RSVP notations from guests

tenofcups4me · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:cb7c7b7d-84cd-46fe-8e34-a1f2c9299f2c">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Just because you choose to go about your allergies in that way (not informing the hosts and therefore just not eating certain things) doesn't mean that's how you should treat your guests. You can't tell me you wouldn't appreciate it if someone took your allergies into account for you so you didn't have to worry about what you ate. That's the nice and gracious thing to do.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

No, I would not at all expect someone to not serve any seafood simply because I'm allergic. That's absurd. Have your shrimp bowls, crab cakes, whatever else you want. I would, of course, appreciate it if the entire meal was not seafood based, but I would expect any good host to offer some sort of variety.

To me, it's the same as if I didn't like spinach. If spinach is the veggie, I just won't eat it. I certainly wouldn't ask for something else.

I'm sorry. I'm not ENTITLED to attend a seafood-free reception or have a host re-arrange their entire menu for me.

Now, if I had a peanut allergy of the kind that I could go into shock just by being in the room with a peanut, then of course I would let a host know. But they wouldn't have to ask me about; I'd tell them whether they asked or not.

ElisabethJoanne · January 2012

On cross-contamination, the allergies we're doing "moderate accomodations" for aren't so severe that cross-contamination is an issue. I have personally seen the affected individuals just pick the allergens off their food.

We actually haven't hired a caterer or sent out invites yet. I honestly don't know what I'd do if a RSVP came back with info on yet another allergy, beyond tell the guest our meal plans and ask what they'd like us to do.

Someone mentioned how my family chooses to go without or eat before, rather than expecting others to accomodate our allergies, and wouldn't we appreciate accomodations? Actually, no. We're offered accomodations frequently at parties smaller than weddings, and we always say it's easier for us to make our own arrangements than explain the necessary precautions. As the story where the allergen was just taken off the plate shows, unless you have hosts and a caterer who thoroughly understand the issues, you can't really be sure. We'd rather have the inconvenience just on us, with no risk of trouble, than inconvenience hosts, only to still have trouble.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:ea0cf12a-f832-4c59-9a4e-aef783ec9213">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, maybe I'm reading this all wrong, but it seems to me like Elisabeth isn't taking any precautions against cross contamination or anything. Just, whoops, if you're allergic you're SOL!
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

Agreed Eagles. I get what she's saying about there being other options for guests who are allergic to things, but if you don't warn the kitchen about those allergies in advance, cross-contamination is a real and serious concern. My dad's best friend is deathly allergic to shellfish, and has had allergic reactions to non-shellfish foods because the kitchen used the same knife to cut shellfish and then his food. We're still serving some shellfish at our wedding (FI wants a raw bar at our cocktail hour - obviously in addition to other non-shellfish options), but with very strict instructions to the kitchen about avoiding cross contamination.

dramaqueen91087 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:5625445b-f7a6-4c93-8309-f196414fcb9b">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I The base is apple, and there is rice flour involved.
Posted by chumlee7478[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>No offense but this not completly allergin free then. I could not have this at my wedding as one of my very close friends is highly allergic to apples.</div><div>
</div><div>As for other allergies, we are doing no nuts, anywhere, to accomadate my cousin and the above friend who are highly allergic. The exception is the cupcakes, which will be made somewhere that cooks with nuts. Luckily we have a second plated dessert so the people with nut allergies will be made aware to avoid the cupcakes. Any other allergies will just have to be aware and eat around their allergin, though if they made me aware of something severe I would do my best to accomadate them.</div>

chumlee7478 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:e29d6a55-a0ac-49b5-a0e0-b9d07dc516c2">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP notations from guests : No offense but this not completly allergin free then. I could not have this at my wedding as one of my very close friends is highly allergic to apples. As for other allergies, we are doing no nuts, anywhere, to accomadate my cousin and the above friend who are highly allergic. The exception is the cupcakes, which will be made somewhere that cooks with nuts. Luckily we have a second plated dessert so the people with nut allergies will be made aware to avoid the cupcakes. Any other allergies will just have to be aware and eat around their allergin, though if they made me aware of something severe I would do my best to accomadate them.

Posted by dramaqueen91087[/QUOTE]

It's allergen free for my group. The options for the base were apple, coconut or a soy combo. I can't have any form of nuts because of the allergies in my bridal party. Apples are fine for everyone so we went with that base. I have about 8 cancer survivors who try to avoid soy products, and since I could accomodate that, we chose apple. It works for us in terms of being allergen free, it may not work for everyone out there. Thankfully no one is allergic to fruits.

Melissa603 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:e29d6a55-a0ac-49b5-a0e0-b9d07dc516c2">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP notations from guests : No offense but this not completly allergin free then. I could not have this at my wedding as one of my very close friends is highly allergic to apples.
Posted by dramaqueen91087[/QUOTE]

<div>Nothing is completely allergy free - someone will always be allergic to something. You can do the best for your guests and accommodate as best as possible to your knowledge. Find out from your guests and tailor your menu/their plates accordingly. The same way you would if they were coming to your home for dinner. </div>

Viczaesar · February 2012

As someone who doesn't eat onions or raw tomatoes I feel their pain, but they were out of line to request something like that on the RSVP card. It wouldn't even have occurred to me to do so. Besides, since onions are in everything, I have a ton of practice picking them out of my food!

toothpastechica · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:9b593eab-a911-4153-965c-5cb310794660">RSVP notations from guests</a>:
[QUOTE] The third request was "absolutely no alcohol on the table for me". Posted by chumlee7478[/QUOTE]

Is that person a recouvering alchoholic? that quote kinda makes me wonder (and many people who have struggled with this won't easily admit it since there is a lot of judgement), if so, It would be very inconsiderate to put alchohol in front of them on thier table. If you are having a bar thats fine, but if theres anyway to not put alchohol in front of them (either in glasses or bottles of wine) I would try and accomodate that one.

If they are not in recouvery, and with the other food requests, then is thier issue to deal with not yours. I was a vegiarian for years and honestly I'd rather there be one part of the meal i can eat then get special dish or have a special salad...they are adults they can pick at thier food if they cant be polite enough to eat what is given to them!

sweetcanadian1979 · February 2012

I can not eat tomatoes or onions or anything spicy more than seasoning sald at all. I do not have alergies but i have had stomach surgery & anything with tomatoes & onions as well as a few other things make my stomach burn but i could NOT imagine asking anyone to accomodate me like that at their wedding.

Most weddings i can eat very little & either eat out on my way there (where i can have my plain food without it affecting anyone) or just pick if there actually happens to be something i can eat & then eat when i get home.

I do not ever expect my stomach issues to affect other people, I even cook different things for my fiance that i can't eat just so he has some variety.

As for the alcohol, that is absurd, who dictates whether alcohol is on the tables. Honestly with that one i would let them know that this is your wedding & alcohol will be present.

chumlee7478 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:c93634f8-39ee-4e50-80c0-72fe977ee7d9">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to RSVP notations from guests : Is that person a recouvering alchoholic? that quote kinda makes me wonder (and many people who have struggled with this won't easily admit it since there is a lot of judgement), if so, It would be very inconsiderate to put alchohol in front of them on thier table. If you are having a bar thats fine, but if theres anyway to not put alchohol in front of them (either in glasses or bottles of wine) I would try and accomodate that one. If they are not in recouvery, and with the other food requests, then is thier issue to deal with not yours. I was a vegiarian for years and honestly I'd rather there be one part of the meal i can eat then get special dish or have a special salad...they are adults they can pick at thier food if they cant be polite enough to eat what is given to them!
Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]

No, she's not recovering. If she or any other guest was, we would have thought about not putting the wine right on the tables, but she is truly not in recovery. She just hates alcohol. Having any form of alcohol at any event is wrong in her eyes. We know when she has a party, it's dry, and that's fine. She's the host of her parties. But at others' events, I don't know why she feels she needs to take the Prohibition movement to the next level. She wouldn't come to my mom's birthday party one year because we had it at a pub (it was the only place with great food and enough seats for everyone), and one time she pitched an ever loving fit because there was Grand Marnier in the frosting of a cake for someone's birthday. It was a 21 year old's birthday, not a 2 year old.

I think she's going to have to deal with having the wine on the table, because if I take it off her table, it'll look odd when everyone else's table does have it. There's only 3 people who won't be 21 at the wedding, they'll be 19 and 20, so there's no reason to hide the alcohol from them.

RSVP notations from guests

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