Moms and Maids

I dont know what to do...

I'll try to make this short and sweet.

I got engaged a few months ago, and started brainstorming ideas with one of my other friends, who is almost finished planning her wedding. She knows she is going to be a bridesmaid (although I havent officially asked her. Im waiting till around Christmas because we are planning our wedding for late next summer or early fall, and dont want to ask too early).
Anyway, this friend has been a bridesmaid-zilla.
Every idea I have told her about, she has said what horrible ideas they are, or "why would you want to do that? Thats not what Im doing for MY wedding". Some of her comments have even been hurtful.
She has told me what dress I need for my bridesmaids to wear, and in what color! She went as far as to tell me that I needed to change my colors, because the dress SHE picked out, she liked better in blue! I told her that Im not worried about the bridesmaid dresses right now, because I dont even have my wedding party picked out yet!
She is getting married next summer (a few months before what Im planning) and went as far to say that I couldnt go on my yearly summer trip because it would fall about a week and a half before her wedding! Im almost to the point that I want to take myself out of her wedding, and not even ask her to be in mine.

I have no idea what to do in this situation. I have stopped talking to her about anything wedding related (mine or hers) and when I try to talk to her about anything else, she changes the subject to wedding topics. ( which I am not comfortable talking to her about anymore.)

Any ideas or advice on how to handle this?
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Re: I dont know what to do...

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:63f7c662-6600-4a9e-862d-6c401baab57ePost:f17ec407-2122-429a-9bb4-040a5c595d2b">I dont know what to do...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll try to make this short and sweet. I got engaged a few months ago, and started brainstorming ideas with one of my other friends, who is almost finished planning her wedding. She knows she is going to be a bridesmaid (although I havent officially asked her. Im waiting till around Christmas because we are planning our wedding for late next summer or early fall, and dont want to ask too early). Anyway, this friend has been a bridesmaid-zilla. Every idea I have told her about, she has said what horrible ideas they are, or "why would you want to do that? Thats not what Im doing for MY wedding". Some of her comments have even been hurtful. She has told me what dress I need for my bridesmaids to wear, and in what color! She went as far as to tell me that I needed to change my colors, because the dress SHE picked out, she liked better in blue! I told her that Im not worried about the bridesmaid dresses right now, because I dont even have my wedding party picked out yet! She is getting married next summer (a few months before what Im planning) and went as far to say that I couldnt go on my yearly summer trip because it would fall about a week and a half before her wedding! Im almost to the point that I want to take myself out of her wedding, and not even ask her to be in mine. I have no idea what to do in this situation. I have stopped talking to her about anything wedding related (mine or hers) and when I try to talk to her about anything else, she changes the subject to wedding topics. ( which I am not comfortable talking to her about anymore.) Any ideas or advice on how to handle this?
    Posted by Roxie2012[/QUOTE]

    Stop talking to her about your wedding plans and ideas.

    Problem solved.
  • edited December 2011
    Like PP said. I would just keep trying to not speak about wedding stuff. She sounds like she is wedding crazy right now and just  needs some time to get it out of her system, if you will. Did she just get engaged as well?
  • kaitlyn&henrykaitlyn&henry member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with what others have already said...stop talking about wedding plans with her. Find a supportive friend who will listen and go along with what you want, who can offer opinions politely without being pushy.

    I personally would seriously reconsider asking her to be a bridesmaid and if you do...whenever the time coes for the dresses to come back up stay firm and make it known its not up for discussion. I had 7 bridesmaid and love them all dearly but of course there is a lot of different tastes. So--its your day and whatever you want!! I jus made sure they al felt comfortable, but color and style...etc was all MY choice and it should be yours.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:63f7c662-6600-4a9e-862d-6c401baab57ePost:a59b46cf-3e68-4422-9c57-63baabd7400c">Re: I dont know what to do...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Like PP said. I would just keep trying to not speak about wedding stuff. She sounds like she is wedding crazy right now and just  needs some time to get it out of her system, if you will. Did she just get engaged as well?
    Posted by HappyRainbowPony[/QUOTE]


    No, she has been engaged for almost a year. They had a long engagement due to finances.

    I have stopped talking to her about anything wedding related.
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  • steffenfamsteffenfam member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If she brings up wedding stuff, just respond "hmmm, I hadn't thought about that yet" or "I haven't decided yet".  Just vague answers.
  • kaijasmomkaijasmom member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    she sounds pretty controling, if she keeps hounding you stand your ground and tell her the colors are Your choice and you are picking the details.  Maybe she really likes planning but this will be your big day, so dont let her get you down. Congrats and good planning !
  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You have stated twice that you stopped talking to her about wedding stuff. Once in your OP and then again once everyone kept telling you to stop so I will break the pattern and not repeat what you clearly already know. :)  

    I would keep trying to change the subject. After 2-3 attempts I would look her in the eye, say " You are a very good friend, I love you, but I do not want to talk about anything wedding related. I am very happy for you and excited for my own wedding but I have more going on in my life and other interests  yadda yadda yadda".  I would not make any decision yet about her being in the BP. See how things go between now and when you need to ask. Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:63f7c662-6600-4a9e-862d-6c401baab57ePost:fd54aeb6-3de5-4ca5-b764-bf6c67f0b2e7">Re: I dont know what to do...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree - stop discussing wedding plans with her. I disagree about not asking  her to be a bridesmaid.  They're still friends.<strong> The bride should be bouncing ideas off her fiance, not her wedding party</strong>. They're the ones who are getting married.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    I'm not planning my wedding with help of her. Im planning it with my fiance. I was hoping that she could point me in the direction of a professional who could help with my ideas, since she has been planning for about a year and has talked to so many people.

    And though the thought had crossed my mind about not asking her, I wouldnt be able to NOT have her stand next to me on my wedding day.  

    We had a long talk earlier this weekend, and I voiced my concern for her actions, and she has agreed to not be so "bossy" towards my wedding. (:

    Thanks for all the input ladies!! (:
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