Divorce and Father of the Bride

mhoneill · August 2010

My mother and father have been divorced for over 25 years. I have always dreaded this part of the future wedding planning: Walking me down the isle. My dad asked me on Friday who was going to walk me down the isle and luckily, I have already decided that my mom and grandmother were going to walk me down the isle. He was disappointed but completely understood.

Here is the hard part: the father daughter dance. Every wedding I have ever gone to I ball at the father daughter dance. I reallly want to dance with my stepdad to drive by alan jackson... since the song came out, I knew that. The situation is with my father, though. I am not sure if I should:

Mle2011 · August 2010

I voted have two father daughter dances. What is the situation with your father? if your stepdad was not in the picture, would you dance with your father? if not, then i'd just dance with your stepdad.

kaederose · August 2010

I voted for two father-daughter dances. Why? Because from what it sounds like, you have two fathers. It's about you and your family, and if you want to dance with your stepdad but are worried about "Tradition", I wouldn't be. Even Emily Post said that changes to the wedding to accomodate various types of families was acceptable because ettiquette was about making others comfortable and feel appreciated. That's something you sound like you want to do for both of your fathers.

mhoneill · August 2010

Thank you! Both my dad and my stepdad are important men in my life.

LBM7189 · August 2010

I seen tons of brides do 2 father daughter dances and tons of grooms do 2 mother son dances. I would dance with your step-father first if you feel he more of a father to you if that makes sense. I recently went to a wedding where both sides had step parents, so they edited the songs and made them a bit shorter than the full versions so they were not dancing forever with everyone standing around watching.

SassyPants150 · August 2010

One of my best friends is getting married in October and she is having both. Her real father hasn't been nearly as active in her life as her step-father so she thinks its the right thing to do to include him as part of a special recognition. I'm not so sure that both of them are walking her down the aisle as well. Good luck!

wlfpkbride · August 2010

If they're both important to you I would definitely do both. Things are way different now than they were back in the day & people understand that there may be more than one dad/mom, etc in the picture.

CLTKate · August 2010

i voted dance with both. i've also seen the bride choose a mother-daughter dance instead of father-daughter.

emcardillo · August 2010

Definitely do both! If one is good, then two is better

This way, both of them will feel important and you will have what you want. Afterall, it's about what the bride wants isn't it? Haha.

tarheelbabs · August 2010

I voted for both. My parents were together until my dad passed away in 2007, but we definitely had our ups and downs in our relationship. As I got older, though, it had really improved and he had really come through for me on some big things in my life as an adult. I've mentioed before that I'm quite a bit older than most of you, so my dad's loss is sad, but he was quite a bit older and had a history of heart disease, so he led a full life. That said, his not being at my wedding next year is going to be really tough and will leave a big hole in the day.

Your relationship with your dad could continue to evolve through your adult life and it would be a shame not to have included him in this very important day in your life, because you really won't be able to get it back. Hope that perspective is helpful. Barbara

mhoneill · August 2010

Thank you so much!! We are going to do both :-) This has weighed on me so much and I think it is a perfect solution!

GirlieGirl27320 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_divorce-father-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:115Discussion:336afaee-3d00-4509-96eb-9a7ec7c89d50Post:f6eac678-8bda-47cc-b2a9-1289ef0d1bc6">Re: Divorce and Father of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]If they're both important to you I would definitely do both. Things are way different now than they were back in the day & people understand that there may be more than one dad/mom, etc in the picture.
Posted by wlfpkbride[/QUOTE]
Ditto

CJ4578 · August 2010

Whoops, I voted for not having a special dance, just having a song you dance to... but that's only if you feel uncomfortable dancing with your dad (a way to still include your stepdad without making your dad upset.) But I totally agree with what everyone else said, two dances is a great idea if both are special to you.

I'm not having a father-daughter dance (have yet to approach that with my dad since we really don't talk often.) He's coming to the wedding, and has contributed financially which was a big step in our relationship, and I will have him walk me down the aisle. But FI is uncomfortable having a mother-son dance with his mother, and since I'm not too thrilled about the father-daughter dance idea, we decided against doing any dances but the first dance. We're just telling people we're shy.

dvwaldro · August 2010

I think you should definitely do both! I will be having the same dilemma at my wedding. I have decided to let my father walk me halfway down the aisle and then my stepdad will pick up the rest of the way with them both giving me to my FI. As for the first dance, I say you should do both. If they are both important to you , like mine are, then they should both get that special moment with you! Congrats!!

mhoneill · August 2010

Thanks again! I told my stepdad last night and he thought it was a great idea.

jbrych2006 · August 2010

You have to make yourself happy. My Dad passed away when I was young, and it's hard for me to even think about the father/daughter dance. If you are closer with your stepdad, I say go for it. You have to follow your heart on this one. Good luck dear.

Divorce and Father of the Bride

Re: Divorce and Father of the Bride

Choose Another Board

Search Boards