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July 2011 Weddings

Black tie?

I have seen wedding invitations where the type of dress expected is somehow on the invite. It says "black tie preferred" or whatever. Is anyone doing this? how are you getting across the formality of your wedding besides just the formality of the invitation. (i say that because half my family won't even think to look at the invitation as a clue to the formality and how to dress). Are you putting it on the invitation? on your website? word of mouth? hoping people just get it? I'm not sure what to do with this but you ladies always know!

TIA

Re: Black tie?

  • How stressed are you about how your guests dress?  I mean, I am hoping people don't pick their jeans with holes in them.  And, in reality, I think most of my guests will dress nicely as it is a wedding and that indicates that you should look your best.  But, I don't really care what length of dress my guests choose or if men have a tie on.  If it is important to you, then I would mention it.  If not, I think most of your guests will show respect and look appropriate, unless you are wanting a specific look.
  • I'm not being upber picky but my family also has a tendency to not dress nicely to anything. like anything. with the exception of a few. I can seriously see my sister showing up in some super untastelful outfit that you would wear to a club. or her husband wearing jeans and a tshirt, or my uncle wearing blue jeans and a plaid shirt or whatever. my family doesn't understand how to look appropriate. I was just seeing if someone had ideas of how they were going to address this if they felt they needed to. I'm not trying to sound like a snob but seriously my sister wore a black mini dress to our grandmother's funeral. it was nasty
  • You didn't come off like a snob at all!  And, I have a sister like that!!! So, I totally understand.  I would try word of mouth or discussing it with family in a gentle way or casual way.  And, your siblings or close family, you might even be able to like make it a special time to pick out their outfit for the wedding or something.  And, once you have put it on the invite and used word of mouth, you have to let it go.  There probably will be at least one person that doesn't dress like you would have preferred, but it won't make your day any less wonderful.
  • hckaczynhckaczyn member
    500 Comments
    edited September 2010
    I think, just from reading the Etiquette board a lot, that the only time it's "acceptable" to put dress code on the invitation is when it's black-tie. Otherwise I'd put dress-code related stuff on the website.

    We're not having a formal wedding, but my aunts don't like to dress up - they were planning to wear capri pants apparently (khaki, but still..) We just put on our website that Alabama in the summer is hot, so dress for the weather. I'm going to hope/assume people don't show up in jeans or minidresses, but if they do, I don't think I'm going to let it get to me.
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  • lol unless i get to wear my jammie pants too!
  • I think Kashiitan makes an excellent point!!  And, I don't ever care much for what the etiquette board says.  I don't think they always live in the real world!  I think semi-formal would sound just fine, and I wouldn't think it was tacky to include on your invite.
  • edited September 2010
    Emily Post says You shouldn't put that on your invitation.  You cannot direct your guests what to wear.

    Your style of invitation should give the idea about what guests should wear.  (Very formal invitation - formal dress.)

    (If you want to follow old ettiquette.  I like it - but thats me  I like ettiquette because its a method of making everyone comfortable.)

    Now - there is a spot for that on the knot website.  I wonder what she would think about that?

    Oh, and some of the girls on the ettiquette board are mean and don't follow ettiquette when they pummel people with their made up ettiquette.  Some actually quote Emily Post like I do, but they are mean about it.
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  • etiquette also expects people will know how to dress based on the invitation which in the modern day world isn't always true lol.  At least in my family, people don't get it. at all. my family have that sense of entitlement. lol
  • My mom likes to channel Miss Manners who would say its rude to put anything but "black tie" on an invitiation.  I happen to agree. If you are worried about a few people, don't put it on everyone's invitation.  Cause to me and most people the word "wedding" =semi formal clothing.

    If its family spread the word verbally.  And if its a few fam members like the sister, offer to go shopping with her and help her pick out an outfit. 

    Another thing you could allso do is go into a little bit of detail about your wedding style on your website and have a link to your venue so they can see pics.  Location is a major factor in determining formality.  If people can see your venue it will also clue them in on how to dress. Just a thought.


  • Yeah.. My family wouldn't take the hint of what to wear by how formal the invite it is.. I will probably write "semi-formal attire preferred" but also definitely have mom and fmil spread word of mouth as well..

    006

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_black-tie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:647Discussion:58a85260-706a-484c-b876-bff3adccc497Post:88e90b0c-cc06-4b75-ae56-b067e79d2926">Re: Black tie?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah.. My family wouldn't take the hint of what to wear by how formal the invite it is.. I will probably write "semi-formal attire preferred" but also definitely have mom and fmil spread word of mouth as well..
    Posted by omgitscasey[/QUOTE]

    Exactly!!!  We aren't talking about what should make sense.  We are talking about how to actually get your point across so that people understand what you are hoping for.  I think adding preferred would be nice, for those that think you are telling guests what to do.  You are just giving a suggestion.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_black-tie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:58a85260-706a-484c-b876-bff3adccc497Post:e020277e-2091-40e6-a194-47a2efbfea0f">Re: Black tie?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Black tie? : Exactly!!!  We aren't talking about what should make sense.  We are talking about how to actually get your point across so that people understand what you are hoping for.  I think adding preferred would be nice, for those that think you are telling guests what to do.  You are just giving a suggestion.
    Posted by fam6[/QUOTE]

    exactly! if I was wanting specific etiquette, I'd have my answer lol. but being that my family needs some direction, i was just looking for a way to put it. I think putting preferred is a little more gentle, as you said lol.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_black-tie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:58a85260-706a-484c-b876-bff3adccc497Post:9d1f22a5-b06e-410a-be77-bf0af7ae452d">Re: Black tie?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am going to have my mom spread the word through her gossip grape vine. Word spreads really fast though my family and I know<strong> the aunts will do a good job telling everyone</strong> that it will be a formal event. People in my family tend to bring jeans to change into, but I want people to get the hint that jeans are a no no.
    Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]

    Haha I pictured my parade of maternal aunts as I read this - mine get the word out quickly, too, especially if there's a family scandal!  Haha.
  • We will not have any reference to attire on the invitation.  Family and friends will know that a 5:30p.m. ceremony calls for nice attire -- ladies will be in nice dresses or dressy suits, gents will be in suits and ties.  And although FI, my best man (my son) and his best man will wear tuxes, we don't expect any other men to be dressed in black tie.  But ... I have a couple of friends who may show up in tuxes, we'll see.

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