Wedding Etiquette Forum

Do people understand proper invitation addressees?

And actually how do you say it?
Ms. and Mr. John Doe - for adults only
Ms. and Mr. John Doe and family
Mr. John Doe family - or do you list the children's names?
We are inviting the children of our immediate family and only the adults of our extended family and friends.  How do you word this properly on the invitation?  I know at some point someone will be offended, I am just wondering the proper way to word it so that once they google etiquette for wedding invitations they look silly instead of me..... :)
I do not want to put "adult reception" because there will be children there.  Just not all children....  And I know enough to make a clean cut of children in the "bridal party" and nieces and nephews.

Re: Do people understand proper invitation addressees?

  • I'm more concerned with those whose children aren't invited than those who are.  I'm dreading the RSVP for an entire family when the adults were the only ones addressed in the invite.  
  • Mr. and Ms. John Doe- if only adults invited
    The Doe Family is OK if you want to include all of the children.  However, be aware that some people may take it as mom, dad, kids, grandma & grandpa and Aunt Mabel.  If you have inner envelopes you can write the name of each person invited on the inner envelope.

    You should never put "adults only" or "adult Reception" (which to me sounds like there may be stripper poles involved) on an invitation.  This highlights who is not invited and that is very rude.

    For other addressing situations you can Google wedding invitation etiquette and there are a number of websites that will help you with proper addressing etiquette.  Cranes and Emily Post are among the best.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-people-understand-proper-invitation-addressees?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11dc0c87-a96e-4455-87b0-dbfdb1dbc44ePost:60aec751-4bf4-4a92-8952-f9aec60e8c57">Re: Do people understand proper invitation addressees?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just address it to the people who are invited. If they respond with extras, just call, apologize for the confusion, and explain the invitation wasn't intended for the kids. If they say that then thay can't come, say you will miss them. We didn't have a single person respond with an uninvited guest, child or otherwise.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
    Classy answer, thank you for your input :)  I appreciate it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-people-understand-proper-invitation-addressees?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11dc0c87-a96e-4455-87b0-dbfdb1dbc44ePost:2f2210f5-d775-4e83-b1b2-2c9c6f1873d5">Re: Do people understand proper invitation addressees?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mr. and Ms. John Doe- if only adults invited The Doe Family is OK if you want to include all of the children.  However, be aware that some people may take it as mom, dad, kids, grandma & grandpa and Aunt Mabel.  If you have inner envelopes you can write the name of each person invited on the inner envelope. You should never put "adults only" or "adult Reception" (which to me sounds like there may be stripper poles involved) on an invitation.  This highlights who is not invited and that is very rude. For other addressing situations you can Google wedding invitation etiquette and there are a number of websites that will help you with proper addressing etiquette.  Cranes and Emily Post are among the best.
    Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]
    As I assume you saw, I would rather not put "adults only."  However, google offers a lot of those options.  I appreciate your help.  It's niece Mabel, not Aunt Mabel though.  I think the naming of the children on the inner envelope should solve the confusion.  Thank you for your help!
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2012
    Inviting just Mr. and Mrs. Doe:  Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

    Inviting Mr. and Mrs. Doe and their three kids from oldest to youngest:
    Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
    Kaitlin, Cristin, Kevin

    You really should not use AND FAMILY, because in some areas, like my area, the use of AND FAMILY means ANYONE IN THE FAMILY who wants to come.  Like say your best friend is Mary Jones and she's married to Ralph Jones. 

    Well, MR. AND MRS. RALPH JONES AND FAMILY would mean that Mary and Ralph could bring Mary's widowed mother and Mary's spinster sister and Ralph's sister and her husband.
  • if you have two envelopes:

    Outer:
    Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

    Inner:
    Mr. and Mrs. Doe
    Miss Susie Doe
    Mr. Bobby Doe

    if you only have one envelope:

    Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
    Miss Susie Doe
    Mr. Bobby Doe

    id avoid "and family" particularly if you have some cases where kids arent invited and in ohters the kids are invited.

    anyone over 18 gets their own invite regardless of whether htey live at home or not.
  • I agree with Liatris that you just need to be prepared to make calls if people respond with extras.  In our case, we had no one not understand (or willfully ignore) the fact that their kids were not invited, but we did have someone note on the RSVP card that she was upset her "young adults" were not invited.  

    Also, traditional addressing is "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe," not what you listed, OP.  Crane's website is good for looking up various addressing combos (where one is a doctor, reverend, etc.).  
  • I would avoid using "and Family" because some think it refers to extended family. On the front of the envelope it should say Mr. and Mrs. Smith, underneath it should list the children invited in order from the oldest to the youngest. 

    When you invite children it is typically a good idea to have some kind of formula, such as only siblings children, only guests over 16 or 18 or something similar. Guests will be pissed to know you allowed some children and not theirs.
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
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