Vent-Age your getting married

emily.ayala · March 2010

"But I'm guessing you totally missed that day in Mature Responsible Adult School. I heard there was a sale at Forever 21 going on." - megk8oz

best.response.ever.

Simply Fated · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-age-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c25b625-2160-4c57-b379-9115102a068dPost:a98f07b6-c0da-4395-8aa9-895a2eb07923">Re: Vent-Age your getting married</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married : Thank you! I didn't care about anything else in this post once I saw the title.
Posted by prideeinpynk[/QUOTE]

The title of this topic made me think it was a joke...

So I opened it up, expecting one of the regulars here to be having a laugh... but then I read on...

First sentence:
"Is anyone else utterly sick of being questioned about why there getting married so young?"

Samwise16 · March 2010

I'm almost 23 (aka pretty young) and I have only had ONE person ask why I'm getting married at a young age (for the record, it was someone I barely know). Like other PP's said, this is a maturity issue not an age issue.

I'm glad someone pointed out the difference between their, they're, and there. Goodness... Your typing makes my head hurt. (See there? I just used the proper word in both instances. It's not that hard.)

nicholssquared · March 2010

People have to do what is right with their own lives. At the same time, the people who know you best have a right to be concerned about you if they don't think you are mature enough, or if they think you might have fiscal constraints. I will be 20 when I get married, my FI will be 21. I have heard many different opinions from my family about this, and I respect them all. In the end, however, it is my right to choose when I get married and to whom. Knowing this helps me feel less annoyed when I feel people dont understand.

I agree with everyone about the money issue. It's traditional for parents to host the event. However, if it wasn't offered, then it would be rude to ask. Also, not wise to put yourself in the poor house for a wedding. As for where maturity is concerned, it is good to type with correct english. However, there may or may not be a correlation between typos and being ready to get married, so I'm not going to read into it too much.

sgervais88 · March 2010

I am currently 20 and my FI is 19, and we will be 22 and 21 when we get married. So this might make me biased. Oh well

I think the issue isn't about age; it is about maturity. And the fact that you are not willing to postpone your wedding ("for the 100th time"), even though you are out of a job and having financial difficulties, tells me that you may not be the most responsible/mature person to get married.

This is just my opinion though. Get angry and send me some snappy comebacks if you want to. But the fact remains that you are trying to "prove" your maturity by throwing out what all you own (cars, houses, etc), but throwing out rude comments (the one about divorce court for instance) really just proves PPs right.

aprovencher21 · March 2010

I still have people commenting on how young I am to be getting married.....I'm sometimes surprised by this since I'm 25! In my social circles a lot of people aren't getting married till they are in their 30s....while that's more than fine for them my age right now is perfect for me. I get what the other poster's are saying....age is sometimes just a number but maturity and an individual's response to everyday stressors (i.e. unexpected bills, losing a job, etc.) is a pretty clear indicator about whether or not someone is ready to be an adult and get married. My fiance and I were going to get married 2 years ago....he lost his job and I was just starting graduate school so we put things off till we were financially secure. We've been very very lucky that my parents want (and insist) on paying for 90% of the wedding.....we are so thankful but I would have dealt fine with planning the wedding with our savings. I would never ask my parents to foot the bill and certainly not my grandparents!

I also have no clue how two full time students with only one job between them has a house and 2 cars. Something doesn't add up.

MyLoverly · March 2010

We weren't saying that there was anything wrong in having your parents paying for the wedding. People are saying that it's wrong to ask your parents/grandparents/relatives for money. It's not a problem if they offer, it's a problem to ask.

I believe the OP said earlier that her parents and others offered financial assistance that she turned down at the time. After a job loss (she didn't say she was fired!) it turned out she came up a little short and went to those that offered to see if the offer still stood.

As far as your age goes, I feel it is not only rude but also quite arrogant for strangers to have an opinion at all! I speak from experience here as my 19 year old is engaged to the most wonderful 21 year old man, truly her best friend and they will marry when she is 21 and he 23. My 24 year old also spent the last 5 years with her 30 year old boyfriend and he is just not right for her no matter his age! I bet I can get you thousands of women my age who will tell you the beginning of their marriages, when things were tough and they were both growing, living on love was the best time of their lives!

Jamie025 · March 2010

GO FOR IT! We are both 18 right now and we have been together for 3 years we know its what we want and by the time we get married ill be 20 and he will be 19. I mean both of our parents and grandparents were this young so while they were shocked they are very supportive. We are asking for money help from both our parents, isn't that what a wedding is about, everyone helping put it together!?! everyone needs to stop getting down on you about this one. If your in love and you know its what u want then why wait, in the end its your choice and no one can stop you.

Good Luck!!

Jamie025 · March 2010

p.s.
Almost everyone on here is rude!! People are on here to get GOOD advice and see what other ppl are going through. This is a magical day that most of us have been dreaming about our entire life and its a big deal that we hold close to our hearts. I don't get why ppl call themselves the 'regulas' or whatever and put ppl down I mean really is that all you have to do?! Your the ones who need to grow up and face reality that it is not cool to put ppl down over something that means the world to them. I mean really, go do something else productive with your time!

Labrnr · March 2010

ok I got married at the age of 19, I dated my BF for 4 years prior. We had our first child 4 years after we were married. (I thought we did everything right) EVERYONE told me I was too young to get married, I didn't listen, becuase "I was in Love". Skip 7 years later, at the young age of 26 and two children later I found myself not "In Love" married to someone that was completly opposite of me. I was miserable, I didn't want a divorce, I didn't want to seperate my "family" for the kids sake. I wished I would of listened to the people telling me I was too young, but at the same time if I did I wouldn't have two beautiful children. So complicated. A few years ago, I took an abnormal phychology class and learned that the "common sense part of the brain" can't remember what the actual name is, doesn't develope fully until you reach the age of 25. This, and my life experience, is why I truly believe that you shouldn't get married until you reach that age. Now, having said that I'm sure there are cases out there where the couple will survive and have a long lasting loving marriage whether they get married at a young age or not. For your sake I hope this is true for you and your FI. I do not wish the guilt, and heartache that I went through in my life on anyone. I'm not sure what or if there is any process to your wedding planning that involves "communication", "expectations", "future goals", but perhaps this would be a good way to show to "the people who think you are too young to get married" that you and FI are ready and have thought about ALL the things that could go wrong. Just some friendly advice to think about from someone that has been your shoes before.

nhelene · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-age-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c25b625-2160-4c57-b379-9115102a068dPost:ea738efc-a1a9-4e45-99f0-be7f6cfd2550">Re: Vent-Age your getting married</a>:
[QUOTE]A few years ago, I took an abnormal phychology class and learned that the "common sense part of the brain" can't remember what the actual name is, doesn't develope fully until you reach the age of 25. This, and my life experience, is why I truly believe that you shouldn't get married until you reach that age. Posted by Labrnr[/QUOTE]

I've heard from people with very similar stories to yours, and they've all said the same thing: "We just weren't the same two people we were when we met"

jajph1974 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-age-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c25b625-2160-4c57-b379-9115102a068dPost:1c791c34-90ce-41f0-a550-96904d77d9df">Re: Vent-Age your getting married</a>:
[QUOTE]GO FOR IT! We are both 18 right now and we have been together for 3 years we know its what we want and by the time we get married ill be 20 and he will be 19. I mean both of our parents and grandparents were this young so while they were shocked they are very supportive. We are asking for money help from both our parents, isn't that what a wedding is about, everyone helping put it together!?! everyone needs to stop getting down on you about this one. If your in love and you know its what u want then why wait, in the end its your choice and no one can stop you. Good Luck!!
Posted by Jamie025[/QUOTE]

It's fine if your parents offer to pay for the wedding, but to ask for money is very poor etiquette.

Personally, I think if someone is mature enough to get married they should be able to pay for it themselves and not have to ask for a hand-out to have a pretty princess day.

But I'm old. What do I know?

Cass987 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-age-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c25b625-2160-4c57-b379-9115102a068dPost:7b9662cc-acf9-4ba0-91ed-ae0e5b96ca20">Re: Vent-Age your getting married</a>:
[QUOTE]Please, before you get married, learn how to communicate properly. Your title should use "you're", which is a contraction of you and are. Also, please learn the difference between there, their, and they're. You think I'm nitpicking, but to me that is a sign of ignorance and immaturity. Perhaps this is what others are seeing too, and why they are making comments. I'm 31. I couldn't imagine being married to the guy I was with 10 years ago, even though we were together for 6 years. Its different for everyone, but now I'm really glad I waited and grew up some first.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this! The person I was with 10 years ago (and had been with for a few years at that time) I could never see myself being with today! I'm a very different person now vs who I was back then. I've entered my career, been to war for three years, lived in Eastern Europe for nearly two years and so much more while he has never left his small town in the mid-west. I could never relate to him anymore because of how life has changed me.That being said, I'm not saying someone can't get married at age 18 and celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary.

My other question - you own your own house, your own cars, yadda yadda (yep, just as bad as etc etc or PIN number - LOL) so it's 'clear' that you are independant- so what's the hurry in getting married? In Europe people live together for YEARS (like 10+) before getting married. (Divorce here-Germany-is NOT a quick or easy thing!). Enjoy your engagement, enjoy the younger years, don't be rushed into entering into marriage or having kids, etc.This gives you plenty of time to save up a lot of money to have the platinum wedding you see on TV - without help from ANYONE.

mralpha · March 2010

If I knew then what I know now! I think you should just have an open ear to the people who are only trying to help you in giving advice as to why you should not get married so young. Obviously they have been around and maybe has some experience. Bottom line is divorce rates are high and part of that is due to couples getting married so young. At 20 you are and your soon to be husband will likely be very different. Sometimes that means careers that split you, views, or interests. It happens everyday.

No one will convince you of that now it's just something you see as you get older.

thealphabride · March 2010

You want different things at the age of 30 than at the age of 19, 10, 21. or even 25. You are a different person as you age and gain life experience. Good Luck!

psichick · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-age-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c25b625-2160-4c57-b379-9115102a068dPost:b949014f-cd9d-41d9-ab3a-f7b291f916f9">Re: Vent-Age your getting married</a>:
[QUOTE]p.s. Almost everyone on here is rude!! People are on here to get GOOD advice and see what other ppl are going through. This is a magical day that most of us have been dreaming about our entire life and its a big deal that we hold close to our hearts. I don't get why ppl call themselves the 'regulas' or whatever and put ppl down I mean really is that all you have to do?! Your the ones who need to grow up and face reality that it is not cool to put ppl down over something that means the world to them. I mean really, go do something else productive with your time!
Posted by Jamie025[/QUOTE]

this is the snarky board, that's what is done. maybe you should learn about the site before you judge everyone else. plus, maybe the 40 posters that are being "rude" might know what they're talking about since they're all saying the same thing.

and just because this is the "day you've been dreaming of your whole life" isn't an excuse to rush into marriage. have your pretty princess day, but make sure it's for the right reasons and you know what you're doing.

mralpha · March 2010

To the reference about the brain. It is the front part of the brain. What you say is TRUE!

Bottom line is I am waiting for a 17 yr. old to come on here next.

I have to agree with the story above about marrying young and now divorced. I too married at 22. Thought I found my soul mate! No one told me I was getting married too young but sure wish someone would have. We met on an airplane and could complete each others sentences. We just fit and sat amazed at how well we felt that we already knew each other. Blissful! Destin to happen I would like to say.

Then 14 yrs later it fell apart. He was involved so much in his job it consumed him. He enjoyed the power, the thrill, the money. Long story short we ended up on different sides of the table. I never wanted a divorce and would of stuck out till the end. Problem is you can't fix something the other person isn't willing to fix.

I'm not here to rain on the parades of the 20 yr olds who are getting married! I have been there and have done it. I just think you guys should be open to these comments from people and consider. Though....honestly I probably would not have either.

So we are probably spinning our wheels here.

sophistryliz · March 2010

Mralpha, my parents as well as my fiance's parents got married at 22, and they are all very happily married. It just doesn't work out for some people...I don't think after 14 years it had anything to do with the age you were when you got married. Come on.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-age-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c25b625-2160-4c57-b379-9115102a068dPost:b0adb651-8a48-4745-a610-baa1a63ecf42">Vent-Age your getting married</a>:
[QUOTE]Is anyone else utterly sick of being questioned about why there getting married so young? Just frusterates me to no end! I have found my soul mate, the date is set, please do not try to tell me when to have my wedding :) Also hate people assuming we are broke, living at home, and not able to fund our ownwedding. I own a house, two cars, we both pay for college, as well as for our upcoming wedding. Yay for love pushing us beyond what we thought possible, lol!
Posted by Katshia[/QUOTE]

No. I can't say I have that problem.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-age-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c25b625-2160-4c57-b379-9115102a068dPost:b949014f-cd9d-41d9-ab3a-f7b291f916f9">Re: Vent-Age your getting married</a>:
[QUOTE]p.s. Almost everyone on here is rude!! People are on here to get GOOD advice and see what other ppl are going through. This is a magical day that most of us have been dreaming about our entire life and its a big deal that we hold close to our hearts. I don't get why ppl call themselves the 'regulas' or whatever and put ppl down I mean really is that all you have to do?! Your the ones who need to grow up and face reality that it is not cool to put ppl down over something that means the world to them. I mean really, go do something else productive with your time!
Posted by Jamie025[/QUOTE]

Good advice is not the same as what you want to hear.

luckyme502 · March 2010

I think comparing people of past generations getting married young, and people today getting married young is like comparing apples and oranges. When my grandparents were married in the 40s, you got married young and had lots of babies, and nobody got divorced. This is true, but women also stayed in horrible and unhappy marriages because divorce was taboo and the majority of women didn't work and had no way to support themselves. My grandmother has told me that if she was doing her life over again today, there is no way she would have stayed married to my grandfather. He is an alcoholic, but in her day, you just didn't get divorced.

mralpha · March 2010

It did have to do with age. Bottom line we became two totally different people. Had I of met him in my 30's I would not of married him! In fact I would not have even considered dating him. So I would say it does have to do with age.

I am not saying people don't make it from getting married at a young age. I am simply saying it is less likely and she needs to respect the people just looking out for her.

Divorce rates are high and I can almost guarantee those who have been married for over 40 years who got married in their early 20's went through a rough patch one time or another. It all boils down to how you handle the situation and if both people are committed to working to fix it. Sometimes you find people in their early 30's who have been married for 10-15 years bored with it and realize what they missed out on.

JessAndTrav · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-age-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c25b625-2160-4c57-b379-9115102a068dPost:b949014f-cd9d-41d9-ab3a-f7b291f916f9">Re: Vent-Age your getting married</a>:
[QUOTE]p.s. Almost everyone on here is rude!!
Posted by Jamie025[/QUOTE]

Welcome to Snarky Brides, buttercup.

stephers_7 · March 2010

People will always have their own opinions. FI and I get the "dont you wish you dated around more?" because we've been together since we were 15 yrs old and have never broken up. I get tired of hearing that more than anything.

CaptiolBride · March 2010

I get this too because I'm 24 and my FI is 33. So many people are wondering if I'm ready for marriage because I'm younger. It's annoying

riverjib · March 2010

LOL! Katshia, in all fairness, you chose to post this in the "Snarky brides" forum. You shouldn't expect anyone to be warm and cuddly here. I'm actually pleasantly surprised at how reasonable this board is. I posted something recently, fully expected a huge backlash because the issue was a bit murky. I was looking for honesty. Nobody stroked my ego, but everyone was more tactful and fair than I thought they would be. So this is the board I've chosen to follow.

I'm new here, and I only check in once or twice a week, but I seem to remember that you recently asked if it was okay to ask for donations to your wedding because you were recently fired and consequently cannot find a job. Are you really ready for marriage? My fi and I are full-time students struggling to survive, but we're still paying for our own wedding. It's fine if your parents offered to pay, but if you decided to take on that responsibility and can't fulfill it because you lost your job, are you really sure you're ready for marriage?

riverjib · March 2010

As for age getting married, nobody has a right to question or judge, with the exception of those who know you best. I was engaged at 20. It was a whirlwind...I was so shocked when he proposed that I didn't know how to say no. I knew "no" would mean we'd break up, and I wasn't ready for that. In retrospect, he should have known better. But he was a 26 year old engineer who still lived with his parents and chose to invest $53,000 into restoring an old Porsche rather than getting his own place. He was stunted. I realized this after I broke up with him and started supporting myself (without a bachelor's degree, yet) at 22.

But my sister and her husband were engaged at 21/22, and married at 23/24. They would have been ready at 18, but they were mature enough to wait until college graduation.

Nobody can make judgements based on age, but those who know you might make judgements based on your maturity. 22 isn't always too young, but 30 isn't necessarily old enough, depending on who you are.

HaylaC · March 2010

I started dating my fiance at 18, was engaged at 21. However by them time we get married next yr i will be 29.

In retrospect i am very glad we have waited. Contrary to what a PP has suggested it is not because you grow apart into 2 different people, in some cases this may be true, however in my case it isnt. We have grown together, are stil independent people, but shared many life lessons and milestones together- and so this has made us even closer.

The reason im glad i didnt get married within a year of engagement is that i have matured in my tastes, my appreciation of what is important in life, and am certain that the friends i invite will still be my friends in 20yrs. Had i had a wedding at 22 i'm sure i would have had a load of people there that i dont speak to much now, would probably have looked back on some things and have thought why did i choose that?, but mostly i would have just treated it as a party. Now that i have been with him 9yrs i know that i will be able to appreciate the true meaning of my marriage and being able to reflect on (by then) nearly 11 yrs of how he has made my life better will mean so much more to me.

splint00 · March 2010

Blueyed that was hysterical. And so true. In addition to that, I see some girls on here getting married at 20 or 21?! Wow, what a waste of a decade. I am far from the person I was at that age, as you will eventually learn yourselves. Your 20's are about learning who you are and who you will become, in addition to who will compliment that. Thank god I waited until 32. I can't imagine missing out on becoming the independent woman I am today. Thinking about marrying the guy I was with (and of course thought I loved) when I was 20 is amusing. But then again, that kind of getting married young craziness is unheard of in NY. Grad school, climb to the top of your career, marriage. The prioritizing was set at a young age. This will undoubtedly cause some debate but to each their own.

aprovencher21 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-age-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c25b625-2160-4c57-b379-9115102a068dPost:3288314c-c601-44ad-b081-24521d9eb3fc">Re: Vent-Age your getting married</a>:
[QUOTE]Blueyed that was hysterical. And so true. In addition to that, I see some girls on here getting married at 20 or 21?! Wow, what a waste of a decade. I am far from the person I was at that age, as you will eventually learn yourselves. Your 20's are about learning who you are and who you will become, in addition to who will compliment that. Thank god I waited until 32. I can't imagine missing out on becoming the independent woman I am today. Thinking about marrying the guy I was with (and of course thought I loved) when I was 20 is amusing. But then again, that kind of getting married young craziness is unheard of in NY. Grad school, climb to the top of your career, marriage. The prioritizing was set at a young age. This will undoubtedly cause some debate but to each their own.
Posted by splint00[/QUOTE]

I think this was a beyond silly statement. To suggest that getting married in your twenties is a waste of time is rather rude. You can still be married or in a seriously committed relationship and become an independent successful woman. It's insulting to women like me who have completed undergrad, am finishing an MBA this summer and will start law school in the fall. Amazingly I've managed to do this with my fiance who I've been with for 7 years (by the way I'm 25 and will be 26 when married)....I think too many woman get so wrapped up in proving their independence, level of success, etc. without a man or significant other that they really miss out on things. I love how you think prioritizing higher education is a NY thing (eye roll). Also, I'd never want to wait till I was in my 30's to marry my fiance....we want three or four children (and not all right on top of one another) waiting till your in your thirties is not always a good idea with those types of plans. I don't think marrying in your twenties is for everyone but I definitely think there are women (or men!) who truly know who they are prior to the age of 30.

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