. My family is in agreement with it, only because I agreed that we wanted to celebrate with friends and family at a later date. It's not very uncommon to do it this way in our town, in fact we're the third wedding doing it this way.

    The bar we are holding it at is owned by two close friends of ours, they agreed to close down the bar up until 9 pm so that we can have a private event so that our family would be able to come and celebrate with us without a bunch of random people interrupting. We will be opening the doors to the public at 9, so that anyone who wants to see said band can, and so that our dear friends can still make some money on a saturday night. Also, because my fiance and I would like to let loose as well!

    The bar will be open through the whole day, however it will not be an OPEN bar, as tbh, we can't afford it. It's more of a get together/party with a few traditions that are important to me and my parents thrown in.

    I'm trying to keep it as stress free as possible.
  • I should also state again, we are EXTREMELY untraditional when it comes to most things, that doesn't stop with our wedding.
  • I so VERY much appreciate that, that actually helps A LOT. I didnt' even think of a slide show! You have just helped more then you know!
  • LoredLored member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thanks for clarifying. I know it's side-eyed on here to do a ceremony (which is your actual wedding day) and then a Pretty Princess Day at a later time. I tend to agree that you should just choose one. I absolutely wanted to elope, but because my FI and our families wanted the whole traditional thing, we are going that route. But I wouldn't personally do both. That being said, it's your decision. If you are just having a party to celebrate and not re-enacting the ceremony, I think that's cool. But I have to say, I HATE cash bar.
  • I would try to figure out a way to at least host *something* at the bar for your guests. Even if it's just beer and wine.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
  • I definitely don't want to re enact the ceremony. I just want to spend time with my family to celebrate our families being brought together! :)

    We also have a lot of people that even if they didn't recieve an invite would show up to the wedding anyway, which is why we can't do just a private ceremony prior to the reception. It's really hard to convey everything through text. It's a lot to explain. Haha!

    I'm not sure if the owners will do something special for us prior to opening the doors at 9, I will need to sit down and discuss that with them for sure.
  • beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    I'm not trying to be rude here...but I don't understand having the "reception" in a bar if you're not hosting the bar. Guests should NEVER have to pay for anything at a wedding (or party in celebration of a wedding) and having a party in a BAR when you can't host the bar sounds pretty...I don't know the word...tasteless to me. 

    I would seriously reconsider having this party in the bar and having it somewhere where you can host beer and wine (or nothing at all - have a dry party) without other alcohol being so obvious. Or re-budget and figure our how to host the bar.

    Again, not to be a downer or an ass, but I'm not a fan of wearing the dress post-wedding. Personally, I'd feel pretty silly wearing a wedding dress when I'm already married and it just doesn't seem appropriate.

    But if you can figure out how to host the bar, sounds like a great party!

    Edited because I can't spell.
  • We're having it there because it's owned by two very dear friends and because it's the first place him and I spent time together. It has sentimintal value.

    I'm not going to tell my guests they CAN'T drink, i'm leaving that up to them. And I'm sure our friends will be doing something special. I am not worried about that at all, TBH.

    All I need to know is how I should word a reception only invite. But I have got that figured out.

    I'd be fine without wearing my wedding dress, that was a request from multiple family members. :)
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2013
    So you're just asking your friends and family to meet you at a bar and not hosting anything? If you're not hosting anything, then there's no need for an invitation. I mean, your friends aren't even closing the bar if people have to buy drinks.
  • LoredLored member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-should-i-word-a-reception-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f2fc88e-73a4-4a66-840e-33b346943a62Post:4f2677a2-0f05-4f47-972b-adc5be51b0b7">Re: How should I word a reception invite?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We're having it there because it's owned by two very dear friends and because it's the first place him and I spent time together. It has sentimintal value. I'm not going to tell my guests they CAN'T drink, i'm leaving that up to them. And I'm sure our friends will be doing something special. I am not worried about that at all, TBH. All I need to know is how I should word a reception only invite. But I have got that figured out. I'd be fine without wearing my wedding dress, that was a request from multiple family members. :)
    Posted by Wilsonpartyof2[/QUOTE]



    Really not trying to give you a hard time, just curious what "something special" you think your bar owning friends will do for you. Please tell me you're not hoping they'll just "open the bar" for your reception as a gift.

    Everyone is on a budget. However, if you can't afford this party, simply don't have it. Or cut your guest list. Or revamp your budget to save enough. Just don't invite me to your "wedding" and ask me to pay for a glass of Chardonnay.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Leaving aside the tackiness of hosting an event at a bar yet not actually paying for the bar, what ARE you hosting for your guests?



  • I think you guys are missing what I"m trying to say.

    I haven't had a chance to sit down and discuss anything with my friends yet. So I don't know what we're doing. But that's why I said i'm not too worried about it.

    However, I would NEVER expect anyone to do such a thing as open the bar to my patrons for free, that's horrible.

    Neither of our families really drink, the people who do will be coming when the bar opens to the public and NO at that time i'm not paying for an open bar.

    For people who aren't trying to "sounds like an ass or give me a hard time" the choosing of words that some people are choosing, and the way it is being portrayed through text isn't very polite. So, since I feel I recieved the answer needed I will no longer be checking back or responding, and you guys can keep your rude "advice" to yourself. It seems people are forgetting this is MY wedding, not theirs.

  • beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-should-i-word-a-reception-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f2fc88e-73a4-4a66-840e-33b346943a62Post:1d34b97f-407b-471f-9edd-edba41b042a7">Re: How should I word a reception invite?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you guys are missing what I"m trying to say. I haven't had a chance to sit down and discuss anything with my friends yet. So I don't know what we're doing. But that's why I said i'm not too worried about it. However, I would NEVER expect anyone to do such a thing as open the bar to my patrons for free, that's horrible. Neither of our families really drink, the people who do will be coming when the bar opens to the public and NO at that time i'm not paying for an open bar. For people who aren't trying to "sounds like an ass or give me a hard time" the choosing of words that some people are choosing, and the way it is being portrayed through text isn't very polite. So, since I feel I recieved the answer needed I will no longer be checking back or responding, and you guys can keep your rude "advice" to yourself. It seems people are forgetting this is MY wedding, not theirs.
    Posted by Wilsonpartyof2[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>We should really be keeping a tally of how may of these posts we've gotten over the past two weeks.</div><div>
    </div><div>We're all trying to nicely tell you that having a cash bar is rude. And having a cash bar IN A BAR is even more obviously rude. You, yourself, are probably not rude. Nobody hates you. Nobody is trying to pick on you just for funsies. We're trying to help you be a good host.</div><div>
    </div><div>And it stops being YOUR "wedding" when you invite other people. With an attitude like this, you should probably skip this "reception" altogether because it's not about you - it's about being a good host to your guests.</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: When you ask for advice on an ETIQUETTE board, we're going to let you know what the correct etiquette is. And asking guests to pay for anything is poor etiquette. 

    </div>
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    So in other words you're not hosting anything?  YOUR wedding does not in any way allow you to be rude to your guests.  If you are not willing to treat your guests well, then you shouldn't have any at all.  Once you invite other people, their comfort becomes your top concern. 



  • You shouldn't.  If you aren't paying for your guests drinks until 9pm, and aren't in fact providing them with anything other than an opportunity to see you, then you shouldn't invite them at all.  I'm not sure why this concept continues to be so difficult- in exchange for them celebrating you, you offer hospitality.

  • Suppose I invite you and your FI to my house for dinner. Then when you arrive, I tell you that the steaks I'm going to grill will cost you each $15, the potatoes I'm going to bake are an extra $5 each, and the salad is $3 each. Plus, I'm going to charge you for any drinks, but of course, water is free.

    You'd be cool with that? Because that's exactly what you're doing to your guests.

  • I get what you're trying to do. I would talk to your friends that own the bar and see if from 7-9 you could offer your guests draugh beer, and two specialty drinks (made w/ house liquor), and you and your DH should cover the cost for that. And a few nibbles, which you could probably bring from home since your friends own the place.

    RE: wording, I'd do: " the pleasure of your company is requested at a reception to celebrate the recent marriage if Bride and Groom. Please join us at 7 pm. and Joe's Bar.. We hope eveyrone can stay for the 9p.m. Pink Floyd show."

  • But.... you're already married.... I'm sure everyone will be deliriously excited to be invited to a bar and told to open their wallets for your notwedding. Bonus points if everyone ponies up to buy you shots right? Klassy. Sounds like something a frat house planned.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

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