Is it completely rude of me to do this?

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:d876faa1-76a4-4081-a24b-a21f54691b6d">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh I'd never mention it on the invite, I agree that sounds really odd. Just if anyone asked. Thank you louisvillebride: I am finding some of these responses harsher than I'd imagined lol, but I don't spend a lot of time on forums so I'm sure that's why. I only don't want to do a "BBQ" (meaning where food would have to be cooked) because I don't want to spend my entire reception chained to the grill cooking enough food for everyone, I'd rather spend it talking and having fun with them.
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]
You're making the food? *sigh* Look around. I'm very certain that you can find cheap barbeque, that is catered.

ehathewa · July 2010

Having a dry wedding is A-OK in my book. You still need to provide soda, water, lemonade, etc for your guests to drink.

I am often surprised by people who are mad that they go to a wedding and then have to pay for a drink or they only have sandwiches as food... I attend a wedding to support my friends and family on an important day, not for a free meal.

ohwhynot · July 2010

OP, it would be even worse if you only mentioned it to people who asked specifically about it. Most people wouldn't think to ask and while they may be surprised, there is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. People won't stay as long, perhaps, but there is nothing rude about it.

However, there is a lot rude about showing up and seeing some people with beer or wine or whatever and not being able to have any yourself, because you didn't think to ask about it before the wedding.

As far as sandwiches and such, I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with the menu you are proposing. As long as there is plenty to eat, cold cut platters and buns and cheese and veggies are okay as far as I'm concerned.

louisvillebride21 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:5a75c1a7-3291-4567-b70f-2aa53ddf36cf">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this? : Well, I was stating fact. Sandwiches at 5? Eh. Don't throw that "did the best with what I could afford" crap with me. I did the whole thing for under $5000, so it's not like I'm talking about my $30000 wedding here.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
Woah, don't get like that. I wasn't trying to start anything. I'm pretty sure you planned a mroe expensive wedding didn't you? The bank crap came up and you did what you could afford, made the best of your situation. I don't see how that phrase is a problem.

gonnabemrsh · July 2010

Just a couple things: it's a casual WEDDING, so the reception should be equally as casual, no? I'm not going to have a ten-minute ceremony wearing a sundress and with my fiance in a hawaiian shirt and sandals and then have a big huge sit down dinner for a reception. I'm sorry, but to me that seems silly.

Our budget for this wedding, including travel expenses and everything, is $1500. Our "wedding" is going to fit our personal styles and be a "picnic" if that's what you'd like to call it, because that's what makes us comfortable.

Next, the only out-of-town guests will be my parents, his parents, and ourselves. The rest of them live very close to my aunt (in TN), and my parents will be down there anyway for vacation that week, so no one is being unduly caused to travel hours and hours. (The grandma in question in the OP is not even attending, her own choice, but what she said made me think).

I also think that even providing "some" alcohol would be in bad taste if I can't afford to provide enough to make sure EVERYONE has all they would like, and I can't truly afford that. (It's one of those "I CAN, but really shouldn't spend that much money" kind of things.

I'm rapidly getting the feeling I'm not very welcome here with my casual picnic wedding and summer sundress attire, so I think I'll forego these forums. Thanks to those of you who weren't so incredibly judgmental, I do appreciate it, and to those who managed to state their opinions without being so harsh, thank you as well.

I hope you all have/had wonderful weddings that are just what you want them to be, good luck and peace to you all

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:e72899b7-c1ce-4014-a316-f99c97904b05">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Having a dry wedding is A-OK in my book. You still need to provide soda, water, lemonade, etc for your guests to drink. I am often surprised by people who are mad that they go to a wedding and then have to pay for a drink or they only have sandwiches as food... I attend a wedding to support my friends and family on an important day, not for a free meal. 
Posted by ehathewa[/QUOTE]
Uh yeah. Except that I APPRECIATE the time and expense my guests, the vaunted friends and family there to support me, and show that by giving them a decent meal, appropriate to the time of day.

gonnabemrsh · July 2010

Where do you suggest I find catered BBQ for 125 people for less than $200?

louisvillebride21 · July 2010

OP, you're right, you're probably not going to get much help on this particular board. But check out the budget board. I don't think ANYONE has a problem with a simple casual wedding. You just rubbed people the wrong way with the BYOB thing and sometimes people can't move past initial impressions. But I promise you, there is nothing wrong with what you initially planned. Just have a dry wedding and have a fantastic time with your loved ones.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:da9983b2-b1ee-4853-a9ed-f1acbab9f13e">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this? : Woah, don't get like that. I wasn't trying to start anything. I'm pretty sure you planned a mroe expensive wedding didn't you? The bank crap came up and you did what you could afford, made the best of your situation. I don't see how that phrase is a problem.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]
No. I did not plan a more expensive wedding. It was planned for $5g no matter what. The difficulty came because we couldn't cut any expenses by the point of the bank problem, and ended up having to do the best we could, which meant using the money we got as a gift to pay for the wedding.

OP, it's not about you having a casual wedding- it's really not. It's about you having an inappropriate type of food for the time of day. Change the time, and everythings copasetic.

gonnabemrsh · July 2010

And I think it's incredibly rude to insinuate that I don't appreciate every single person who will be in attendance. This thread keeps getting worse, and I'm tired of being torn apart. Sheesh, ladies.

georgia_bride09 · July 2010

[QUOTE]And I think it's incredibly rude to insinuate that I don't appreciate every single person who will be in attendance. This thread keeps getting worse, and I'm tired of being torn apart. Sheesh, ladies.
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]

I think you're just being very sensitive.

Just have a dry wedding with your sandwiches and call it done.

louisvillebride21 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:5770dd24-40f1-459e-a37b-fb619edc67b0">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]And I think it's incredibly rude to insinuate that I don't appreciate every single person who will be in attendance. This thread keeps getting worse, and I'm tired of being torn apart. Sheesh, ladies.
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]
Just suck it up and don't let it get to you. This board is harsh and as a newbie it can be surprising. Remember, we're internet strangers, our opinions don't matter. HOWEVER, also remember if this many people are making the same suggestions, it really might be a good thing to look in to (different time of day). It's better for strangers to point you in a different direction than having your loved ones possibly be put out.

shellydiane820 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:1e7aa907-c738-4dc2-89e4-6745b6dd673a">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, you're right, you're probably not going to get much help on this particular board. But check out the budget board. I don't think ANYONE has a problem with a simple casual wedding. You just rubbed people the wrong way with the BYOB thing and sometimes people can't move past initial impressions. But I promise you, there is nothing wrong with what you initially planned. Just have a dry wedding and have a fantastic time with your loved ones.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Having a sandwich style dinner is perfectly fine, especially since it matches your overall theme and a laidback ceremony. As far as alcohol goes, just keep it a dry wedding. You can have fun with drinks by getting Jones Soda or jars of lemonade on the tables.

ExpatPumpkin · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:68f7fded-3c8a-47ef-a80c-245138ce87ee">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just a couple things: it's a casual WEDDING, so the reception should be equally as casual, no? I'm not going to have a ten-minute ceremony wearing a sundress and with my fiance in a hawaiian shirt and sandals and then have a big huge sit down dinner for a reception. I'm sorry, but to me that seems silly. Our budget for this wedding, including travel expenses and everything, is $1500. Our "wedding" is going to fit our personal styles and be a "picnic" if that's what you'd like to call it, because that's what makes us comfortable. Next, the only out-of-town guests will be my parents, his parents, and ourselves. The rest of them live very close to my aunt (in TN), and my parents will be down there anyway for vacation that week, so no one is being unduly caused to travel hours and hours. (The grandma in question in the OP is not even attending, her own choice, but what she said made me think). I also think that even providing "some" alcohol would be in bad taste if I can't afford to provide enough to make sure EVERYONE has all they would like, and I can't truly afford that. (It's one of those "I CAN, but really shouldn't spend that much money" kind of things. I'm rapidly getting the feeling I'm not very welcome here with my casual picnic wedding and summer sundress attire, so I think I'll forego these forums. Thanks to those of you who weren't so incredibly judgmental, I do appreciate it, and to those who managed to state their opinions without being so harsh, thank you as well. I hope you all have/had wonderful weddings that are just what you want them to be, good luck and peace to you all :)
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]

There's nothing wrong with the type of wedding that you're planning. Weddings come in all shapes and sizes, and all can be beautiful and memorable for your guests.

I understand that you don't feel a formal plated meal would fit your ceremony, venue, and level of formality, but there's nothing inherently formal about providing food and drinks for your guests. It's kind of the minimum.

If you're going to have a picnic-like reception, why not throw the best picnic your family has ever attended? It's your wedding after all, and not just another family potluck get together.

Why don't you have BBQ or some other simple catering and enough beer and wine for everyone? Food, beverages, and a nice cake from a grocery store and you have a full wedding reception ;) There's no reason why you can't make that happen for $20-30/head.

Good luck ;)

ETA: I just noticed that you're working with a $200 catering budget. Sorry, but I'm not sure how you'll feed 125 people on that :(

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:5770dd24-40f1-459e-a37b-fb619edc67b0">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]And I think it's incredibly rude to insinuate that I don't appreciate every single person who will be in attendance. This thread keeps getting worse, and I'm tired of being torn apart. Sheesh, ladies.
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]

I agree with Georgia. You're being too sensitive. If there are opinions like this from strangers, there are bound to be these same opinions amongst your F&F.

georgia_bride09 · July 2010

[QUOTE]Why don't you have BBQ or some other simple catering and enough beer and wine for everyone? Food, beverages, and a nice cake from a grocery store and you have a full wedding reception ;) There's no reason why you can't make that happen for $20-30/head. Good luck ;)
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

Her entire wedding budget is $1500, so spending $2500 on food alone is probably not at the top of her list.

shellydiane820 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:e72e7f74-b7d7-4c97-93a4-b57b98bcf1cf">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this? : There's nothing wrong with the type of wedding that you're planning. Weddings come in all shapes and sizes, and all can be beautiful and memorable for your guests. I understand that you don't feel a formal plated meal would fit your ceremony, venue, and level of formality, but there's nothing inherently formal about providing food and drinks for your guests. It's kind of the minimum. If you're going to have a picnic-like reception, why not throw the best picnic your family has ever attended? It's your wedding after all, and not just another family potluck get together. Why don't you have BBQ or some other simple catering and enough beer and wine for everyone? Food, beverages, and a nice cake from a grocery store and you have a full wedding reception ;) There's no reason why you can't make that happen for $20-30/head. Good luck ;)
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

That's over her budget.

The only problem I can forsee for the wedding is the time. Just because people will be hungry for dinner. I do agree with whoever mentioned having it a little earlier. Unless its a summer wedding because then its way too hot.

ExpatPumpkin · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:34967580-aac9-4658-ac13-a4d3d9de9985">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Her entire wedding budget is $1500, so spending $2500 on food alone is probably not at the top of her list.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I noticed that too late... My numbers definitely don't add up :(

Lisa8888 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:5770dd24-40f1-459e-a37b-fb619edc67b0">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]And I think it's incredibly rude to insinuate that I don't appreciate every single person who will be in attendance. This thread keeps getting worse, and I'm tired of being torn apart. Sheesh, ladies.
Posted by gonnabemrsh[/QUOTE]

Apparently you just wanted people to validate your ideas. People are being honest with you whether you like to hear it or not.

If you can't afford to provide 125 people with a proper meal and drinks then don't invite 125 people. Its that simple. But when you do invite guests to a wedding reception you have certain obligations to them and you are not fulfilling your obligations to your guests.

You don't throw out some cold cuts and chips for guests at a wedding reception.

georgia_bride09 · July 2010

My catered wedding was $15/ head. I think I could probably do BBQ for $8-10/head. It's all about the research.

shellydiane820 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:7cab5de0-a534-4af3-a569-60f5c2c83274">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this? : Apparently you just wanted people to validate your ideas. People are being honest with you whether you like to hear it or not. If you can't afford to provide 125 people with a proper meal and drinks then don't invite 125 people. Its that simple. But when you do invite guests to a wedding reception you have certain obligations to them and you are not fulfilling your obligations to your guests. You don't throw out some cold cuts and chips for guests at a wedding reception.
Posted by Lisa8888[/QUOTE]

I have to say, one of the best weddings I've ever been to had a VFW reception with coldcuts. We had a blast.

louisvillebride21 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_completely-rude-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c6571c9-90de-4ca0-8989-206648244bcdPost:7cab5de0-a534-4af3-a569-60f5c2c83274">Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it completely rude of me to do this? : Apparently you just wanted people to validate your ideas. People are being honest with you whether you like to hear it or not. If you can't afford to provide 125 people with a proper meal and drinks then don't invite 125 people. Its that simple. But when you do invite guests to a wedding reception you have certain obligations to them and you are not fulfilling your obligations to your guests. You don't throw out some cold cuts and chips for guests at a wedding reception.
Posted by Lisa8888[/QUOTE]
Then please explain why a cake and punch reception is perfectly acceptable? I understand the time is an issue here, but don't make stupid statements like that.

georgia_bride09 · July 2010

Living in the Bible belt, I've been to plenty of wedding that only had cheese and crackers, or a light spread. I don't see the problem with sandwiches, but at 5:00, it's cutting into dinner time, so I'd at least want something hot to go with it.

ExpatPumpkin · July 2010

If you're working with a budget of $1,500 the vast majority of it should go to food and beverages. What's the other $1,300 going to? The most important expense is properly hosting your guests...

At $10/head (my new, lower number she can pull this off. BBQ and beer/wine from Sams or Costco will do it.

kikibaby · July 2010

I think you're fine, OP. Your wedding seems like you're doing what you can with your budget.

If you did want to do something more substantial, food-wise, could a relative do the grilling for burgers/dogs/brats? If not, just go with the sandwiches and no worries- your guests will survive.

Oh, but I would say 'no' to the BYOB, just because that could get a little out-of-control. Just have a dry wedding, everyone can drink afterwards if it's that important to them.

shellydiane820 · July 2010

Also check with some local butcher shops. I know we have some local ones that do catering. You could do brats, and burgers, stuff like that. Just for an option. It might cost around the same.

ohwhynot · July 2010

Oh shut up, Lisa.

OP: you can have a fun, casual, delightful wedding in your price range. However, as a PP said, the great bulk of your budget should go toward the food. Head over to budget brides board for a lot of terrific ideas.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

This is all about time for me. Sandwiches are great- for lunch. I've been to plenty of sandwich weddings. In the afternoon. Not in the evening.

kikibaby · July 2010

Oh! Or what about making BBQ ahead of time? Like pulled pork and/or chicken? You can make a big pan of it and have that out with buns and sauces. I'd be really happy with that, but I love BBQ like a fat kid... well, just like a fat kid. haha.

Is it completely rude of me to do this?

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