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October 2012 Weddings

NWR-how to spend the holidays

It's Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend and I'm actually skipping out on my fiance's family dinner.  I am sick of turkey after having at least 4 holiday meals a year for the past 3 years. Plus I'd rather spend the weekend working on our house!

So today my fiance and I were talking about Christmas and how we'd like to spend it this year.His family would always travel to another relative's house on Xmas day for dinner while mine stayed home, opened gifts and ate candy until dinner (we did that this year too!).  I personally hate the idea  of being out of my house on xmas day...i'd ratehr sleep in with my husband, open presents together, let our dog tear apart the wrapping paper, watch movies together and have a small meal. He is fine with that but my FILs are going to expect us to do the big family thing.  My mom said she doesn;t expcet to see me on xmas but hopefully the day after. 

anyone facing similar situations?  howdid you tell you FILs that you are skipping their dinner without coming across like the bad guy?

Re: NWR-how to spend the holidays

  • We have decided to do the following on holidays:
    One year with is family in North Carolina
    One year with my family in Michigan
    One year with just the two of us in DC (this will start with this year in DC since we have been doing so much travel this year for wedding things)

    That way nobody feels like we are slighting them by spending the time with other relatives.  Maybe try something like that?

    Good luck!
  • That is hard because sometimes family doesn't understand the "we want to spend the holiday by ourselves" reasoning.  I think that you just need to stick to your guns and maybe compromise another way.  Maybe spend Christmas Eve with them or something like that. 

    When FI and I got to our first Christmas, We made a plan of action and stuck with it.  We have adjusted it to fit with our families schedule and stuck with our plan.
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  • I'm in Ontario and we're not doing anything for Thanksgiving this year. We're so close to the weddings and with my shower I just saw all the family - we want to relax and destress.

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  • This year I have my boys for Christmas, so it is 'my' year - with my family of origin on actual Christmas day. Thanksgiving FI and I can plan to be together or be with his friends (he views friends as family, and chooses not to spend much time with family). I just swap back and forth every year.

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  • If I had to I'd spend Christmas Eve or Boxing Day with people (even though I'd rather just be alone). 
    I don't want to alternate between places because everybody is within 1 hour of us.  Apparently we are expected to host a holiday dinner next year...his family's expectatons, not mine!
  • We split it pretty evenly with both families...HOWEVER....Christmas morning is ours....and we just made the decision that we are starting OUR traditions for our children and this is how we have decided to do it....Christmas eve is usually with my family and then Christmas morning is ours and then mid morning...after weve done our thing...we go to FI moms in pjs for low key christmas...very small family...like 9 people total...and then back home where we have a CHRISTMAS DINNER for whoever is around and would like to come over...we dont invite...we dont have a schedule...we put the word out for all the single people in our family and friends and we have a nice casual dinner and I get to cook...LOVE IT!!!  So...we made Christmas morning and Christmas night OURS....our traditions, our way...and the families have gotten used to it.....this will be the 5th year we our doing it our way :)
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  • edited October 2012

    FI's family is all in Puerto Rico so we don't have to worry about that.  We will just see them on our annual trip (which we are starting as a new family next year).

    My family (pretty much my mother) has always spent Christmas and Thanksgiving together.  When my middle sister was still married to her Ex, they used to alternate years with the families.  However, FI isn't big on leaving the house on Christmas Day.  He'd like to have a nice meal at home, play with the toys that Santa brought (his son is 8) and just relax.

    This year we will spend with my family but next year I agreed (without hesitation lol) to start our own traditions.  I can't stand half of my family, sab but true.  We've already discussed going to Disney over Christmas break.  It something I have always wanted to do since I was a kid and he happily agreed. :)

    EDT:  I forgot to add that my mother will be highly pissed off at that.  lol

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  • I think parents have a hard time remebering what it was like to be newlyweds!  My parents are okay with me not seeing them xmas day, but FILs are not!  they should understand though becuase their parents were always around adn never gave them privacy.
  • Most of FH's family is local and mine is in Oregon, so the plan is as follows. 

    This Christmas and Thankgiving we will be spending it locally.  FH'd Mom is hosting Thankgiving and we will do Christmas morning just us but probably go over to their house for dinner.  At some point on both days we will Skype with my family back in Oregon.

    Next Christmas, and at some frequency thereafter, we will travel back to Oregon to spend it with them. 

    His mom is in Florida and at some frequency we will visit her aswell.

  • We spend Thanksgiving with FI's family, since they live in Cincinnati, as do we. Christmas is usually spent with my family.  When we first started dating, FI and I went back East on the 22nd and spent my birthday (the 23rd) and Christmas with my family. We did second Christmas here when we got back, which I missed due to food poisoning.  Ugh.

    Last year, we spent Christmas Eve with his parents and drove back East on Christmas Day. It was a blast. Ten hours in the car, very little traffic, fresh coffee and hot chocolate and lots of yummy treats we packed for the trip. FI proposed that night, which was a total surprise.

    We plan on doing the same Christmas Eve/Christmas Day trip this year, but as husband and wife.

    Once we have kids, I'm sure all that will change. We are lucky that our families are pretty easy going about all of it.

    I hope you guys find a way to make yourselves happy over the holidays!  :)
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  • We spend Thanksgiving with FI's family, since they live in Cincinnati, as do we. Christmas is usually spent with my family.  When we first started dating, FI and I went back East on the 22nd and spent my birthday (the 23rd) and Christmas with my family. We did second Christmas here when we got back, which I missed due to food poisoning.  Ugh.

    Last year, we spent Christmas Eve with his parents and drove back East on Christmas Day. It was a blast. Ten hours in the car, very little traffic, fresh coffee and hot chocolate and lots of yummy treats we packed for the trip. FI proposed that night, which was a total surprise.

    We plan on doing the same Christmas Eve/Christmas Day trip this year, but as husband and wife.

    Once we have kids, I'm sure all that will change. We are lucky that our families are pretty easy going about all of it.

    I hope you guys find a way to make yourselves happy over the holidays!  :)
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  • Having been married before, and also having a grown son that is married, I would definitely suggest rotating the holidays to accommodate each family's traditions and wishes (including your own)   I know everyone has different ideas on what they like to do for the holidays, but I think it creates bad feelings in the family to suddenly decide to never participate in what might be long held family traditions.   I dont think I always appreciated that type of thing when I was young (teens and early 20's) but now that I am in my 40's and I miss my kids that are grown and gone, I really wish I could go back in time to some of those holidays we were all together.
     
    As for FI and I, we live in a different state then most of our families.  But we will try to get together with them for some holidays the best we can.  The gathering spot seems to kind of rotate around the families a bit.
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  • In Response to Re: NWR-how to spend the holidays:
    [QUOTE]Having been married before, and also having a grown son that is married, I would definitely suggest rotating the holidays to accommodate each family's traditions and wishes (including your own)   I know everyone has different ideas on what they like to do for the holidays, but I think it creates bad feelings in the family to suddenly decide to never participate in what might be long held family traditions.   I dont think I always appreciated that type of thing when I was young (teens and early 20's) but now that I am in my 40's and I miss my kids that are grown and gone, I really wish I could go back in time to some of those holidays we were all together.   As for FI and I, we live in a different state then most of our families.  But we will try to get together with them for some holidays the best we can.  The gathering spot seems to kind of rotate around the families a bit.
    Posted by ladydaisy[/QUOTE]

    it would be a different situation if my FMIL asked me personally to spend the holidays with them, but she just assumes we will. or even worse, she only talks to my fiance about it. i get that his parents are being hit hard and fast with 'empty nest syndrome' as their son is getting married and their daughter went away to grad school...but i'd like some respect for my wishes as their son's wife.
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