I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding in April. The bride insisted that everyone wear the same dress (I figured) and shoes (pricey and uncomfortable, but I didn't complain). Nobody ever asked what my budget was.
Now the MOH has rented a nice place for the shower and is making bigger plans than I expected, like having specific centerpieces, EVERYTHING matching (including food trays, what we bridesmaids wear, decorations, etc. Some of this I understand, but it's excessive).
MOH is not insisting that everyone pay her, but is asking that we give what we can. This is all happening via a mass Facebook message between all bridesmaids and the bride. I sent her a separate message saying that I can't contribute money, but I will cook, set up, etc., whatever I can do with my daughter in tow (bride suggested that I bring my daughter since FI is working). MOH suggested that I find a babysitter because she needs as much help as possible to set up and we "only" have the place for 2 hours to set up before the shower starts. She also said,
"Everyone is going through money issues, so I was only asking for it if people were able to help. I just want to throw the best shower that I can for (bride) because I know she would do the same for me like she did for (friend)'s wedding and I'm sure she would do for yours."
I'm annoyed. I'm a SAHM and while we have money in savings, I don't feel comfortable spending much more on this wedding. I feel like the mass FB thing makes me look like a jerk for not offering up money while everyone else is. The last line of that FB message also sounds to me like, "You don't have to, but you really should suck it up because that's what the bride would do."
Besides what I've already done- the private message, offering food and help- is there something else I should say, or should I leave it at that? I'm planning on taking my daughter with me. I would have even offered to have the shower at my house, but it was never discussed before MOH rented a place.
CN: I'm a bridesmaid and the MOH is being more demanding than I expected. Am I a jerk for being annoyed and not donating money to a shower that was planned without budgets being discussed?
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