HUGE DILEMMA!!! NEED SOME HELP!!!

gdsvr2 · June 2010

I have asked one of my girls to be my MOH. I spoke to her the other day and asked her to come with me to a bridal shop to just check it out and see if thats somewhere we want to go to get the dresses. She told me that theres not really a need to go look at places now since the wedding isnt until next year. I want to shop around now so I wont have to stress closer to the date. I like to get things done ahead of time plus I understand that it takes around 3 mos for the dresses to be delivered plus make alterations close to the date if needed. I want to give myself room for error if necessary. The actual measurements wont take place until early september. She is 4 1/2 mos pregnant and I think that I may have made a mistake with making her my MOH because that is a big responsibility and I know she is not going to want to do any running around with or without me especially as she gets further along in her pregnancy. Not to mention that she wont be able to do too much right after the baby either. One of my other bridesmaids is willing to go anywhere with me and went with me to check out one of the bridal shops and we got a lot of great feedback and prices from them.
How do I go about changing MOH's??? I just feel that I would be putting too much responsibility on my current MOH considering that she has a baby on the way. I understand because I have 3 myself. I need to know if it would be wrong ethically to switch positions for MOH....

jagore08 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_california-los-angeles_huge-dilemma-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:68Discussion:b2af51b3-1b8f-4518-85d4-c7a23aca42c6Post:ef5293f7-c578-458c-8abc-91d41c1087a7">HUGE DILEMMA!!! NEED SOME HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have asked one of my girls to be my MOH. I spoke to her the other day and asked her to come with me to a bridal shop to just check it out and see if thats somewhere we want to go to get the dresses. She told me that theres not really a need to go look at places now since the wedding isnt until next year. I want to shop around now so I wont have to stress closer to the date. I like to get things done ahead of time plus I understand that it takes around 3 mos for the dresses to be delivered plus make alterations close to the date if needed. I want to give myself room for error if necessary. The actual measurements wont take place until early september. She is 4 1/2 mos pregnant and I think that I may have made a mistake with making her my MOH because that is a big responsibility and I know she is not going to want to do any running around with or without me especially as she gets further along in her pregnancy. Not to mention that she wont be able to do too much right after the baby either. One of my other bridesmaids is willing to go anywhere with me and went with me to check out one of the bridal shops and we got a lot of great feedback and prices from them. How do I go about changing MOH's??? I just feel that I would be putting too much responsibility on my current MOH considering that she has a baby on the way. I understand because I have 3 myself. I need to know if it would be wrong ethically to switch positions for MOH....
Posted by gdsvr2[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>A few things:</div><div>
</div><div>1. Were you looking at dresses for you or your BM? If it's for you then you're right on time for looking and purchasing a dress. If it's for your BM then they have at least 6 months before they start worrying about it. If I were 4 months pregnant, I wouldn't want to look at dresses either (especially since your wedding is just over a year away)!</div><div>
</div><div>2. Your BMs are not required to help you with any of the planning of <em>your wedding</em>. That's for you and your FI. If they offer to help then that's fantastic but it's not a requirement of your MOH or BM. When you picked your BP, did you pick you MOH because she's the nearest and dearest to you? That's the way you're supposed to pick your BP, not who can do what for you. They're not your workhorses. </div><div>
</div><div>3. Leave your BM a BM and your MOH your MOH. It would be very rude to switch their titles and you run the risk of offending and possibly ruining a friendship.</div><div>
</div><div>4. Your MOH is pregnant and will be having her baby before the wedding. If she can't make it to some activities or anything else wedding related (besides the actual wedding, of course), don't hold it against her. You know how much time and energy kids take from you, you have 3. Be happy for her and leave it at that.</div><div>
</div><div>5. If you want to do something special for your BM who is <em>offering</em> (that's the key word) to help you with any wedding related stuff, get her a little gift that's separate from her BM gift. It's a nice way to let her know that you appreciate her help without demoting another WP member.</div>

CurlyGirlyGirl · June 2010

IMO, you don't.

Have you asked this question on the Bridal party board?

jagore08 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_california-los-angeles_huge-dilemma-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:68Discussion:b2af51b3-1b8f-4518-85d4-c7a23aca42c6Post:27b3b799-81a9-4ec6-9ee0-0353f4df9ecf">Re: HUGE DILEMMA!!! NEED SOME HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you asked this question on the Bridal party board?
Posted by CurlyGirlyGirl[/QUOTE]

<div>I think that was someone else.</div>

girliegirlral · June 2010

It's your wedding, run your own errands. Sorry if that was harsh...

Vans18 · June 2010

I totally agree with Jagore, you should'nt feel like your BM and MOH should help you on any of the wedding stuff and you should NOT demote her from her MOH title...that would be rude and most likely make her feel bad and this can ruin the friendship. You should leave things as they are...go shopping for your dress with your mom or sister if you have one. I only went with my mom and sister. GL and HTH.

imlovingit · June 2010

I didn't want to read what the others posted so I can give you my 100% take on this. I know wedding planning is stressful, I was there. I hope thas is why you are taking that attirtude and you are not this type of person outside of the wedding.

You should choose your MOH because she is your closest girlfriend. She is the one you want standing next to you the day you say I do to the love of your life. You do not choose a MOH based on how much help she can be. She does not have to really be your maid you know.

Personally if you would make me the MOH and then switch me for someone else who can do more things for you or with you I would say to hell with you! This is your wedding and just because you choose a select amount of friends it does not mean they are supposed to help yo with the wedding. That is for you and your fiance to handle not you, your fiance and your bridesmaids.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I agree with jagore... I have a slightly similar problem though I haven't formally asked any of my bridesmaids to be MOH (just got engaged 6 weeks ago)

I would love to have my sister be MOH, and she would love to help, but she's from out of town and has two young kids. My best friend has offered to help me look at dresses. Although I'll probably have my sister be MOH since she's nearest and dearest, I'm really like the idea of treating my BF to something special for her help, and I think also treating her our to lunch/dinner during our excursions is also nice.

HUGE DILEMMA!!! NEED SOME HELP!!!

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