Guests Not RSVPing to Bridal Shower

er225mm · July 2012

I am a Bridesmaid in my sister's wedding and am in charge of the invitations for her bridal shower. There were many guests that did not respond by the RSVP date, so I emailed them to see if they were able to make it. There are still 2 guests who haven't responded.

Should I reach out to them again? The shower is this Saturday. IMO, an invitation and a follow-up email is sufficient, but I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.

adamar15 · July 2012

I would call them before you assume they're not coming.

midgetthemighty · July 2012

Did you ask that they get back to you by a certain date or they would be considered "nos"? If it were me though, I wouldn't worry about contacting them because it's only 2 more people and shouldn't make or break the shower if they show up without an RSVP.

er225mm · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-not-rsvping-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:09b6a215-b5cc-41d2-a9de-0fa9b5f1c19aPost:78b8af60-234f-4d59-bba8-ef1d48be8fb6">Re: Guests Not RSVPing to Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you ask that they get back to you by a certain date or they would be considered "nos"? If it were me though, I wouldn't worry about contacting them because it's only 2 more people and shouldn't make or break the shower if they show up without an RSVP.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

I didn't specify a certain date in the email, because the actual RSVP date had already passed. That would have been a good idea though!

Ali092011 · July 2012

I wouldn't worry about it. Just make sure you have enough extra seats and food that if they do show up, they'll fit in. Many people consider showers to be much more casual events, and they don't see an RSVP as absolutely necessary. (Not to say you're wrong in being a bit annoyed--if you asked for an RSVP, they should grant your request whether they think it's necessary or not.)

kmmssg · July 2012

Call them. This is when you need to let electronics go and get on the phone. I am surprised at some of the things that end up in my spam box that were legitimate emails and I don't look there very often. Give them a call. Bad on them for not RSVPing.

katehar01 · July 2012

I would call them. Almost no one RSVPed for my shower, and when my Mom called, many of them were actually coming. I don't know why people struggle so much with RSVPing. Yes, they should have responded to your email, but maybe they didn't get it...I'd either get in touch with them or just plan for them to be there, to be safe.

clnyu · July 2012

I have the same issue for my shower next week (I'm very looped in, haha)... one of my friends ignored the RSVP date and the follow-up. I think it is out-and-out rude. My mother is having the shower at a tea room that requires a headcount - this was made clear on the invitation. I don't think it's fair that my mother would have to pay for a plate "just in case" and then have the girl not show.

To that end..... I am now questioning whether or not I want to invite this girl to my wedding at all. If she couldn't come to the shower (or didn't want to), no big deal. But to blow off the shower, to me, shows a lack of consideration and interest in the wedding. I have a very small guest list (80 people) and there are friends I am not inviting that I wish I could... so this is a very sensitive issue to me. What would you ladies do???

adamar15 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-not-rsvping-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:09b6a215-b5cc-41d2-a9de-0fa9b5f1c19aPost:68fe8d88-48d9-4c17-bd17-6dcc70addc12">Re: Guests Not RSVPing to Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I have the same issue for my shower next week (I'm very looped in, haha)... one of my friends ignored the RSVP date and the follow-up. I think it is out-and-out rude. My mother is having the shower at a tea room that requires a headcount - this was made clear on the invitation. I don't think it's fair that my mother would have to pay for a plate "just in case" and then have the girl not show. To that end..... I am now questioning whether or not I want to invite this girl to my wedding at all. If she couldn't come to the shower (or didn't want to), no big deal. But to blow off the shower, to me, shows a lack of consideration and interest in the wedding. I have a very small guest list (80 people) and there are friends I am not inviting that I wish I could... so this is a very sensitive issue to me. What would you ladies do???
Posted by clnyu[/QUOTE]

You've invited her to the shower, so it would be really rude not to invite her to the wedding. Two rudes don't make a right.

pkontk · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-not-rsvping-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09b6a215-b5cc-41d2-a9de-0fa9b5f1c19aPost:68fe8d88-48d9-4c17-bd17-6dcc70addc12">Re: Guests Not RSVPing to Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I have the same issue for my shower next week (I'm very looped in, haha)... one of my friends ignored the RSVP date and the follow-up. I think it is out-and-out rude. My mother is having the shower at a tea room that requires a headcount - this was made clear on the invitation. I don't think it's fair that my mother would have to pay for a plate "just in case" and then have the girl not show. To that end..... I am now questioning whether or not I want to invite this girl to my wedding at all. If she couldn't come to the shower (or didn't want to), no big deal. But to blow off the shower, to me, shows a lack of consideration and interest in the wedding. I have a very small guest list (80 people) and there are friends I am not inviting that I wish I could... so this is a very sensitive issue to me. What would you ladies do???
Posted by clnyu[/QUOTE]

I would still invite her to the wedding, like adamar said. To not do so would be very rude.

midgetthemighty · July 2012

clnyu, I would invite her because regardless of whether or not she comes to the shower, she was still invited and all people invited to any pre-wedding event must be invited to the wedding. Are you certain something else isn't going on in her life that makes RSVPing to your shower take a back seat?

EK2013 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-not-rsvping-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09b6a215-b5cc-41d2-a9de-0fa9b5f1c19aPost:68fe8d88-48d9-4c17-bd17-6dcc70addc12">Re: Guests Not RSVPing to Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I have the same issue for my shower next week (I'm very looped in, haha)... one of my friends ignored the RSVP date and the follow-up. I think it is out-and-out rude. My mother is having the shower at a tea room that requires a headcount - this was made clear on the invitation. I don't think it's fair that my mother would have to pay for a plate "just in case" and then have the girl not show. To that end..... I am now questioning whether or not I want to invite this girl to my wedding at all. If she couldn't come to the shower (or didn't want to), no big deal. <strong> But to blow off the shower, to me, shows a lack of consideration and interest in the wedding.</strong> I have a very small guest list (80 people) and there are friends I am not inviting that I wish I could... so this is a very sensitive issue to me. What would you ladies do???
Posted by clnyu[/QUOTE]

<div>Invite your friend to your wedding. That is what etiquette and friendship call for. If you uninvite her at this point (and an invitation to the shower should mean an invitation to the wedding whether formal invitations are out yet or not) you stand a good chance of ending the friendship.</div><div>
</div><div>Are you calling your friend? Has anyone heard from her? If anyone has a way of getting a message to her, you can say, "We need to hear by the 27th (or whenever), or we'll assume you're not coming."</div>

clnyu · July 2012

In the end, I know I will invite her... I'm just hurt. I would never ask of someone what I wouldn't do myself - and I would never, ever just ignore a friend's shower. I have gone solo to a wedding where I didn't know a soul other than the bride, and was seated by myself at a table full of couples. Not fun... but it wasn't about my good time, was it? It was about the bride, and I wanted to be there for her.

I haven't been communicating with the girls invited to my shower, I've left that up to my mother and MOH. She has received 4 communications about the shower, with an explanation of when we needed the headcount by and why it was a firm deadline. She has not acknowledged any of it.

midgetthemighty · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-not-rsvping-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:09b6a215-b5cc-41d2-a9de-0fa9b5f1c19aPost:e053c120-233c-4cd5-9f3d-0eebc8e012a4">Re: Guests Not RSVPing to Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]In the end, I know I will invite her... I'm just hurt. I would never ask of someone what I wouldn't do myself - and I would never, ever just ignore a friend's shower. I have gone solo to a wedding where I didn't know a soul other than the bride, and was seated by myself at a table full of couples. Not fun... but it wasn't about my good time, was it? It was about the bride, and I wanted to be there for her. I haven't been communicating with the girls invited to my shower, I've left that up to my mother and MOH. She has received 4 communications about the shower, with an explanation of when we needed the headcount by and why it was a firm deadline. She has not acknowledged any of it.
Posted by clnyu[/QUOTE]

I understand being hurt, I really do, but this person is your friend so I would contact her whatever way works best for the two of you about her life. Nothing more. Like I said before, something could be taking precedence over RSVPing to your shower. Examples - family member in the hospital, being busy, stressed out, etc.

clnyu · July 2012

Ok, you all got me thinking... and the hurt feelings are only going to get worse if I don't nip it. I don't think I should have to chase anyone down to RSVP, but I sent my friend (let's call her Jill) an email... I wouldn't be able to call her until tomorrow night and don't want to wait that long. I basically said that I know she hasn't RSVP'd yet and I'd understand if she can't make it, but I'd love to see her there if she can.

Jill, myself and our mutual friend were always doing our NYC single girl thing together. Then I met my fiance 2 years ago... at first Jill was totally fine and nothing seemed different. Then our mutual friend met her boyfriend last fall, and after that she became more distant. Jill blatantly ignores most any invite these days, and after awhile it becomes very hurtful. But I feel like a happy hour invite is way different than a bridal shower invite, and I deserved a response.

I know Jill feels, to some degree, that she's being left behind. I TOTALLY get it. I've been there, and it's cruddy. But at a certain point you have to put that aside and just be happy for your friend. I've been there too.

ncharleyrose · July 2012

I would start calling people too-- this happened to me a few months ago whe I was hosting a bridal shower, I think I only got 3 RSVPS back from a guest list of 26. I dont know why people find it so hard to rsvp. What really made me mad is a few people that I talked to and said that they were not coming showed up anyway and had the nerve to complain that they didnt think there was enough food! Even though there was a lot of food left over at the end of the shower. Some people are just never happy I guess.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I just hosted my sister's bridal shower on Sunday. Almost half the guests didn't RSVP. Both my sister and I made phone calls to get everyone's responses. Turns out people were planning on coming but apparently didn't know they had to RSVP, even though I put that on the invitation. The day of I checked my mail and found one of the invitations returned from the post office and a guest RSVPed that same day. Annoying? Yes. But everything worked out, there was plenty of food and everyone had a good time.

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