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Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...

Warning May Not be suitable for all readers!

OK....So uh a little bit of venting going on here.....I feel so frustrated right now and I have nobody to talk to, that is either going through the same thing as I am or understands...First let me tell you my situation, I have a big house hold. We all live together as a family meaning my dad, mom, fiance and yes my dad 's mother (GRANDMA). Not mention whose room is right next to mine, which is hard enough to deal with. LOL And don't say just move out...yeah right in this economy?
Here's the deal....been engaged since October last year and the wedding is October this year, everything so far has been going smoothly except for ordering my dress. The bridal store screwed up the color of the trim so they had redo it, but that is another post I'll write, anyways, I just got the dress in its right this time yeah! So I hope you can understand that I've been a little stressed for a couple of months. When the dress came in my mom on vacation so she is not here to help me try it on so I asked a friend who took pictures so I could see what I looked like.
I sent the pics to my family who are out of state who I will not see till the wedding,
my grandma got an email from my aunt saying she got the pics and she's excited..
apparently that pissed off my grandma so she came in my room asking for me  standing there and have me explain to here why everyone else got to see...here is the kicker... I did show here the dress right when it came in, I took a picture on my phone and showed it to her, so she did see it she just did not see it on me.  Which is understandable I guess but she can't wait for a f*cking  week till my mom gets back so they could both see it? Then she stands there and scolds me in front of my FI and I know shes gonna bitch about it to my dad and I have to hear from him like I always do. And I know I've been told to get her involved and I've been trying but she is so negative and she says hurtful things to me and she wonders why I don't want to talk to here a lot. (She is worse than my Mother!) My mom has been great about the whole wedding planning...To top it all off, I walk in the kitchen just to eat and my grandma says to me "Guess you and John don't have to worry about getting married cause the end of the world is coming this year" WTF!!!  How can you say that to your only granddaughter who is stressed enough and doing all she can not to go BRIDEZILLA on your ass. And I'm tired of hearing just because shes old give her a break, shes just like that..no...that's no excuse to be negative and hurtful on something that means a lot to me + she is not paying for anything my parents are. And trust me its not just the wedding she only has three grandchildren and I'm the only girl and the oldest...the others want nothing to do with her because shes such a downer. Now don't read this and think that I don't love her, of course I do, that's not the point. The point is I've Had It Up To Here....with Grandma.

Anyways who has the similar problem...anybody? Talk to me about it...love to hear it...

Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...

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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_up-herewith-grandma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbb4ec09-3163-4f4e-9719-79e7ade453a4Post:f35100c0-ba14-4b3d-82a5-300d952df9a2">Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Warning May Not be suitable for all readers! OK....So uh a little bit of venting going on here.....I feel so frustrated right now and I have nobody to talk to, that is either going through the same thing as I am or understands...First let me tell you my situation, I have a big house hold. We all live together as a family meaning my dad, mom, fiance and yes my dad 's mother (GRANDMA). Not mention whose room is right next to mine, which is hard enough to deal with. LOL And don't say just move out...yeah right in this economy? Here's the deal....been engaged since October last year and the wedding is October this year, everything so far has been going smoothly except for ordering my dress. The bridal store screwed up the color of the trim so they had redo it, but that is another post I'll write, anyways, I just got the dress in its right this time yeah! So I hope you can understand that I've been a little stressed for a couple of months. When the dress came in my mom on vacation so she is not here to help me try it on so I asked a friend who took pictures so I could see what I looked like. I sent the pics to my family who are out of state who I will not see till the wedding, my grandma got an email from my aunt saying she got the pics and she's excited.. apparently that pissed off my grandma so she came in my room asking for me  standing there and have me explain to here why everyone else got to see...here is the kicker... I did show here the dress right when it came in, I took a picture on my phone and showed it to her, so she did see it she just did not see it on me.  Which is understandable I guess but she can't wait for a f*cking  week till my mom gets back so they could both see it? Then she stands there and scolds me in front of my FI and I know shes gonna bitch about it to my dad and I have to hear from him like I always do. And I know I've been told to get her involved and I've been trying but she is so negative and she says hurtful things to me and she wonders why I don't want to talk to here a lot. (She is worse than my Mother!) My mom has been great about the whole wedding planning...To top it all off, I walk in the kitchen just to eat and my grandma says to me "Guess you and John don't have to worry about getting married cause the end of the world is coming this year" WTF!!!  How can you say that to your only granddaughter who is stressed enough and doing all she can not to go BRIDEZILLA on your ass. And I'm tired of hearing just because shes old give her a break, shes just like that..no...that's no excuse to be negative and hurtful on something that means a lot to me + she is not paying for anything my parents are. And trust me its not just the wedding she only has three grandchildren and I'm the only girl and the oldest...the others want nothing to do with her because shes such a downer. Now don't read this and think that I don't love her, of course I do, that's not the point. The point is I've Had It Up To Here....with Grandma. Anyways <strong>who has the similar problem...anybody?</strong> Talk to me about it...love to hear it...
    Posted by AnimePrincessBride2011[/QUOTE]

    a similar problem to what,  exactly?

    you and your FI need to move out of your parents' house, and you need to stop talking to family members about the wedding.

    if you can't afford your own place, you have no business getting married right now.
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    edited December 2011

    Are you going to keep living there after the wedding?

    image
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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    You and your grandma both need to get hobbies.
    image

    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    zsa - they already do have hobbies. B1tching at or about each other :)
    image
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    tesskerrtesskerr member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I kinda sorta understand. My Nanna had a stroke and lost her husband. She moved in with my uncle, his wife, and their daughter (her neice).
    We went overseas to visit them. My nanna said something like this to my cousin "Oh T (me) and A (my sis) are so thin and pretty. You should ask them what it's like to me like that" (my cousin is overweight). 
    Apparently she said tings like that all the time. I felt so embaressed. I was only 16 at the time, so just thought she was a bitch.

    My nanna has now moved to my city, and has to live in a home. I visit her regularly, and I have come to understand her more. I know when I am tired I get shitty and turn into a bitch. Imagine not having 100% control of your body, and losing your husband of 40 years. No wonder my nanna can be a bitch, I know I would be!

    So maybe your nanna has similar issues, she may have health issues that leave her in pain, she may have lost her husband. It doesn't mean she can be horrible to you, but you really do have to cut her some slack.

    Really the best thing for you guys to do is move out. Don't blame the economy, that's just stupid. Do you both have jobs? If not, find some! It doesn't matter if you have to rent a crappy little house, you will still be happier.

    I live in New Zealand, and it is super common to have flat mates. My mum and sister have one in the spare room to help pay rent (hers is $400 per week, cheap in her area). I live with my FI and a girl I used to work with. My FI is 25, I am 23 and flatmate is 21. Yes, she can drive me crazy, but she makes out rent cheaper ($370 per week). 

    It doesn't seem to be that popular in the states to live with other people, but sometimes you have to do these things, to help you and your FI get on your feet.
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    edited December 2011
    How old are you?  This seems very trivial and I agree, move out and stop sharing wedding related details. 

    Are you moving out after the wedding or is "this economy" going to play a role in adulthood?
    imageLilypie First Birthday tickers BFP #1 12/12/11 - Missed M/C 1/9/12 ~ BFP #2 4/5/2012
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    edited December 2011
    Marrying for love...not money.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_up-herewith-grandma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbb4ec09-3163-4f4e-9719-79e7ade453a4Post:2bbd8d66-ea1a-493d-ae8c-ed2a14010e3e">Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Marrying for love...not money.
    Posted by AnimePrincessBride2011[/QUOTE]

    This response does not make any sense in regards to the suggestions/advice you were given. 
    imageLilypie First Birthday tickers BFP #1 12/12/11 - Missed M/C 1/9/12 ~ BFP #2 4/5/2012
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_up-herewith-grandma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbb4ec09-3163-4f4e-9719-79e7ade453a4Post:2bbd8d66-ea1a-493d-ae8c-ed2a14010e3e">Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Marrying for love...not money.
    Posted by AnimePrincessBride2011[/QUOTE]

    translation: we're 18 years old, and neither of us has a job
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_up-herewith-grandma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbb4ec09-3163-4f4e-9719-79e7ade453a4Post:1b6a1b65-0aae-43b1-b778-10ca81eae75f">Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma... : translation: we're 18 years old, and neither of us has a job
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

    That was awesome.
    imageLilypie First Birthday tickers BFP #1 12/12/11 - Missed M/C 1/9/12 ~ BFP #2 4/5/2012
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_up-herewith-grandma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbb4ec09-3163-4f4e-9719-79e7ade453a4Post:1b6a1b65-0aae-43b1-b778-10ca81eae75f">Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma... : translation: we're 18 years old, and neither of us has a job
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

    This is a factual statement.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    crash2729crash2729 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_up-herewith-grandma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbb4ec09-3163-4f4e-9719-79e7ade453a4Post:2bbd8d66-ea1a-493d-ae8c-ed2a14010e3e">Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Marrying for love...<strong>not money</strong>.
    Posted by AnimePrincessBride2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yea. But one of you has to have some...you can't live with your parents forever.</div>
    image
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    Secretgurl9Secretgurl9 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think that PP were suggesting that you were getting married for money They were pointing out that getting married means being and acting like an adult. Times are tough right now, but after the wedding when you and your FI are trying to start a new life together, are you still planning on living with mom and dad? Are you still going to have to get scolded by Grandma? Granted, some "mothering" as it were, never wears off. But if you're old enough to get married you're old enough to be treated like an adult. That means moving out, establishing a house and possibly (depending on your plans) having kids. Maybe the reason Grandma scolds you is because she thinks you're still a kid, which taking from the fact you are still living at home full-time, that might be reasonable. It's hard enough to get my parents to let up on the babying, even though we are waiting until we have money to get married, we will be living together before I get married and will have established ourselves in some way, and I only live at home for 3-4 months of the year when I'm on break from school.

    As to the Grandma situation, explain that the pictures were for people who wouldn't get to see it in person before the wedding and considering she does get to see you in it in person before the wedding should be ample compensation. Then drop the subject. Stay calm and don't yell, as being rational might help them see you as an adult.

    That being said, if you don't have the money to at least be planning to move out in the near future or at least after the wedding, how do you expect to pay all the expenses associated with being married and starting a new life? Or are you expecting the parents to pay your way? I hope that's not the case, because that isn't really being an adult. That's not saying the parents can't help, like how they're paying for the wedding, but try to start forming your independence now, or you'll never get it.

    Then again, if PP are right and you are 18 and don't have a job, I would make the job priority one, not the wedding and not your Grandma's attitude.
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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_up-herewith-grandma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbb4ec09-3163-4f4e-9719-79e7ade453a4Post:2bbd8d66-ea1a-493d-ae8c-ed2a14010e3e">Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Marrying for love...not money.
    Posted by AnimePrincessBride2011[/QUOTE]

    You truly believe that making sure you have enoughmoney that you're not living as a child under someone else's roof and enmeshing them in your marriage in the process is 'marrying for money?'
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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_up-herewith-grandma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbb4ec09-3163-4f4e-9719-79e7ade453a4Post:2bbd8d66-ea1a-493d-ae8c-ed2a14010e3e">Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Marrying for love...not money.
    Posted by AnimePrincessBride2011[/QUOTE]

    You think Bon Jovi's <em>Livin' on a Prayer</em> sounds romantical, don't you?
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_up-herewith-grandma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbb4ec09-3163-4f4e-9719-79e7ade453a4Post:5acbf469-af5e-46d8-8f77-69999892afb1">Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Had It Up To Here....with Grandma... : You think Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer sounds romantical, don't you?
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
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