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Rant: Family unsolicited family meddling

With the holidays just passing, I received the most brazen confrontation about our wedding party and I'm kind of pissed about it.

I had a moment alone with my aunt (my dad's sister) and she asked my why her granddaughter (my second cousin) wasn't in my wedding party. Then she proceeded to confront me and tell me that her granddaughter will probably be very disappointed that she's not in our wedding....but she's not going to say anything about it to anyone. I just kind of sat there and realized there were 2 ways I could handle it. The way we all want to handle crap like this and tell people to butt out or take the higher road and smooth out any differences of opinion. Even though I was seething about this, I took the higher road and explained that it was a matter of money that we choose to have a smaller bridal party.

I should really consider the source. This is the same woman that said that if I were to invite her sister (my other aunt) she wouldn't attend the wedding nor would any of my other family members. So in essence she is telling me who I can and can not invite.

The more I think about it the madder I get!!! I mean, really...how rude!!

Does anyone elses family feel it's their place to plan your wedding for you too?

When you're born in Chicago you're blessed and you're healed the first time you walk into Wrigley Field. My Bio

Re: Rant: Family unsolicited family meddling

  • edited December 2011

    Wow, that sounds awful.  2nd cousins definitely shouldn't expect to automatically be in the wedding party.


    I can relate because my sister/MOH (2 years youger) apparently felt like it was her job to announce to the extended family at Christmas dinner that I'm not having FGs and to let one of my cousins know that she is going to be a BM.  I'm getting married next December and haven't yet announced my bridal party (I just moved and returned to grad school recently, so I am making new friends that I might want to include, but haven't decided for sure). Although the cousin my sister told is in for sure, I'm also thinking of including one of the other cousins who was at the same Christmas party and I wanted to tell everyone around the same time so that no one feels they were a last minute addition. Also, when we were sitting down for dinner, she announced to a whole table full of relatives, "Who wants to give a toast at the wedding?!", even though she knows we only want the MOH and BM to toast.  All this came after I sat my sister down with my parents two days before and specifically asked her not to make comments at Christmas regarding what everyones role at the wedding was going to be. Of course, all the went out the window after she had a few drinks.

    Anyway, you're not the only one with loud-mouthed family members.  Glad to get that off my chest.

    Good luck

  • edited December 2011
    i would speak up and let her know this is your once in a life time day and not allow her to choose your guests.
  • edited December 2011
    That's ridiculous. This may sound awful, but IMO only people who are coughing up cash to pay for the wedding get a say in what happens that day. It seems like you may be ok to just ignore your aunt. To me it sounds like she's just trying to start drama!
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  • edited December 2011
    Wow!  I cannot believe someone would actually assert themselves that way.  Personally keeping peace is what was most important to me.  I would just let the comment about inviting specific people to drop.  If you invite your other anut and this aunt doesn't come, thats her deicision.  The people who love you will be there to support you NO MATTER WHAT.  As for the granddaughter - what age is she?  Could she be a flower girl?  Could she hand out programs?  Or can you talk to her to give her a special job?  I felt like I was leaving one of my cousins out so I had her hand me flowers I was presenting to the mothers and Mary (Catholic cereomony).  It was not a huge job but I think she loved the fact that I thought about her and included her. 

    Good Luck!
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