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Fair warning to newbies

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Re: Fair warning to newbies

  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2013
    I think" rude" is an over-used word on this forum! LOL

    But in all honesty, I don't think people here are rude. Nor I do think people try to hurt posters intentially. I think that people here can be a little blunt and not everyone can handle that. But It's ok some people just want to be talked to differently. 

    I think it's important to remember that it's hard to tell where someone is coming from through writting. Something that seems like it is coming off rudely, may actually be meant to be delivered in the kindest of ways. Then there are times that people may interpret something as funny or sweet, when the sender actually did mean for it to be rude.

    It's one of the downfall of communicating online. It's unclear to tell how the message is meant to be delivered. It's all up to interpretation. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:795f2135-0990-4ebf-b854-4cdaff255bee">Re:Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Fair warning to newbies: Thanks. That makes me feel better. I just really don't understand how you can have 900 posts and hate it here.
    Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]
    <div>This. And ditto Lia on not feeling bad. I just now read that thread, and I don't feel you "lost it" on her at all. Her reason is odd, and I completely agree with the way Bear tried to present that to her. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:ed7eac42-1cbe-4622-b8a3-96a44327360a">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]People bereate everyone whose opinions are different than theirs. Would I ever have a backyard BBQ wedding? Heck no, but that doesn't make it stupid. Everyone on this board thinks they are right b/c that is the "proper etiquette". The proper etiquette in books don't apply to every wedding. Every wedding is different. Some traditions in one region of the country might be far different than another one in another region. Dollar dances go over horribly in northeast. It could be a staple at every wedding in the south. I am not rude for not opening gifts at my shower. I am entitled to feel how I feel in regards to people opening them up and not opening them up. Do I think it is rude to open gifts at a shower, yes I do, but instead of listening to my reasons behind it (which are valid), I get attacked for no reason. Maybe you don't mind watching people open gifts that you aren't getting- many many people loathe it NOT just me. I am doing a respectful thing by actually spending time talking to my guests @ my shower than wasting an hour open their gifts, which are material. Company of people is more important than any material gift in this world. Just b/c it's not what YOU believe or the etiquette books believe, doesn't make it wrong. I agree OP. Most people are pretty rude.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    <strong>Etiquette does not equal tradition.</strong> I'm not sure why people always jump to that. The very basis of proper social etiquette is to be sure your guests are comfortable at an event you are hosting. That entails not forcing them to pay for anything, being sure that the right amount and type of food offers is appropriate for the time of day the event is held. Making your guests pay for anything is rude. They are <em>guests</em>, not paying attendees.

    Money trees, dollar dances, etc. are traditions in some areas, but are considered bad etiquette because it requires the guest to open up their wallets at a hosted event.

    I'm not sure what you mean regarding why you think it's rude to open gifts at a gift-giving event. I must have missed that thread. I'm honestly curious what your thoughts are on that, considering the entire point of a shower is to "shower" the bride (or expectant mother) with gifts.

    I did read the thread the OP is referring to. No one tore her apart. She asked a question on an etiquette board. She was answered. None of the regs sugarcoat anything. I respect that. That's why I still lurk and very occasionally why I still post. The regs can be blunt, but I've never seen any reg be openly rude to another poster. Usually it's the newbie that starts stomping her feet and calling names.
    9.17.2010
    planning

    image
  • I'm guessing this is more directed at me (not on OPs original thread, but one similar). I did make the elope comment (I was being dramatic).
    But it was after a post where hocky came in, and even after she was told proper etiquette in her own thread, still suggested to the poster that she should do what she wants (aka not host properly). And then she essentially went onto say that the guests shouldn't expect to be treated with proper etiquette and if they're upset over it, they're probably not close friends, because they're there to witness your day and not to get free booze and food.

    So I do apologize for being short. But my opinion on your attitude towards hosting your guests remains.
  • Rude: Your idea is bad and you should feel bad! ALSO, your sig sucks, your idea sucks, and your wedding will be a huge disaster because of your bad idea!!

    Not rude: I don't like your idea, because it is rude for these reasons: la la la. But here's how you can remedy that: la la la. 

    You can make the difference, knowledge is power, etc.
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  • I don;t know how old you are, Hockey, but I'd just like to point out that the 17-year-old in the thread above is being bombarded with posts that she may not agree with and are not what she wanted to hear and she is taking it very well. In other words - grow the f up.
  • Did someone report her?  The OP is gone. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:196635ad-7fe9-452a-b35c-f393e709a90e">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fair warning to newbies : <3 <3 <3 Can I have as sig quote please?
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Of course! </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, I'll now feel famous...because I'm a total AW.

    </div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:98e775ce-e999-4653-9a30-cba24ffb9f27">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don;t know how old you are, Hockey, but I'd just like to point out that the 17-year-old in the thread above is being bombarded with posts that she may not agree with and are not what she wanted to hear and she is taking it very well. In other words - grow the f up.
    Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

    <div>You know it's bad when the 17 year old is taking it better than you are.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:08329416-2864-4fb7-9933-1742ddb0539a">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lisa, can you be my newb too??? OP - Jenna Marbles as Nyan Cat.  Your opinion is flawed.
    Posted by tarradesign[/QUOTE]

    This is how my cat feels about the whole thing:


    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/5/1/f5d6124c-c40a-4a1f-91d2-ac104d0192ee.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/5/1/f5d6124c-c40a-4a1f-91d2-ac104d0192ee.medium.jpg" alt="" width="363" height="241" /></a>

    SRSLY?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:1bcf264f-39b3-4bbe-86f9-fd699c6d0a45">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did someone report her?  The OP is gone. 
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    <div>She GBCK'd in the other post maybe she figured out how to delete her account?</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:371e3e80-a43f-4828-8e10-49d709d7ff89">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fair warning to newbies : She GBCK'd in the other post maybe she figured out how to delete her account?
    Posted by PrincessBride2016[/QUOTE]
    No b/c she is continuing to post elsewhere, despite announcing she was GBCKing. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Knot JenniferKnot Jennifer member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited March 2013
    I had a chance to read through the threads and I do think in this case, the advice given by the women was on point. While the delivery wasn't laced with sunshine and rainbows, the bottom line advice was pure etiquette and fair. The women are encouraging you to put yourself in the guest's shoes with scenarios of how they'd feel at your wedding - which is a smart thing to do!

    Bear said what I would have said:  You should have the same hosted options all night. Period. You shouldn't ask your guests to pay for a drink that they got for free 2 hours ago. You shouldn't ask your guests to pay for a drink at all. Either drop the liquor altogether or host it all night.”  -- agree 100%

    Also, I didn't write down who said this, but this was a great soution: "So meet in the middle and do beer and wine only. I just went to a beer and wine wedding last weekend and it was still an awesome time and everyone was still dancing all night."


    Best of luck with your wedding!

  • Holy moly. I will just say that

    KJ's new avitar made me LOL

    as did the memes.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • If this is going to keep up at this rate, I'm going to need to make an earlier trip to the liquor store than planned.  And/or buy stock in a winery.  Holy. Moly.
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • What was the originally complaint from the newb??? Either way, I respect what most of these ladies are saying. If no name calling is used, or being purposefully condesending, or telling someone flat out their idea sux, then I don't see what the problem is. People don't think your idea is good, GET OVER IT! That's life, and you don't have to take the advice, but trying to control others or getting pissy at their responses is immature. Rise above it, and form your own opinions and stay away from these boards if you can't handle the unsugarcoated statements.
  • Also, I think "judging a person's character" over a post isn't ok, unless they they did something to escalate the situation to that point. Ex: Being overly defensive and dramatic.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:ed7eac42-1cbe-4622-b8a3-96a44327360a">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE] Do I think it is rude to open gifts at a shower, yes I do, but instead of listening to my reasons behind it (which are valid), I get attacked for no reason. Maybe you don't mind watching people open gifts that you aren't getting- many many people loathe it NOT just me.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]


    Why do I get the very distinct feeling that you're an only child?

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • "Do I think it is rude to open gifts at a shower, yes I do, but instead of listening to my reasons behind it (which are valid), I get attacked for no reason. Maybe you don't mind watching people open gifts that you aren't getting- many many people loathe it NOT just me. 
    Posted by OwningAHome1981"

    I don't think there has been one shower I've been to where gifts were not opened. That's part of the fun is seeing the bride's excited face when she gets to your present, but that's just me. I love giving thoughtful gifts that put smiles on my friends' faces
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