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August 2010 Weddings

Still shocked!

Fi has this friend who was his HS sweetheart. They were together for 4 years in three years of HS and first of college. Then she broke up with FI, and broke his heart, but after a couple of years, they made up and remained friends (some 9 years since break up now). 

She is divorced. She started dating her ex about a year after breaking up with FI and they married after four years together.  Two years later they got divorced.

This was shocking news to FI, and really kinda eye opening, because of all friends he had in HS, she was the only one married at 25 and they really looked happy.  A year before the break up they were talking about putting money aside to buy an apartment and have  a kid... then they broke up. FI could not believe it, and we remained frineds with her... she was devastated and all...

Today, Fi breaks this story to me - apparently about two years before their wedding, she got pregnant with her to-be-husband and had an abortion.  My jaw dropped when FI told me.  I am sorta on the fence with the pro-life debate... I do not agree that people should have any say into your body and what you do with it... but I also know a girl who treats abortion as her contraceptive method, she had 5 and counting... I mean, that is just ridiculous (and maybe I am judging!) 

I am just shocked that this girl was with her to be husband, had his baby, and aborted it.. and now I keep thinking... maybe after a years of silence on the topic, with other reasons as well, this just helped him make the decision to divorce? I am really shocked... needed to spit this out...

Re: Still shocked!

  • Are you shocked she had an abortion or that she had one with a the guy she was about to be married? Honestly, it's more common than people thing - we just don't know because not everyone is open to talking about it. There's so much shame cast on a woman or girl who has an abortion. I agree with you that it should NOT be used as a contraception. But you never know what the reasonings were. I don't doubt this played heavily in their marriage. It's a sensitive subject. How sad.
  • edited May 2010
    Most abortions are actually done for women who are married and have already had children. It isn't really the young unwed girl they try to make you picture. It should be people's choice on what they do with their bodies, but 5 abortions...

    JAIMELODY is right, there is shame put upon women who make this tough decision and who are any of us to judge? We all have different beliefs, different life experiences and reason for doing what we think is right for us at that time. We all are just trying to do the best we can without having to worry about people judging us or thinking badly of us. Maybe this woman made the best decision in her life. It may be surprising, but a lot of women don't regret this choice.
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  • just an FYI, abortion IS a method of contraception. in fact worldwide it's the #1 method. and it doesn't matter if it's legal or illegal, women still have them. that being said, who are you to judge her for having one? just because she was with her to be husband doesn't mean it was the right time to have a child. people have abortions for all sorts of different reasons. it might have played into the divorce, but it also might not have. abortion actually isn't as psychologically significant as people want to believe it is to women. most women are perfectly fine after having one, and having a severe negative reaction is actually quite rare. so i would go with no, it probably had nothing to do with the divorce. 

    and a lot more women have abortions than you think. about 1 in 50 women annually have an abortion in the US, and about 40% of all known pregnancies end in abortion. so yea, it's pretty common. 
  • psichick - I do not really judge her, we are still friends with her... I guess I was just shocked that every now and then I find out new things about her that I would have never expected... that's what shock is - a feeling of being very surprised upon the news you did not expect? i dunno, you name it.

    Come to think of it - when I was the age when she had her abortion, I was dating this dude who, at that time, I thought I would marry in some 2 years. Then things changed and we broke up... it is quite possible that I would have wished to get one, if I got pregnant with him... Fi is super against abortions that are used as a preventive method to bringing a child to life...

    One thing I disagree with is - abortion is NOT a contraceptive method - conception means the actual connection of the two gamets, and creating a fetus that then becomes a baby - abortion does not prevent that, it prevents what that fetus becomes - a live human... The statistic you gave is really sad, but then, I am really not sure what is good or bad here... do we really want to have more unwanted children in this world? or wanted, but brought to this world by the mothers/parents who are too young or unable to raise them? I am not that sure. 

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