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HELP!!

tcodonertcodoner member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids

So my mom never had a "real" wedding...her and my dad got married at the justice of the peace due to...me (she was pregnant).  So now it's my turn to get married and my entire fam is having a great time with the planning.  My mom recently asked my dad if its ok with him to walk me down the aisle together, he told her its ok with him.  I really don't have much of a opinion, I mean, they are my parents.  My fiance completely hates the idea...he says that he wants to keep that traditional, as far as my father walking me down the aisle.  What should I do?  My dad says its my wedding, I should do what my fiance and I want to do, but I don't want my mom to be upset.  My fiance says I am trying to compensate for my mom not having a "wedding"...he may be right but, then again, it is my mom.

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Re: HELP!!

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I don't think this is your FI's call.  I think it's your decision who escorts you down the aisle.   As for the "it's traditional" argument:  in Jewish weddings, the bride is escorted by both parents.

    As long as you, your mom, and your dad are all on board. I think your FI is out of line.  And I'm surprised that he'd want to start married life by p!ssing off his new MIL.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your FI has no say in who walks you down the aisle (just like if he wants to escort his mom), this is totally your decision. My aunt and uncle got to walk my cousin down for her wedding so its not a huge deal, I've seen it done and didn't think anything of it. If you really want your mom to walk you down then go ahead and do it.
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    RoxysMamaRoxysMama
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    There is no "traditional" when it comes to walking down the aisle. You should do what ever you feel most comfortable with whether that means both your parents, just your dad, or even walking alone..it is up to you because it is your entrance, just like Autumn said he can choose how he comes in and so can you. good luck!
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Not his call.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You decide who walks you down the aisle. If he still wants to marry you he will get over it.
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I think your fiance should stay out of this one.
                       
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cdf0f25c-38e5-425b-8e94-349661d1d7ffPost:c6203ba6-2989-4dc1-9676-06e72c97d47b">Re: HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE] As for the "it's traditional" argument:  in Jewish weddings, the bride is escorted by both parents.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
    This is exactly what I was going to say!

    Tell him it <span style="font-style:italic;">is</span> a tradition.

    What if (heaven forbid) you didn't have a father to walk you down at all? Would your fiance try to, like, resurrect your father so it will be traditional?

    As far as your mother goes, that does kinda suck. My friend had that happen to her. Her mom became an AW and part of it was insisting she, too, walk her daughter down the aisle.
    So the question remains, what do <span style="font-style:italic;">you</span> want?
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    ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I sense a greater issue here:

    What commonly happens in wedding planning (mine included) is the bride and her family get completely gung ho and crazy about the planning. "I picked this color, I want the groomsmen to match. I like this food better. I've always dreamed of getting married outside. What do you think, honey?" Etc. Gallantly, the groom usually acquiesces to every request. But there's always a point where he starts to feel like you don't care about what he thinks about anything.

    If your mother did the Justice of the Peace deal (mine did too, so I feel your pain), you get a double dose of insanity because no matter how hard she may be fighting it, she is doing things vicariously. She's probably not even aware of it.

    You said your fiance said you're just trying to compensate for your mother not having a "real wedding" (whatever that means). And you halfway admitted it. Which tells me that most likely (as you've said) your family is taking complete control and your FI has probably been able to put in no input. I doubt he's been asked more than a couple times for his opinion. And asking him after you've already made a decision ("Sweetie, I just picked out these favors online and I think they're fantastic! What do you think?) is completely loaded and doesn't count.

    No, it's not really his call over who walks you down the aisle. But I doubt ANYTHING has been his call thus far from what you've described. He's most likely frustrated and has chosen this particular thing to lash out on. Yes, guys might not be as nearly absorbed by the wedding as girls, but that's not always true and men in general like to think their opinions mean something, especially to their wives. I bet if you asked him nicely how he feels about how the planning is going along, he's going to respond rather imbittered about how no one seems to care what he (the other half of the reason for this wedding, mind you) thinks.

    That's my two (three, four, fifty) cents.
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    hotchk719hotchk719 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Totally agree with PP - it all depends on if he has been involved in decision making or it has been your family which it sounds like it has been.  Either way I do think he has a say b/c it is about the both of you and what the both of you want - not your mom. I know about the mom thing b/c my mom tries to control mine b/c her mother controlled hers and hers before her.  Honestly, if you don't care try talking with your man and maybe you guys can come to some sort of compromise - is there something you can bargain with that maybe he wanted and you vetoed? If not compromise with your mom.  Good luck!
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    CWill16CWill16
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think that is his call.

    And let me tell you about this tradition.. it came from women being thought of as property and the father was "giving away his daughter" AKA his property to the groom so now the bride is his property. I am not saying your FI sees you as property by any means, but that is where the tradition came from.

    I think having both parents is a great way to honor them both :)
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    Josh+ShannonJosh+Shannon
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am getting married in a very old Catholic Cathedral and they SUGGESTED that my mom and dad walk me together. I'm walking myself - long story - but I can't imagine anything more "traditional" then a catholic cathedral's rules!
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    bellashaunteebellashauntee
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Josh+Shannon, that is strange that they suggested that both parents walk you down the aisle. It's actually Catholic tradition for the Bride and Groom to walk down the aisle for the reason that CWill wrote about. I am having a Catholic wedding and they will not allow my father to walk me down the aisle.
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