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Bride's maids' gifts/ slightly venting

I need an opinion about how much is too much for bride's maids and how little is too little.
My current plan is to buy customized spanish fans for my maids to walk down the aisle with. They aren't cheap, and I figure since they are not flowers that will eventually wilt, this could be considered a present. I am also purchasing their jewelry, necklace and earring set. I consider this to be also a part of their gifts for being my maids. In the end this will cost roughly around $65. Should I buy something else? Or does that qualify as a good gift for them?
I am spending more on my maid of honor. She has been so awesome so far, which is exactly why I picked her. She has stood up for me and held her ground for me and my decisions.
I have one bride's maid that feels I should buy her diamonds for her participation. I think this has to do with the wedding she was previously in where the bride bought all her maids matching diamond earrings and necklace, small, but pretty.
I'm not made of money and I worry of insulting anyone. I've already had minor issues with my maids over dresses, guests, and spending money for my wedding. I worry if I don't purchase enough or something they won't like, they will be disappointed and feel gilted.
My one bride's maid seems to be giving me the most issues about spending money, bringing a guest, and the date of my bachelorette party. She even said to me "who cares about the dress? I won't ever wear it again." Understandable, but I let my maids pick their dresses. I didn't pick a dress and say wear it. She is also the one expecting diamonds from me.
I feel so guilty right now. Like I am forcing them to do things they don't want to and I  really am afraid of disappointing them with my gifts.
Any advice is welcome, good and bad.

Re: Bride's maids' gifts/ slightly venting

  • Well, first of all, anything that is a part of their costume is not a gift, so your jewellery and especially the fans are not gifts.  The fans are replacing flowers, so they should for sure not be gifts.

    I would get them each something personal on top of the jewellery.  It doesn't need to be expensive, but it should be thoughful and personal, not the same for each girl (unless they all love the same thing) and not for the wedding. 
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited January 2012
    In Response to Bride's maids' gifts/ slightly venting:
    I need an opinion about how much is too much for bride's maids and how little is too little. My current plan is to buy customized spanish fans for my maids to walk down the aisle with. They aren't cheap, and I figure since they are not flowers that will eventually wilt, this could be considered a present. I am also purchasing their jewelry, necklace and earring set. I consider this to be also a part of their gifts for being my maids. In the end this will cost roughly around $65. Should I buy something else? Or does that qualify as a good gift for them? I am spending more on my maid of honor. She has been so awesome so far, which is exactly why I picked her. She has stood up for me and held her ground for me and my decisions. I have one bride's maid that feels I should buy her diamonds for her participation. I think this has to do with the wedding she was previously in where the bride bought all her maids matching diamond earrings and necklace, small, but pretty. I'm not made of money and I worry of insulting anyone. I've already had minor issues with my maids over dresses, guests, and spending money for my wedding. I worry if I don't purchase enough or something they won't like, they will be disappointed and feel gilted. My one bride's maid seems to be giving me the most issues about spending money, bringing a guest, and the date of my bachelorette party. She even said to me "who cares about the dress? I won't ever wear it again." Understandable, but I let my maids pick their dresses. I didn't pick a dress and say wear it. She is also the one expecting diamonds from me. I feel so guilty right now. Like I am forcing them to do things they don't want to and I  really am afraid of disappointing them with my gifts. Any advice is welcome, good and bad.
    Posted by teacupkat
    Diamonds??? Seriously???

    Here's the bottom line:  The amount that you are comfortable spending is the amount that you spend.  If it's not enough for someone, then they are the one with the problem.  One more thing: What you are requiring them to wear or carry for the wedding is not any part of their gift.
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • I am purchasing purses for the MOH, BM and flower girls; but it's in a range I'm comfortable spending and I'm not reaching for an unrealistic number.

    I'm giving them the purses on the day of the wedding, but I considered them gifts because it isn't necessarily a part of their attire. The bouquets are, but I'm using them as centerpieces at the reception; I'm sure they would prefer small clutches at the wedding instead of hoisting around flowers.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Accessories for the wedding are not gifts to them.  You need to get them an actual gift.

    If you cannot afford the fans, skip them.  If you cannot afford the jewelry, ask them to wear their own.  But neither of those things are gifts.
  • edited January 2012
    I agree that anything they have to wear for the wedding or carry for the wedding is not a gift.

    But if you are tight on money then how about hosting a bridal luncheon or dinner for them either before or even shortly after the wedding to thank them for all their help and support and for being a bridesmaid.  Make it a special event and they will feel special.  And no matter what you do try not to talk about the wedding to much during their special event.  Try to talk about what is going on in their lives, relationships etc
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  • I didnt have alot of money...so i added a personal touch to mine. I got all my girls standard flip flops (i knew their shoe sizes from buying their shoes for the wedding) and then decorated them with their names and stuff with a canvas tote bag again that i used a special paint and iron on stuff to personalize it.

    I think as long as it comes from the heart and is not required for the wedding day, it should mean a lot to them.
  • I agree that the jewelry and fans are kind but do not constitute a gift because they are to be used for your wedding. Also, are you not allowing your bridesmaid to bring a guest? If not, you may want to reconsider.
  • I partly agree that what they carry in the wedding is not really a gift. But, depending on what kind of jewelry and how versatile it is, I would maybe consider that a gift, but not if it's a "I want to be sure that you all are wearing the same exact jewelry at my wedding" kind of thing. If you're short on cash, then let them wear their own jewelry.

    Personally, I am only spending probably $20-$25 for each of my 5 bridesmaids (including my sister, who is my MOH), and it blows my mind that you're feeling pressured into buying them all jewelry PLUS an expensive gift! My FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, on a USAF and a veterinary student salary, so needless to say, we have a small budget. My plan is to get something practical that can be personalized for each of them, and those types of things can be not only personable but pretty inexpensive too.

    If your bridesmaids are your friends, they will understand your budget and it would just be, to put it bluntly, bitchy of them to complain about the gift you give them. I'm sure they accepted the position as your bridesmaids because they care about you, not for the gift they're going to receive in return. My point is, don't sweat it! There are bigger things for you to worry about in wedding planning than if your girls (who SHOULD be happy with anything you get them) will be disappointed with their gift.

    Best of luck!

  • In Response to Re: Bride's maids' gifts/ slightly venting:
    I didnt have alot of money...so i added a personal touch to mine. I got all my girls standard flip flops (i knew their shoe sizes from buying their shoes for the wedding) and then decorated them with their names and stuff with a canvas tote bag again that i used a special paint and iron on stuff to personalize it. I think as long as it comes from the heart and is not required for the wedding day, it should mean a lot to them.
    Posted by kaitlyn&henry
    This.  I got each of my girls a bag with their name on it, and a picture of something they like.  I got one a journal with her name on it (she loves to keep track of things), and a cute pen.  They are both getting perfume (I know the smells they usually go for.) and I am getting my MOH a new makeup bag and brush set.  They are both getting picture frames to match their rooms to put a picture of whatever they wish in.

    Point of it is:  If they are really that concerned about getting expensive gifts for being in a wedding, they need to rethink themselves.  A wedding is a celebration, not a milestone birthday.
  • The girl expecting diamonds is ridiculous - shop for your girls as if you were shopping for them for Christmas or for their birthday 
  • As PPs mentioned, anything you are requiring them to wear for the wedding is not a gift. If that's what you can afford, give them the jewelry and fans as a gift and don't make them wear it if they don't want to.

    I think it's pretty rude of your bridesmaids to demand a certain gift, especially something as expensive as diamonds. Don't let it bother you too much--there's nothing wrong with not being able to afford diamonds for them.

    If you decide to get each girl a gift, as PPs said, it doesn't have to be expensive, but it should be personal to each girl. One of my best friends gave me a snowglobe as a bridesmaids gift because she knows I love them. It was engraved with, "You don't go to college to meet your husband, you go to meet your bridesmaids." I almost cried when I opened it. Much better than diamonds!
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  • I think I'm a pretty low-maintenence bridesmaid... I consider jewelry or anything the bride gives me to wear on the wedding day a gift and would never resent not getting anything more considering how much the bride is already spending on her special day. 
  • I planned to spend $100 on each of my 6 bridesmaids (includes MOH) and my fiances 6 groomsma (including BM).  Because we decided what we wanted early on I was able to look for sales and get things cheaper than if I had waited until a month before so I actually only spent about $65 on each bridesmaid and $70 on each groomsman.

    Spend where you are comfortable, this is a gift to thank them for being in the wedding.  If you're crazy bridesmaid says anything to you about the gift just say "I'm so sorry you don't like the GIFT I just gave you, but I want to make you happy, please let me fix it" then take the gift and walk away - shes being rude and making you feel guilty - very wrong
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