Wedding Etiquette Forum

In-Laws who don't like me! :(

So sad story, I'm newly engaged (that's NOT the sad part!) & almost everyone in my fiancees family HATES ME. My future MIL told my dad that she was going to do everything in her power to break us up and that I wasn't good enough for her son. We didn't tell his family we were engaged, but I did tell my friends and family. Were we live is a small town/community and word gets around fast. Now that they found ut we are engaged his family is being super nice to my face. Still I am scared they are being awful behind my back. I don't want to talk about wedding things infront of them because I know how they feel about me. But I also don't want to exclude them in their son/brother/brother-in-laws wedding.

What should I do?!?!  I don't want his family thinking I am taking him away from them, because it honestly is not me, Garrett really stays away from his family because of the way they treat me. But of course they blame me :(

PLEASE HELP!!!
"Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
http://adkennard.weebly.com/
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Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(

  • I say kill them with kindness. If any issues do arise, your FI needs to handle his family.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • Why do they hate you?  Personally, if my fiance's family hated me I know he would want to talk to them about their reasons and fix the situation as much as possible.  He certainly would not tolerate them talking poorly behind my back. 
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  • I completely agree with PP.  I say include them, because you don't want to give them any more ammunition for the future.  You are about to become a part of their family forever, so you don't want to start out with any more hard feelings.  Also, they might be offended that they found out through the grape vine that you two were engaged.

    Maybe they aren't just being super nice to your face.  Maybe they legitimately are trying to be more welcoming since you are joining the family.  Give them the benefit of the doubt.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I wouldnt like you either if I found out about my sons engagement through a friend.
  • Well I wanted to tell his family, but he didn't. He felt that if they were going to treat me the way they were before we got engaged then they weren't going to treat me any better once we got engaged. So I had to respect his wishes. Would you go behind your future hubby's back and wishes?
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
  • They hate me because they think I am stealing him away from them. They are used to Garrett being there to wait on them hand and foot, lend out money to them whenever they want or need it, Garrett to come over and take care of things no one else will etc. But since dating me he slowed down handing out the money, but he still does go above and beyond to help them out. And he says he would talk to them about it, but there is no point in saying mean and hurtful words and causing fights when silence will do just fine.
    :/
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:bc7e95d6-cca6-4faf-a3cc-c669a4cf7ba6">In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]So sad story, I'm newly engaged (that's NOT the sad part!) & almost everyone in my fiancees family HATES ME. My future MIL told my dad that she was going to do everything in her power to break us up and that I wasn't good enough for her son. We didn't tell his family we were engaged, but I did tell my friends and family. Were we live is a small town/community and word gets around fast. Now that they found ut we are engaged his family is being super nice to my face. Still I am scared they are being awful behind my back. I don't want to talk about wedding things infront of them because I know how they feel about me. But I also don't want to exclude them in their son/brother/brother-in-laws wedding. What should I do?!?!  I don't want his family thinking I am taking him away from them, because it honestly is not me, Garrett really stays away from his family because of the way they treat me. But of course they blame me :( PLEASE HELP!!!
    Posted by twihard08[/QUOTE]
    image
  • edited November 2010
    Seriously though why don't they like you?

    Because unless you are 12 that is a silly reason to not like someone.
    image
  • Has he TALKED to them about these issues? That sounds wildly immature to me.
  • It's so hard to at times though!!!! I want too, but it's scary and hard!!!
    And I feel like I am rubbing it in their faces by doing it....
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:480139f4-1edb-4e48-94ec-bb85a08ae084">Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well I wanted to tell his family, but he didn't. He felt that if they were going to treat me the way they were before we got engaged then they weren't going to treat me any better once we got engaged. So I had to respect his wishes. <strong>Would you go behind your future hubby's back and wishes?</strong>
    Posted by twihard08[/QUOTE]

    No, but I would not marry someone who insisted on hiding our engagement from his family.  IMO, this is a huge red flag for your future.
    image
  • Life is hard and scary sweetheart, you just have to deal with it. Sitting down and talking to them, would help. You dont have to go in guns blazing and say everything you hate about them, but have an adult conversation about your concerns and discuss the issues.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:20e91abb-d120-4406-936d-c074359ad650">Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :( : No, but I would not marry someone who insisted on hiding our engagement from his family.  IMO, this is a huge red flag for your future.
    Posted by brilibby4[/QUOTE]

    <div>Definitely a red flag. I still think there is more to OP's story. Unless they are really young. </div>
    image
  • I agree with you. I think it's very immature on his part not to stand up for me, and even more immature on their part to treat me the way they do, and yes immature on my part too for being a coward and not standing up for myself.

    He hasn't said anything to them because it won't solve anything. His mom and tried breaking up every one of her kids relationships. So he figures he is just going to let the storm pass, he doesn't like fighting or confrontations any more than I do. But atleast I stand up for him to my family when needed. And yes I have explained this to him...
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
  • I think I would wonder why my H wouldn't want his parents to know about the engagement. You said it's a small town so you had to know they would find out eventually.

    Just be as nice as you can towards his parents and when you are out in the community. Then they can say what they want and everyone else will just think its their own personal thing.
  • cute blog!

    I keep forgetting to mention when I blog that my bridesmaids list is getting smaller! Possible minus 2 for ignoring me when they feel it necessary, probable minus 1 for being rude to Garrett and a groomsmen, possible minus 1 due to location of living, and unsure minus 1 she might chose to do my hair and be my photographer instead ( I gave her the choice!). Plus I might be having two Maid of Honors :) My little sister & my cousin Jessica! But I told my little sister if she doesn't start including me into her life then I wasn't going to let her be my MOH, I think I am having second thoughts about letting my girls pic their own dresses. But I know what looks good on one girl won't look the same on another. And I want all of them to be comfortable...eekk! I hope they send me pictures before buying dresses or whatever. But they have sometime, and who knows maybe I will change my idea. Im thinking about picking out 3 dresses and giving them the option of out of the three or four to pick from ... mmm maybe Ill do that!? I gotta talk with my MOH first and see what she thinks! I thought I had my Save-the-Dates all picked out and what not, but after doing some research idk. Lol?!?!?! Why is wedding planning so intense, our wedding wont be for like 2 years or so... I mean seriously, its just a wedding ... right?! HAHA. Anyways Im talking to the MOH and Im gonna go do some wedding research. TTYL
    Oh and I have read mixed things about that cruise website I found last night. The reviews were either very good or really bad, so idk. Probably gonna stay away from it. TTFN<3
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:f01d21ec-5036-4e85-9c6c-059ae72a1901">Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :( : Definitely a red flag. I still think there is more to OP's story. Unless they are really young. 
    Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]


    Unless whose really young?
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
  • Baaaahahahahahahaha

    "Lol?!?!?!?!" haahahaha
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:dbdccd92-c029-4055-9e69-b49ec89bf0a1">Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Life is hard and scary sweetheart, you just have to deal with it. Sitting down and talking to them, would help. You dont have to go in guns blazing and say everything you hate about them, but have an adult conversation about your concerns and discuss the issues.
    Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

    Hahaha, yeah we have tried the whole adult convo thing before. Didn't work out. His famlily believes they are right and no one else is. Every single one of those 6 kids and mom all believe they are right no matter what, and are stubborn beyond belief. Except Garrett, he is a little less stubborn than the rest. But I guess I can try to have another convo with them explaining that I didn't choose not to tell them. It was their son/brothers choice. Or something. I don't know I am a scaredy cat and don't like fighting or confrontations.
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:eeae8274-82d7-4d29-9af5-da411c234814">Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :( : Unless whose really young?
    Posted by twihard08[/QUOTE]

    <div>You. and dwight or kevin or whatever his name is.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:f03cce70-ba3c-456b-b4e9-bff502295f1a">Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]cute blog! I keep forgetting to mention when I blog that my bridesmaids list is getting smaller! Possible minus 2 for ignoring me when they feel it necessary, probable minus 1 for being rude to Garrett and a groomsmen, possible minus 1 due to location of living, and unsure minus 1 she might chose to do my hair and be my photographer instead ( I gave her the choice!). Plus I might be having two Maid of Honors :) My little sister & my cousin Jessica! But I told my little sister if she doesn't start including me into her life then I wasn't going to let her be my MOH, I think I am having second thoughts about letting my girls pic their own dresses. But I know what looks good on one girl won't look the same on another. And I want all of them to be comfortable...eekk! I hope they send me pictures before buying dresses or whatever. But they have sometime, and who knows maybe I will change my idea. Im thinking about picking out 3 dresses and giving them the option of out of the three or four to pick from ... mmm maybe Ill do that!? I gotta talk with my MOH first and see what she thinks! I thought I had my Save-the-Dates all picked out and what not, but after doing some research idk. Lol?!?!?! Why is wedding planning so intense, our wedding wont be for like 2 years or so... I mean seriously, its just a wedding ... right?! HAHA. Anyways Im talking to the MOH and Im gonna go do some wedding research. TTYL Oh and I have read mixed things about that cruise website I found last night. The reviews were either very good or really bad, so idk. Probably gonna stay away from it. TTFN<3
    Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

    Thanks! Lol. It started out about me ranting and raving about my future in laws. But then after a while I realized it was immature. And I wanted to talk about other things, rather than just drama drama drama. Hehe :)
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
  • Maybe it's cuz they don't like Twilight?
  • Yikes, your blog is all about trash talking his sister and how seeing his family will be so awkward...no wonder they don't like you.  Like you said, in a small town I'm sure they have stumbled upon or heard about your blog.  If you were engaged to my brother and talking about me like that all over the internet I certainly wouldn't be your biggest fan either.
    image
  • You're going to have a fun time when kids come into this picture. Figure out if you can live with this family, and his inability to stand up for you when it comes to his family, now before life gets more complicated. If just announcing the engagement has caused this much grief you are going to be in for the long haul.
  • Jeebus.

    Learn to be the bigger person in ALL your relationships - your FI's family, and your bridal party.  Sounds like you might be expecting a bit much of people, rather than the other way around. 
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:111a5605-ea16-4793-a365-94e22e3c03fe">Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think I would wonder why my H wouldn't want his parents to know about the engagement. You said it's a small town so you had to know they would find out eventually. Just be as nice as you can towards his parents and when you are out in the community. Then they can say what they want and everyone else will just think its their own personal thing.
    Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]


    Well everyone knows that it is there personal thing. They have come up to me in town and said things about it. (They meaning people in the communuty) They all know what his family is like. Because like I  said earlier I am not the first one this has happened with...
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:db31ef4a-98ba-44b2-96c3-5789106a940c">Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :( : You. and dwight or kevin or whatever his name is.
    Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]


    It's Garrett. Lmao.
    And I am 20 he is 22. Is that young?
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
  • That blog is killing me. It seems very clear that you and you FI have a lot of growing up to do.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_laws-dont-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc216c7c-28bd-4699-839a-d084c3ae27d0Post:474bd029-3a82-4577-bf54-ca27d6144729">Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In-Laws who don't like me! :( : It's Garrett. Lmao. And I am 20 he is 22. Is that young?
    Posted by twihard08[/QUOTE]

    For me, it's the maturity of the person's mind, more than the physical age.
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