Wedding Etiquette Forum

Invited last time ... but not this time

I'm getting married in April and it's going to be a 45-50 guest wedding. It's my second marriage, and at my first wedding I had over 140 guests. We don't want that many people this time, nor am I friendly enough with all of those people to invite them. However, I know that once invites go out, word will travel and there will be some hurt feelings. What is the proper way to handle guests that won't be invited this time around? 

Thanks!

Re: Invited last time ... but not this time

  • edited December 2012
    I would be happy to not be invited to a second wedding if I already went to the first one and gave a gift, but that's just me. To come to you and ask why one isn't invited to a wedding is extremely rude. If someone is so bold as to ask such a thing, then you tell them it is a small ceremony and unfortunately you couldn't invite everyone you wish you could. Also, you should consider changing your screen name to one more anonymous in the name of internet safety. eta: typo
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  • I reallly don't think most people would question this.  Second weddings are always significantly smaller events and I'm sure that if someone did catch wind that you're getting married again that they would just be happy for you that you found love once again and not be upset that they weren't invited.


  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I agree people will understand it is a smaller event.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I agree with the PP.  It would be rude to ask, but should anyone ask, just say that you are having a small ceremony/reception and regrettably, could not include everyone you would like to share in your special day.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-last-time-but-not-this-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:23ae58e0-da5b-4a9f-acbc-f728f91adc08Post:6f47e632-7363-4e04-a200-87fc98cae5b1">Re: Invited last time ... but not this time</a>:
    [QUOTE]I reallly don't think most people would question this.  Second weddings are always significantly smaller events and I'm sure that if someone did catch wind that you're getting married again that they would just be happy for you that you found love once again and not be upset that they weren't invited.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]



    No, second weddings are not "always significantly smaller" nor should they be. My first wedding had 13 people, second wedding had 80. A second wedding can be everything that a first wedding is -- any size, any level of formality, any theme, any color dress, any number of attendants.

    OP, I wouldn't worry about offending people who won't be invited this time around. They probably know that they are not as close to you now. Not to mention that your first husband's "side" won't be there, but instead your new husband's "side" will be -- it is an entirely different guest list for an entirely different event. If anyone is rude enough to ask, you can say something like "we're trying to keep it small" or "it will be a private ceremony" or "due to space/budget we can't invite everyone we would like."
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    There's no rule requiring that the same people be invited to each wedding of the same person.
  • Thank you to everyone for your input, this is all really good to hear. I have been worried about offending people or making people feel left out. Personally, it wouldn't bother me if the tables were turned, but I am sensitve about it haha. Thanks again!!
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