Another rude RSVP story

atkinsonm · August 2012

I just got an RSVP back from a distant relative of my fiance's. We invited a great-uncle and his wife at the request of grandma, even tho we have never met them. Thought we we being nice. They added "and brother so-and-so" to the RSVP!!! My fiance thinks this is fine, we should be happy to have people want to see us get married. I say, it's not family if you have never met them, and they are just looking for a free meal. I also heard thru the grapevine that another great aunt is planning on bringing her 3 adult children, their spouses and their kids- more people we have never met, and they most likely won't RSVP, just show up, so I don't even know how many. I was told not to call and politely say no- just to accommadate them! how can I when I don't know how many?! Grrr...

atkinsonm · August 2012

thanks- the frustration is from the fiance not wanting me to call- I already knew his extended family has no manners, I just expected him to back me up.

kmmssg · August 2012

Since he isn't buying off on not calling about Uncle Not Invited, have you guys chatted about what to do if the Great Aunt/Uncle bring their entire brood unannounced? We always host our kids weddings and do a seating chart. If they showed up like that to one of our weddings the only meals and chairs available would be for the Great Aunt and Uncle and I wouldn't budge. You guys better chat about how you will handle this now because you will find yourself a full table short of dinner service/linens when they show up.

Megbo2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-rude-rsvp-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:833c53c6-b61d-4a81-bea5-c62b45b5b507Post:b104a3c0-2aeb-4453-8267-5eeae567e0f8">Re: Another rude RSVP story</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a problem with the let it slide, as it is not fair to the other side of the family, if they do play by the rules. I think you need to say to Fiance, listen we agreed on guest list, and these people were not on it.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>If you don't think it's fair then you should tell him that. It is a slippery slope, once you start making exceptions then everyone will want one.</div>

naomi213 · August 2012

Wow, that's really ignorant. Especially the one bringing the entire family! With your great aunt and uncle though, you may consider if they are very old, they might need someone to drive/escort them to the wedding. I don't know. I don't mean to defend them but it might be worth letting the one go. Personally I would put my foot down on the other family though.

twotimemob · August 2012

My daughter's FI's family are used to weddings being "come one, come all" and they all bring crock pots and casseroles. However that is not the type of wedding the couple wanted. Because we anticipated the same problems as OP, we worded the RSVP's to say "___ seats have been reserved for you" - I am not particularly fond of the wording but it does get the point across.

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-rude-rsvp-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:833c53c6-b61d-4a81-bea5-c62b45b5b507Post:c5bfebea-54c5-4aaf-a7b3-d59cffc13175">Re: Another rude RSVP story</a>:
[QUOTE]My daughter's FI's family are used to weddings being "come one, come all" and they all bring crock pots and casseroles. However that is not the type of wedding the couple wanted. Because we anticipated the same problems as OP, w<strong>e worded the RSVP's to say "___ seats have been reserved for you" - I am not particularly fond of the wording but it does get the point across.</strong>
Posted by twotimemob[/QUOTE]

<div>Next time I have a kid get married, we are using this wording. I don't like it much either, but people are idiots when it comes to this issue. Fortunately, for this wedding, space and budget aren't a big concern so it's fine. But gah, get some manners, people. </div>

atkinsonm · August 2012

thanks everyone
I did think of the possibility that the brother is driving them, but just letting us know would make sense. I just found out that the one bringing her whole family is writing me a letter to tell me how many are coming, guess it would not fit on the RSVP. The one time I met this aunt, she was very rude to me, she wouldn't even say hello. I guess what hurts the most is she may actually bring more of her family than the number of my family members that will attend, b/c I just found my family in November (yay me!) but still don't know most of them. I invited less than 30 people (friends plus family) and he got 150, before the extras. I know the checkout lady at wal-mart better than we know these people, and it is way out of budget. They also have always had potluck weddings and they just don't get it! I have already lost this battle, tho, just glad that I'm not the only one who thinks they are ignorant. My dad said change the time or place at the last minute and only tell the people we like- I thought that was pretty funny. I also thought of naming my tables after dates we've been on, I could name one "the univited" like the horror movie...just kidding,thanks for letting me vent everyone

MSUalum08 · August 2012

in Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-rude-rsvp-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:833c53c6-b61d-4a81-bea5-c62b45b5b507Post:ec2ee1de-0c1f-4d2b-8114-9019d76a78fe">Re: Another rude RSVP story</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rude RSVP story : Next time I have a kid get married, we are using this wording. I don't like it much either, but people are idiots when it comes to this issue. Fortunately, for this wedding, space and budget aren't a big concern so it's fine. But gah, get some manners, people.
Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]

We had RSVP cards where we put the number of seats we had reserved for them and we actually had some people write over the number or cross it out and write a new one! Instead of calling one of us and asking if they could bring someone or have their kid drive them and attend, etc., they just took it upon themselves to adjust the numbers. Nice, huh? Good luck! It seems that no matter what you do, there will always be some people that are oblivious to what should be done, how much time and effort goes into a wedding, and how to appropriately handle the situation.

kmmssg · August 2012

OP, I like your dad.

For last DD's wedding we had RSVP nightmare hell. Her biomom's family is known to bring along a bunch of people and they have NO idea what proper wedding etiquette is. We had to go so far as put

2 seats have been reserved in your honor

John Smith will___ will not___ attend

Jane Smith will___ will not___ attend

We STILL had some add ons and had to make phone calls! We did not budge per DD and her now DH.

jennxrocks · August 2012

Some people just have no wedding etiquette what-so-ever. We have managed to keep our guest list at 100 people. We wanted it to be on the smaller side because we are paying for the wedding ourselves. Some people just do not understand why they can't bring who ever they want, and bring a friend, etc etc. Could you blame it on budget restraints that way no one has to be the bad guy??

Another rude RSVP story

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