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Wedding Etiquette Forum

*wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.

Ok I just was stalking the boards and learned that cash bars are incredibly tacky (news to me). My wedding budget is $4000 and cannot afford a bar, but the venue has an awesome full service bar that we would like our guests to have the opportunity to use if they so choose. It is in a different room than the banquet hall. We are not allowed to bring in alcohol, and the woman I spoke to estimated that if I were to pay for an open bar, it would cost about $10,000-30,000 or possibly more, so I have to put that down as a deposit. The only reason I am even having the reception here in the first place is I fell in love with it but it did not fit in our budget, so my in laws offered to pay if we open up the cash bar (but they were only paying for the venue, not the bar). Invitations have gone out already, and I thought cash bars were normal. My solution is to give out one glass of wine or champagne to each guest while we are taking our pictures, and then open up the cash bar afterwards. Is this acceptable or am I doomed to be the most rude bride ever? For the record we are paying by plate for dinner, and I am sure that every guest knows we are not wealthy.

Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.

  • 10,000 to 30,000? How many guests are you having? 30,000 sounds REALLY high. We had a top shelf open bar with 220 guests and it was nowhere near the high end of that range. 

    Can you have the bar offer only beer and wine, maybe one signature cocktail? Even if they can't remove the liquor displayed, you can do this. Just put a sign on the bar saying "Beer, Wine,  and Signature Drink are compliments of the Bride and Groom." Or something to that effect. 
  • The only problem is that the venue will not provide a bar tender if I'm only serving beer and wine and we are paying with a cap. They said they won't make enough money, and the bar and banquet hall are separate. I don't know what I'm going to do.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:3368cfd9-d702-4f2c-bd00-b247155dcd62">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]The only problem is that the venue will not provide a bar tender if I'm only serving beer and wine and we are paying with a cap. They said they won't make enough money, and the bar and banquet hall are separate. I don't know what I'm going to do.
    Posted by kjordan0914[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>So the venue only lets you use the bar if it's an open bar or cash bar? Hmm. 

    <div>Could you set up a table in the hall with beer and wine on ice so guests can just serve themselves? Or you could have just the beer there, maybe a cocktail, and put a bottle of red and bottle of white on each table. </div><div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:3b00ce93-c5a1-4c61-a4b8-a3e17470cd9a">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie. : So the venue only lets you use the bar if it's an open bar or cash bar? Hmm.  Could you set up a table in the hall with beer and wine on ice so guests can just serve themselves? Or you could have just the beer there, maybe a cocktail, and put a bottle of red and bottle of white on each table. 
    Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]
    That is an idea, I'll have to ask. I'll also have to get the FILS to agree. If not, is what I decribed acceptable, even if it is not 100% desirable?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:fe2e3739-09e2-4f77-b914-336a1c2bb204">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]10,000 to 30,000? How many guests are you having? 30,000 sounds REALLY high. We had a top shelf open bar with 220 guests and it was nowhere near the high end of that range.  Can you have the bar offer only beer and wine, maybe one signature cocktail? Even if they can't remove the liquor displayed, you can do this. Just put a sign on the bar saying "Beer, Wine,  and Signature Drink are compliments of the Bride and Groom." Or something to that effect. 
    Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]
    We are inviting 250 and expecting 150-200. I agree that it is high, probably due to the drinks being over priced and overestimating to get me to spend more. But figuring on just 3 drinks each at $7 for 150 people, that is still over $3000...money we don't have. 
  • I'd really try having a self serve type of thing before resorting to a cash bar. 

    Is there any wiggle room in the budget? As a guest, I'd appreciate not having to pay for drinks over seeing pretty centerpieces and that sort of thing, ya know? If you can't work something out besides doing a cash bar, I'd host an open bar for the majority of the night and then cash bar later on. 

    But DEFINITELY ask about just having a self serve drink station, I think this would be nice :) 
  • I can't see a venue going for  self-serve drink station.....too hard to control how much people drink, and their liquor license is probably contingent on having a licensed bartender serving the drinks.

    But perhaps you can talk them into serving beer and wine table-side?  Most places are fine with their table-servers pouring wine tableside, and perhaps they can be talked into doing beer this way as well?  Beer and wine table-side will also reduce how much people drink....
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  • Great ideas everyone, thanks for the replies even if they aren't what I was hoping to hear! But I'd rather know now than afterwards.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:b97360ea-3be0-4fdb-87dd-26eded90095a">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I<strong> can't see a venue going for  self-serve drink station.....too hard to control how much people drink, and their liquor license is probably contingent on having a licensed bartender</strong> serving the drinks. But perhaps you can talk them into serving beer and wine table-side?  Most places are fine with their table-servers pouring wine tableside, and perhaps they can be talked into doing beer this way as well?  Beer and wine table-side will also reduce how much people drink....
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's not necessarily true. A lot of venues will allow it if you purchase your own insurance to cover the liability. </div><div>
    </div><div>Asking about table service is a good suggestion, though - OP, I'd ask about that as well. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:fdca5a08-b753-4e22-9eea-0d95657f241e">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know, you could just have a dry wedding.  Or have signature drinks, like sangria.   Or have bottles of wine on the tables for dinner.  That goes down better etiquette-wise than a cash bar.
    <p>Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]</p><p>If I have a dry wedding I have to pay for it. I am less than 3 months from the wedding and can't pay for this venue myself. I will have to ask about the bottles of wine, but I am sure they will require me to have a cash or open bar if any alcohol is served. We can't bring in alcohol.</p>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:67c01dd0-be21-4192-8bc5-8155784dfda9">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie. : If I have a dry wedding I have to pay for it. I am less than 3 months from the wedding and can't pay for this venue myself. I will have to ask about the bottles of wine, but I am sure they will require me to have a cash or open bar if any alcohol is served. We can't bring in alcohol.
    Posted by kjordan0914[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Couldn't you just purchase all the alcohol through the venue? Then they just don't have a bartender there, but they're still making money on the alcohol (which it sounds like their mainly concerned with). </div><div>
    </div><div>Is any of this in your venue contract? 

    </div>
  • It is in the contract that I will either pay the $300 for the bartenders and have a paid or cash full bar or I will opt out of the bar. As I stated I am unable to opt out of the bar without my FILS (heavy drinkers) getting furious and refusing to pay, leaving me with the contract and no venue. They have only paid the deposit, and they did sign the contract stating that they were paying for the venue, but really if they refuse am I going to cancel the wedding and go to court with my in laws? No. I guess my only option is having bottles of wine available or paying for the cocktail hour, and also having a cash bar. Maybe I can just not mention the bar and nobody will know it is there since it is down the hallway from the area that we rented. lol what a mess.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:fe2e3739-09e2-4f77-b914-336a1c2bb204">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>10,000 to 30,000? How many guests are you having? 30,000 sounds REALLY high.</strong> We had a top shelf open bar with 220 guests and it was nowhere near the high end of that range.  Can you have the bar offer only beer and wine, maybe one signature cocktail? Even if they can't remove the liquor displayed, you can do this. Just put a sign on the bar saying "Beer, Wine,  and Signature Drink are compliments of the Bride and Groom." Or something to that effect. 
    Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

    Where I live, the culture is big party/big drinkers, think triple and quadruple fisting your beers at about $6 a pop and the bar doesn't close until 2 AM legally.  One of my cousins had a 1 hour cocktail reception which costed her $3500 (in one hour I know half the guys drank nearly a half a dozen beer in that one hour).  A girl I also know had a very unheard of host bar here for the entire night and it ran her nearly $35,000.  Big drinkers.  Ran until about 3 Am.  Host bars where I live are very rare, even for a cocktail hour.  We are just having the servers serve wine at the dinner.  After that we MAY purchase drink tickets to hand out, but we'll see. 

    I think whatever you can afford, whatever is in your cultural/social norm, do that.  And remember, nobody will remember if you had a certain thing at your wedding or not.  Do what you are comfortable with!
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  • Unfortunately, cash bars are poor etiquette any way you cut it.  It sounds like in your situation you basically have no choice.  Can you and your FI afford to host a full bar for two hours or something?  Can you discuss this with your FILs and see what their suggestions are?  Can you host beer and wine and then have the liquor available for people to buy if they choose?  (fellow posters will note this is still in bad form, but imo it is better than the alternatives). 
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  • Your FIL's suck. "We'll pay for the venue, but only if you (A)go into debt so we can drink like fish, or (B)you are rude to your guests by making them pay."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:f5d637a6-14b3-4734-87e2-0d1901d5ba06">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your FIL's suck. "We'll pay for the venue, but only if you (A)go into debt so we can drink like fish, or (B)you are rude to your guests by making them pay."
    Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

    Agreed. I'm a bit confused about how they are springing this on you three months out. If having an open bar was so important, how was this not something that was worked out the day you booked the venue?
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  • If the bar is available in a different room, you cannot stop guests from leaving to go purchase drinks, thus, the cash bar is always available to them even if you don't promote it.

    I would look at providing a couple of bottles of wine for each table (even just one white and one red) and then call it a day.  If people want to leave to get a drink, that's on them.  You aren't advertising it, you aren't providing a cash bar, and you are hosting only what you can afford.

    Your IL's can't be pissy about that. 
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  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited August 2012
    I don't have an answer but just curious on this whole topic in general. When I looked at venues here in Chicago, pretty much every single one of them had an open bar as part of the package. If you wanted higher shelf liquior, you paid more but other than that it was all pretty much included.


    I am shocked when I hear stories from people around the country on how venues handle it there.  It sounds like in some areas of the country, you have to pay for every drink a person drinks at your wedding...I am curious as to what people's experience has been about the bar/drinking being included in the venue.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:9bcf6730-f6fc-4f7e-b288-dc65582ef9f9">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am curious as to what people's experience has been about the bar/drinking being included in the venue.
    Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

    I've seen three bar options while looking at venues:

    1) Bar included in total package, as you mentioned, with surcharge for top shelf

    2) Bar package is separate from catering package, and the price per person depends on the type of alcohol served. Beer/wine packages are cheapest, and then there are various "tiers" up to top shelf.

    3) Consumption bar - the bartender(s) tally the drinks served and then present the B&G with a bill at the end of the night. This is good if you only have a few drinkers, but it can be risky because you have no idea how much the bill will be (and some people underestimate how many drinks will be served).
  • I recall options 2 & 3 coming up when I was looking at venues in the Boston area, but then again we're not having a large wedding.
    Maybe it is more cost effective to have option 1 above when your wedding is bigger (with potentially a lot more people drinking at a larger wedding an option like#1 might help you to know for sure what your cost will be, not sure)...
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  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    edited August 2012
    Cash bars are more common in the greater Boston area (specifically North Shore) although they're flipping annoying.

    Our venue has a 'bar service' per head cost, which includes bartenders, mixers, ice, glasswear, etc (no alcohol).  We may provide any alcohol of our choosing and they will serve it... so we're buying it at Costco.

    OP, have you told your ILs how rude cash bars can be seen?  Maybe then they'll compromise.  They don't want to look like the cheap ones :D
  • ive been to very few open bars in my life.  i appreciate one when its there, but i usually expect a cash bar.

    i personally see nothing wrong with them, and i had one.

    if its news to you that cash bars are tacky, then most likely your circle of family and friends wont be put off by it if its the norm in your area/with your guests.
  • Half of our guests will be drinking, the other half will not.  We are still not sure on how to handle this.  Our venue does have an option to set a certain limit and start charging when they reach that limit. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wince-cash-barspare-me-im-a-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73995186-e668-4464-b9b8-a42b9fea2c9ePost:f5d637a6-14b3-4734-87e2-0d1901d5ba06">Re: *wince* Cash bar...spare me I'm a newbie.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your FIL's suck. "We'll pay for the venue, but only if you (A)go into debt so we can drink like fish, or (B)you are rude to your guests by making them pay."
    Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

    Exactly this.  NEVER go into debt over this stuff, especially on your FIL's alcohol expectations.  Seriously.  Its one day...but the debt can take years to pay off, unless they are happily going to bring your credit down to $0 owing, then by all means! lol
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  • If you're going to do cash bar, make sure your guests know this up front or there's an ATM nearby...

    Last wedding I went to was cash bar and the nearest ATM was 15 miles away
    GRRRRR!!!
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