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Daughter not invited - feelings hurt

purplebear17purplebear17
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Let me get the usual bits out of the way:

1. Yes, I know the B&G have every right to exclude children
2. No, I don't blame them for having the wedding they want
3. I wouldn't dare nag or confront them about anything - no way.

I just want to vent a little about a wedding coming up that's bringing me down a little.

Me, DH, and my 3 yo daughter are flying to his hometown for a wedding in June. I am in the bridal party. Plane tickets are $400 a piece, so $1200 total. We are bringing daughter because his family lives in town and wants to see her, of course.

The bride never said anything about "no children" to me, and I think a heads up would have been polite, especially for someone who is traveling so far. I had assumed she was not invited and already made arrangements with family, but I am hurt that the bride didn't come out and be honest with me. I got the invite yesterday with just me and DH's names. Everything I've read says not to ask, don't put the couple in an awkward spot, so I didn't. Bride has been in constant contact about demands from us for her bachelorette, shower, rehearsal, etc but couldn't manage to give me a courtesy "hey, we're not having kids at the wedding, just to let you know"? We're all flying cross country to be there, I spent $$$ on a dress, and I feel like a placeholder. She wants me there, but not my family.

I'm just disappointed. Like I said in 1,2&3, it's their choice who they want there. I fully acknowledge that. Just kind of bummed that she didn't think to tell me sooner.
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Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    The bride should not have made demands for a bp, shower or anything else. It was your right and responsiblity to let her know what you could and couldn't afford to do. Your only obligation is to buy the dress and show up on time for the wedding.

    As you say, the bride and groom have a right to decide whether or not they want to invite children to their wedding. You were planning to bring your 3 year old with you, anyway, to visit your ILs, so you actually haven't been inconvenienced. If she was 3 MONTHS old and nursing, I would say you have a legitimate gripe, whether you were traveling for the wedding or not.

    It would be bad form for the bride to  tell her guests that their children won't be invited to the wedding. If you needed that information in order to decide on travel arrangements, you should have asked your friend without pressuring her. Then you could have accepted or declined the honor of being in the wedding party as you wished.

    Go to the wedding and have a good time. Let your ILs enjoy some time with your little one.



                       
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2012
    Calliope - did you post something? Your name appears in the response column, but your post is not here. I'm asking because I have noticed this happening a lot lately.
                       
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  • msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    While I see your point, I also think you are missing it from her point of view. She shouldn't have to inform every guest specifically that kids aren't invited. Those who are invited are on the invitation. It's really that simple. She's not slighting you, but you seem think you should have been given special notice. Is that really fair? After all, she's planning a wedding, and how could she remember to tell everyone. How would that conversation go? "Oh, I can't wait for the wedding, it'll be so much fun. But your children aren't invited." Wouldn't it have been more rude, to make a point to say your daughter isn't invited which is basicly what you are asking her to do.

    She hasn't done anything wrong, and there isn't a reason for you to be upset. You were bringing the child anyway so you aren't out any money, time, or energy. Let it go, and enjoy the wedding.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    We are one of three couples total traveling from out of town. In town, it's easier to get a sitter or make arrangements. Out of town, she probably just assumed DH's family would take DD, but never said a word to me about it.  The STD was addressed to "family", but like I said, I made previous arrangements because I needed to be sure DD was taken care of. If she doesn't have time to call everyone with kids (understandable), she could have called just those three OOT couples. Or, when I call her to ask what I can help with or how she is doing (every two weeks), she could have mentioned it then. I really don't think it's unreasonable to warn someone standing up in your wedding that they need to make childcare arrangements at least once in this whole planning process.

    She also didn't have to tell me DD was not invited the way you said. Like I said, I am a bridesmaid - a good friend - I would understand. "Hey, we're short on space/money/whatever and are only having adults at the reception, just as a heads up. Will DH's family be able to watch DD?" That would have been perfectly fine, no feelings hurt. Ignoring the situation when I've gone above and beyond to help her plan where she's asked? Not nice.

    n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:fc4fccad-1900-4932-9ed5-c2b78fd29bd7">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]While I see your point, I also think you are missing it from her point of view. She shouldn't have to inform every guest specifically that kids aren't invited. Those who are invited are on the invitation. It's really that simple. She's not slighting you, but you seem think you should have been given special notice. Is that really fair? After all, she's planning a wedding, and how could she remember to tell everyone. How would that conversation go? "Oh, I can't wait for the wedding, it'll be so much fun. But your children aren't invited." Wouldn't it have been more rude, to make a point to say your daughter isn't invited which is basicly what you are asking her to do. She hasn't done anything wrong, and there isn't a reason for you to be upset. You were bringing the child anyway so you aren't out any money, time, or energy. Let it go, and enjoy the wedding.
    Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:e7cd7b01-39b3-4679-a86b-21cf562ce67d">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]The bride should not have made demands for a bp, shower or anything else. It was your right and responsiblity to let her know what you could and couldn't afford to do. Your only obligation is to buy the dress and show up on time for the wedding. As you say, the bride and groom have a right to decide whether or not they want to invite children to their wedding. You were planning to bring your 3 year old with you, anyway, to visit your ILs, so you actually haven't been inconvenienced. If she was 3 MONTHS old and nursing, I would say you have a legitimate gripe, whether you were traveling for the wedding or not. It would be bad form for the bride to  tell her guests that their children won't be invited to the wedding. If you needed that information in order to decide on travel arrangements, you should have asked your friend without pressuring her. Then you could have accepted or declined the honor of being in the wedding party as you wished. Go to the wedding and have a good time. Let your ILs enjoy some time with your little one.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    I guess we agree to disagree - I think it's bad form to not be honest and let folks coming from out of town that their kids are not invited so they can make advance plans, whatever you assume their particular circumstances might be. This is not a one day trip, and I'm not just a regular guest. There are a ton of time and $ obligations (which I was happy to accept) -  it's a full day of flying with connections each way, plus the wedding itself, and all the extra wedding events like rehearsal, bridal lunch, etc.

    I think this is more of a friendship issue than a wedding etiquette one, actually, the more I think about it.  I am fine with DD not being invited - honestly - I just that I wish she was up front with me about it earlier. No, it would not have changed that we are bringing our child to town. It's really the fact that being friends for over 20 years, she didn't even think to mention part of my family was not invited, she chose to let me know by USPS. Yes, etiquette says only people on the invite are invited, she shouldn't bring it up, I shouldn't bring it up, etc etc, but really. I'd rather have sat through the uncomfortable conversation two months ago and have her nicely bring up that I needed to make arrangements for DD, than wonder what they would decide until I get the invite in the mail. I'm not her third cousin twice removed - I'm one of her best friends who has tried my best to help with the wedding planning and supporting her. We talk often, and the opportunity was there. I didn't dare ask or even mention anything because I know that's not proper. 
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:0c566858-66d8-4f42-be9b-b5c1a1c03d01">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it would have been rude of the bride to come out and say, "I'm not inviting your daughter."  If she never mentioned inviting kids, you shouldn't have assumed otherwise.   Yes, its an inconvenience for you but the bride did nothing wrong by not broadcasting it earlier.
    Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

    Like I said, I made previous arrangements, I did <strong>not</strong> just assume DD was invited.

    My disappointment  is not that she's not invited, but that the bride never came out and told me. There were plenty of ways she could have politely given me a heads up. We're close friends, and she knows I would have understood. We speak every other week (I call her to check in, see if she needs help, let her vent, etc) and she's never mentioned a word about kids, and I've likewise never said anything - it's not my place. My feelings wouldn't have been hurt if she had brought it up when we spoke, but the way she did this makes me feel like she was trying to be sneaky about it or avoid talking to me.
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  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment

    OP - I'm with you on this one.  This is someone who considers you a close enough friend to ask you to stand beside her at her wedding but she couldn't extend the courtesy of a heads up? 


    I'm sorry that you're hurt - I would have been as well.  Like you said though, you can't really say anything at this point so vent it out and try to let it go so you can enjoy the trip and the wedding next month. 

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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:dbdac380-c6a0-44f4-8b0c-91892614b08b">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP - I'm with you on this one.  This is someone who considers you a close enough friend to ask you to stand beside her at her wedding but she couldn't extend the courtesy of a heads up?  I'm sorry that you're hurt - I would have been as well.  Like you said though, you can't really say anything at this point so vent it out and try to let it go so you can enjoy the trip and the wedding next month. 
    Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, Girlie. I think my title and my OP were a little misleading - got things off on the wrong direction here. It's not that she's not invited, it's that my friend kept that from me while I did my best to support her. I wouldn't dare say a word to her - just planning everything around to make sure DD's covered and will try to have a good time there.
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  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:7ee36857-6bf3-42f6-a9ae-39c8f1b4a87b">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, sorry, but you're whining about nothing here. And for the record, it may not be a 'no child' wedding, which would make it doubly awkward for her to tell you that YOUR kid isn't invited but the Flower Girl or Ring Bearer is, etc. You are wrong.  She did what is proper etiquette.  You weren't inconvenienced.  Get over it.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    This is where I roll my eyes at a lot of TK party lines on etiquette.  We're talking about dear friends here - not a 2nd cousin 3 times removed.  If my BP included any out-of-towners with kids and I was having a no kid wedding, they would have been the first to know.  And like OP said, she's not hurt that her daughter isn't invited, just more that her friend isn't communicating with her. 
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:7ee36857-6bf3-42f6-a9ae-39c8f1b4a87b">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, sorry, but you're whining about nothing here. And for the record, it may not be a 'no child' wedding, which would make it doubly awkward for her to tell you that YOUR kid isn't invited but the Flower Girl or Ring Bearer is, etc. You are wrong.  She did what is proper etiquette.  You weren't inconvenienced.  Get over it.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for your input.
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  • wegsmomwegsmom member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    In response to StageManager, actually OP is not wrong in this situation, the bride is.  If the STD was sent to "family", then so should the actual wedding invitation.
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:56c03f15-e89f-4740-8ad6-0b7c74721c10">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]In response to StageManager, actually OP is not wrong in this situation, the bride is.  If the STD was sent to "family", then so should the actual wedding invitation.
    Posted by wegsmom[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, wegsmom. I don't blame anyone for what they said about the STD/invite because I didn't talk about the STD until farther down in the thread. My OP didn't include all the information - no one's fault but mine! 
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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    The STD/invitation disparity is the real problem here, not whether or not the bride called you be all "guess what!  Your kid's not invited!"

    If the bride had properly addressed the STD, this would be a complete non-issue.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree the bride messed up on either the STD. OR maybe she messed up on the wedding invitation. If you were under the impression that your daughter was going to be invited to the wedding because of the STD, then I can understand why you are hurt or annoyed. If the bride invites your daughter to the wedding would you bring her?
                       
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  • spazticrexespazticrexe
    First Comment
    Yes, it would have been polite for the bride to verbally or otherwise mention the 'no kids' thing to OOT guests. However, it was not impolite for her to not mention it.
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:aa0f966e-5471-4d34-b3ce-d19c5274336b">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt : Now that I DO totally agree with.  And if the OP had EXPECTED her daughter to be invited because of this and then the invitation coming to just them had been a shock, I would say she had a valid point.  However, I think the idea that the bride needs to call people and tell them that their kid is specifically not invited is ludicrous, especially when the OP indicated herself that it was made pretty clear that the kid wasn't invited, she just never came out and said it.  This is actually why I advocate against STDs.  For all we know, the bride intended to invite the whole family, but something happened budget-wise and she found out that inviting kids was going to raise the bill by $1500, which she couldn't afford.  Perhaps someone else addressed the STD while helping her and did it incorrectly without her knowledge.  Perhaps she just didn't know any better when she sent them out months and months ago, and has since come on this website or one like it and learned how to properly address invitations.  Either way, the bride was wrong to address the STD that way, but she was NOT wrong to not make a point of telling her friend directly that she didn't want her kid there.  And, as there has literally been no harm done aside from OP's feelings being hurt that she was never told directly, I still say it's not worth holding a grudge over and that she should just move past it.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    "Ludicrous"? Really? You must have really low expectations of your friends and family. I thought that in our hundreds of conversations about her wedding, she would have been considerate to bring it up to one of her best friends that "hey, you need to make some other plans". I don't see where she made it "pretty clear" that DD was not invited - I was the one who was proactive and made alternate plans because I had not heard anything and did not want to assume she was invited. Not expecting her to call every guest with a child - tell someone she speaks to constantly about this wedding about something that would affect her directly. I really disagree that it's an unreasonable thing.

    I AM going to move past it. I posted on "Moms and Maids" because it was an issue that was making me feel bad as her friend that she wasn't honest or up front with me, when we have the kind of relationship where she knows she could be. I specifically did not post on Etiquette because I know what she did was correct per etiquette. People are stuck on the fact that etiquette wise she was completely proper (which I acknowledge) but ignore the fact that my real issue is the lack of communication. That's the disappointment for me.
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:984c3900-1eb8-4476-b477-8415d35729b2">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree the bride messed up on either the STD. OR maybe she messed up on the wedding invitation. If you were under the impression that your daughter was going to be invited to the wedding because of the STD, then I can understand why you are hurt or annoyed. If the bride invites your daughter to the wedding would you bring her?
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    I'm guessing after this and other events she just has no clue on invites and etiquette - there have been a few other things ladies here would roll their eyes at (like planning her own showers and bachelorettes). I love her, but sometimes her people skills aren't great. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

    I probably would have brought DD to the wedding if she were invited, at least for a bit (not past bedtime or anything like that). She's a good kid - polite and quiet. But no worries, she'll have fun with our family anyway.
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:908c1cc9-7678-4af0-9373-d3480a486f33">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, it would have been polite for the bride to verbally or otherwise mention the 'no kids' thing to OOT guests. However, it was not impolite for her to not mention it.
    Posted by spazticrexe[/QUOTE]

    I agree that etiquette-wise she is perfectly correct.
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  • id012id012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    OP im with you. I hear what your saying.. your not mad about it you just dissapointed that she never gave you a heads up. And you know what, I think the bride is in the wrong. I mean.. she said until you GOT invitation to "let you know". Considering your in the wedding, and you have to fly there she should have told you. What if your DH's family was out of town that day, or for some reason couldn't watch your LO. I mean people do have lives. I have a son and its hard enough to find a sitter with all of our family here! 
    Sometimes people without kids dont realize how difficult it could be to arrange everything for kids. 
    ALSO! All of this wedding eddicate really drives me nuts. If people weren't so hung up on the proper eddiqute then they probably would be a lot less stressed out. It's 2012, we can changes things up a little bit now.And this is coming from someone who lives, born and raised in "snotty" connecticut.
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    edited May 2012
    There may also be a bit of cultural/regional disconnect here. I can see how if in your locale or social group, people normally have black tie, adult only, evening weddings, you wouldn't even imagine your child might be invited and probably think I am crazy for even wondering if mine might be.  In the area we're going, things are usually more casual (as is the wedding we are going to - daytime at a men's group hall). It's been years since I've been to an "adult only" wedding in my social group. So, I assumed no children to be safe with planning, but it wouldn't have been unexpected if people going to this wedding did assume their kids were invited until they got the invites.
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  • purplebear17purplebear17
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:49773b2b-acee-4489-97a4-06ee210fd3f1">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, for the record, you're hurt that she didn't respect you enough as a close friend to breach etiquette and announce directly that your child was not invited, even though that would be perceived as rude and awkward to the rest of the world. Guess it's a good thing you respected her enough as a close personal friend to directly ASK her, even though that would NOT be considered rude or awkward, right?  Oh wait... See, that argument works both ways.  No, I would never dream of doing something that might potentially insult my friends, but if my friends were using this argument of 'we're close enough you should have known you could tell me without me getting mad', you can bet I'd want to know why we weren't close enough that they thought they could ASK me without getting mad.  I'm sorry, but I still think the fact that you are upset enough over this to complain to (and then argue with) total strangers for 2 days over it is a bit, yes, ludicrous.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    It's clear we will continue to disagree. Thanks for your input.
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  • twotimemobtwotimemob member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Call your friend and ask her if your daughter is allowed to attend.
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  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:b357c7e9-e569-4caa-a23e-71a50402a0c8">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]Call your friend and ask her if your daughter is allowed to attend.
    Posted by twotimemob[/QUOTE]

    Did you even read any of this?
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  • melb2013melb2013 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:e7cd7b01-39b3-4679-a86b-21cf562ce67d">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]The bride should not have made demands for a bp, shower or anything else. It was your right and responsiblity to let her know what you could and couldn't afford to do. Your only obligation is to buy the dress and show up on time for the wedding. As you say, the bride and groom have a right to decide whether or not they want to invite children to their wedding. You were planning to bring your 3 year old with you, anyway, to visit your ILs, so you actually haven't been inconvenienced. If she was 3 MONTHS old and nursing, I would say you have a legitimate gripe, whether you were traveling for the wedding or not. <strong>It would be bad form for the bride to  tell her guests that their children won't be invited to the wedding.</strong> If you needed that information in order to decide on travel arrangements, you should have asked your friend without pressuring her. Then you could have accepted or declined the honor of being in the wedding party as you wished. Go to the wedding and have a good time. Let your ILs enjoy some time with your little one.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This.  The bride handled this correctly by not telling you that your child wasn't invited, but simply addressing the invitation to only you and your husband (I'm assuming DH is husband?  I don't know abbreviations).

    </div>

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  • twotimemobtwotimemob member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2012
    Um, yes, I did read the OP.  I think the OP should call and ask, "Gosh, friend, I guess I'm confused, I'm not sure if it's all right if little Emma comes with us to the wedding, or would you rather I get a sitter"?, instead of waiting for a pronouncement from the friend or trying to read between the lines.  Just ask.
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  • owengirl996owengirl996 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_daughter-not-invited-feelings-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2baee4ec-2436-40d8-ba77-c01d73ae67d7Post:a22acb46-3bef-4ce3-95ee-0f4ec738acbb">Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Daughter not invited - feelings hurt : This.  The bride handled this correctly by not telling you that your child wasn't invited, but simply addressing the invitation to only you and your husband (I'm assuming DH is husband?  I don't know abbreviations).
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

    ...But she handled it completely wrong by addressing the STD to "family"! So, after doing that, if she changed her mind, since it already goes against etiquette, why not just tell her?? It doesn't sound like this bride is completely on the etiquette train the way it is.

    OP, I'm sorry, and I understand you're just disappointed. It's great that you didn't assume anything, and knew enough to read into the fact only you and DH were on the invite. Your DD will more than likely have more fun staying with family, anyway :)
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