Pre-wedding Parties

Rehearsal Dinner


I know it's traditionally the groom's family that hosts the rehearsal dinner, but my FMIL hasn't brought it up once. Can I bring up the rehearsal dinner? I don't want them to think that we expect them to pay, but I also don't want to start planning it and have my FI's family feel left out of things.

Re: Rehearsal Dinner

  • I wouldn't bring it up. This whole tradition of who pays for what is old school IMO. Plan to pay for everything yourself and if someone can afford to and wants to contribute they will offer.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Talk to your FI. If he wants to, he should talk to his parents.
  • I went through the same issue with my FMIL....I tried to talk to my FH about it, but it wasn't much help so I mentioned it very lightly of course, to his sister, one of my BMs. I had to word it like I wasn't sure if she was able to contribute and happened to mention that the rehearsal dinner is traditionally paid for my groom's family

    It started off well in that they were going to cook and have the whole family help, but that turned into too much work apparently and turned into-let's rent out half of a fast food restaurant so everyone can come and my mom won't pay too much.....epic fail...

    So thanks for grandmas, my FHs grandmother heard about the whole thing and offered to pay.

    Ultimately, i think you should find a family member you can ask if your FH is no help. Tread lightly, but at least you can't say you didn't try. Also, I was prepared to pay out of pocket too if the whole thing backfired, so it was definitely worth it to me to ask.

    HTH
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-wedding-party-dillemmas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:77d7eaef-21f3-4722-a29a-a5947c0645baPost:46ed529c-0d61-45f4-913b-7d36d1b1f82d">Re: Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]I went through the same issue with my FMIL....I tried to talk to my FH about it, but it wasn't much help so I mentioned it very lightly of course, to his sister, one of my BMs. I had to word it like I wasn't sure if she was able to contribute and happened to mention that the rehearsal dinner is traditionally paid for my groom's family It started off well in that they were going to cook and have the whole family help, but that turned into too much work apparently and turned into-let's rent out half of a fast food restaurant so everyone can come and my mom won't pay too much.....epic fail... So thanks for grandmas, my FHs grandmother heard about the whole thing and offered to pay. Ultimately, i think you should find a family member you can ask if your FH is no help. Tread lightly, but at least you can't say you didn't try. Also, I was prepared to pay out of pocket too if the whole thing backfired, so it was definitely worth it to me to ask. HTH
    Posted by jennd37[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for the advice! :)
  • I agree that it is rude to een hint at asking (almost akin to asking for a shower!). My future inlaws never asked about the rehearsal dinner, and my mother is actually planning on hosting. If no one is offering to host it, you do. Keep in mind though that you don't need to have a rehearsal dinner if you don't have a rehearsal. :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-wedding-party-dillemmas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:77d7eaef-21f3-4722-a29a-a5947c0645baPost:86cbffdb-f50f-4698-9fdd-9e3773ea5cda">Re: Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's a huge faux pas to ask, or even hint.  It's the same as asking someone to give you money. The old traditions of who paid for what went out the window when couples stopped being married directly from their parents' home.  Be prepared to pay for yourselves until, and unless, the in-laws offer. They will do so without prompting if they are so inclined.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    If the bride's family is paying for the entire wedding, I think its pretty faux paux of the grooms family to not even offer a dime...i think its perfectly OK to hint and if you get no response, move on and pay yourself
  • I 100% don't expect anyone to pay for anything, just for the record. I'm just worried that I would offend my ILs if I just went about planning a rehearsal dinner without their consideration becuase they tend to be kind of traditional.
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