Why won't he pick a date?!

fortdork87 · June 2012

My fiance and I got engaged on Easter this year. He decided that he wanted a Spring 2013 wedding. Preferably in April. We picked a venue, a caterer and a photographer already. But we can't start to put down any deposits because he won't pick a date. He has a weird schedule for work, so we can only pick between April 13 or 27. It's been 2 months since we started looking at dates. He keeps saying that he doesn't want to pick the wrong date. I keep trying to tell him that we can't control the weather or the future. The venue is both indoor and outdoor, so really weather isn't an issue. I'm just wondering if I should just take over and tell him to not to worry about it. If it's this hard for him to pick a date, I can't imagine how hard it will be for him to make another decisions.

vk2204 · June 2012

Tell him if he doesn't decide by the end of next week you are just picking. I would also double check with your vendors to make sure that both dates are still available.

I am partial to the 13th because that is my date

[Deleted User] · June 2012

We had the same situation...we went with April 27th because it's the day before his 30th bday. Seriously, that's the only reason, haha. Since we're in the military, we had to choose quickly and get our leave requests in as soon as possible.

You might want to take into account your guests' schedules, too. Kids will be in school in April and if you have any guests in college that you really would like to have attend, it's probably better to go for early April so they won't feel stressed out about choosing between your wedding and exams. Also, tax day is April 15th, 2 days after your wedding if you choose the 13th. Some people might back out at the last minute if they didn't plan for their taxes to be processed in time, leaving you with extra meals, favors, seating, etc. If none of that's not an issue then flip a coin...why not?

My FI was also a meteorology major so he had to explain the weather thing to me instead ;-) Are you getting married in SC? We're getting married outside in NC and we also took the temperatures into account. It's typically in the mid-70s in late April, so that also helped us with our choice. Since you can go indoors, that probably isn't such a big deal to you but if you really want the ceremony outside, it might be something to consider. You can do an online search for climatological data for your area if y'all really want to be outside on the big day. It might help you pick a date but it won't promise perfect weather.

I'm not sure if any of that helped but it's some of the thought process I went through recently. Good luck!!

ChiGirl2013 · June 2012

I agree with vk - tell him he has a week to decide or you're flipping a coin.

Due to various issues, we had a choice between 2 weekends as well. What decided it? I chose the weekend that was less likely to be "that time of the month" for me. FI was more than happy to accommodate that. Lol!

tanibailey · June 2012

isn't easter on april 13th? or is it the 12th?

vk2204 · June 2012

Easter is the 31st of March, 2013.

fortdork87 · June 2012

Thank you ladies!! I've done the, pick by this day or I will. And he always has a valid excuse. Like I need to talk to my Grandmother (For what I'm not sure) We've looked at Farmers Almanacs all the way back to 2005, and he has issues with both dates.

Yes, we're getting married in Charleston, SC on the Intercoastal, so looking at the past weather was a must. The venue is not known very well, so both dates are still open. I'm leaning more towards the 13th, but his issue for that day is that he doesn't want it to fall on a Friday one year and give us bad luck. And the 27 was very windy (and will also by "my time of the month"). I think I have to give him another week, and then I'm just going to decide.

He's being the same way with the caterer. We've decided (he's a family friend so he'll be available no matter the day) but doesn't want to put down a deposit because he doesn't want to feel rushed.

ChiGirl2013 · June 2012

Those are all very flimsy excuses. Are you sure there's not some underlying reason that he's reluctant to set things in stone? I mean, come on..... farmer's almanac? Feeling rushed just because you put down a deposit?

Before you pick a date, I think you need a heart to heart to make sure he's still committed. I obviously don't know you guys, but when someone starts grasping at straws like that, there's usually a reason that has nothing to do with the ones that are coming out of their mouths. *HUGS*

shanding4787 · June 2012

I'm partial to the 27th cuz that's my date

shipsinthenight · June 2012

I worry that these are pretty weak excuses. I also worry about guys who drag their feet, expecially with poor reasons, and whether they are having second thoughts. Is money a possible issue? Dos he think that once he puts down deposits you won't be able to afford your normal bills and entertainment? Is he having trouble processing the reality of marriage? Are you living together yet? If you aren't, putting down deposits may make getting married feel very real for him,which may make him anxious or uncomfortable. If this is the case, maybe you should push the date back. You don't HAVE to get married this April since you haven't put any money down yet. I think giving him a mandate of "pick or I will" is not a wise thing to do, without finding out if there are any more substantial reason behind his flimsy excuses.

fortdork87 · July 2012

Thanks for all your help ladies!! My mothers fiance passed away very suddenly February, and I know we all wish she were here to help us and give us her advice. He was a complete "mommas boy". I know this is part of the reason the date issue has been hard. He wants her help. Bu I am happy to announce that we have decided on April 20, 2013. Thank you for all your help!!

Christine9866 · July 2012

awesome, grey news to hear that you have a date!

Why won't he pick a date?!

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