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Bridal Party problem!

AmandaFarmerAmandaFarmer member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I thought picking my bridal party was gong to be easy and fun. It has been the complete opposite. I guess I should start with the first problem. One of my very good friends has asked me to be her maid of honor, of course I agreed and now I am not sure if I should make her my maid of honor or my sister. I really do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I do not know what to do. Secondly, my fiance's sister is expecting to be in my bridal party, we used to be close but we had a falling out and we are just not as close as we once were. I feel like I have to put her in the wedding because it will cause family drama for years to come if I don't. Also, if I put her in my wedding party I am going to have to cut one of my friends out of my bridal party..so its getting pretty stressful. If you have any tips or advice I would greatly appreciate it. :) 


NOTE: I have not told anyone who I am thinking in my bridal party and I am not going to until I am 100% sure of my decision. 
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Re: Bridal Party problem!

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-party-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:583c4521-5c42-4915-86f0-930cf1fa6458Post:761736ff-d44a-4e74-98b1-02c66db87062">Bridal Party problem!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I thought picking my bridal party was gong to be easy and fun. It has been the complete opposite. I guess I should start with the first problem. One of my very good friends has asked me to be her maid of honor, of course I agreed and now I am not sure if I should make her my maid of honor or my sister. I really do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I do not know what to do. Secondly, my fiance's sister is expecting to be in my bridal party, we used to be close but we had a falling out and we are just not as close as we once were. I feel like I have to put her in the wedding because it will cause family drama for years to come if I don't. Also, if I put her in my wedding party I am going to have to cut one of my friends out of my bridal party..so its getting pretty stressful. If you have any tips or advice I would greatly appreciate it. :)  NOTE: I have not told anyone who I am thinking in my bridal party and I am not going to until I am 100% sure of my decision. 
    Posted by AmandaFarmer[/QUOTE]

    Amanda, WPs are not tit for tat.  You don't have to ask someone to be in your WP just because you were in theirs.  And I don't know anyone, anywhere who wouldn't understand choosing your sister as your MOH.

    As for FSIL:  I always go by this rule of thumb.  This woman is going to be your family for a long, long time.  She is going to be the aunt of your children.  You can exclude her from your WP, but be prepared to hear about it at every Thanksgiving dinner and July 4th BBQ for decades to come.  Unless her conduct has been really, really egregious, I'd recommend putting her into your WP.

    As for cutting someone else?  Why?   WPs, in the old days, were about symmetry.  Fortunately,  people have gotten so much smarter now and realize that friends and family are far more important than numbers or symmetry.  As soon as you let go of the idea of "even" sides, you'll be much happier.

    What will happen if you have one more BM than GM at your wedding?  At the end of the ceremony you'll be married if you have even sides.  You'll also be married if the sides are uneven.  So where's the problem?

    Good luck.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Trix.
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  • orangecrush32orangecrush32 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Trix is wise. :)
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Go Trix!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Trix covered it all!
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  • stina93446stina93446 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just because you're in your friends' wedding does not mean she needs to be in yours as the same role, or at all for that matter. You have to ask yourself "Do I want this girl as a bm?" That's it. If it were a requirement to have every single girl who asked you to be in their wedding to be in yours, we'd have some interesting bp, right?

    As for your FSIL, if you don't want her on your side, but you want her up there, have her on your FI side. She's his sister anyway.

    Oh and sides do not need to be even either. So you don't HAVE to demote a friend just to have your FSIL.
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  • squeakyducksqueakyduck member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If your fiance wants his sister to stand up, she can always stand on his side in either a tux, a black dress, or a dress that coordinates with the bridesmaids. Google mixed gender wedding parties. 

    If you guys really don't want to do that, ask her AND your friend. Sides don't have to be even, as PPs have said. 

    Good luck! 
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  • AmandaFarmerAmandaFarmer member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
     I'm young, its my first wedding(mine and I've never been to a wedding) and I was unaware of "mixed gender sides" or "uneven sides" thanks for the input, it was much appreciated. 
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Amanda, stick around.  This board and the Wedding Party board can give you lots of advice and feedback that will help you in your planning.  GL.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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