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Overthinking etiquette?

ldybug78ldybug78
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in North Carolina-Outer Banks

I went to a wedding two weeks ago and the priest sat at our table for dinner.  Then I got to thinking, am I supposed to invite Rev Jay to eat with us after our ceremony?  I hadn't thought of it but now I don't know the etiquette on what to do- do I look stupid if we do invite him to stay since we don't know him or are we rude if we don't invite him. Also, do we tip him?  I went on the etiquette board and the answer was wishwashy to me.

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Re: Overthinking etiquette?

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    obxlaurakobxlaurak member
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    edited December 2011
    I have no clue.  I think someone like Rev Jay wouldn't expect to be invited to the reception.  However, if it was the reverend from your home parish, then maybe? 

    FWIW, I don't plan on inviting our officiant. 

    No clue about tipping. 
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    sarahebrownsarahebrown member
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    edited December 2011
    Good question! I'm not sure what the etiquette is on this actually. Our officiant is a friend, so he & his wife will be at the reception regardless. If that weren't the case, and we had enough food, etc I would probably at least ask him if he would like to stay.
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    ms_teachms_teach
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    edited December 2011
    We went back and forth on this too.  Our officiant mentioned that she had sometimes been asked to stay and that the food was very good. We had one extra seat, so we had a spot for her at his family's table.  The plan was for DH to mention to her that she was welcome to stay since he would be seeing her before the ceremony, however with all the preceremony chaos he forgot.  When she said goodbye/congrats to us after the ceremony I didn't realize he hadn't already asked her to stay or I would have then.  Embarassed

    We didn't tip.  Since she does this as her own business and is paid pretty well for the twenty minute ceremony and limited time needed outside of the actual ceremony to get ready, we didn't feel it was necessary.
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    JENNIFERMCKENZIEJENNIFERMCKENZIE member
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    edited December 2011
    We did not tip Rev. Jay. We did ask if he would like to stay but had another wedding after ours.  He stayedfor maybe 20 minutesand hung with the wedding party.  After the ceremony we had a "cool down" periodfor the bridal party.  We made sure that before we ask them to smile for 30 minutes we should probably give them some food and a beer/glass of champagne.  If you have the time, I would highly suggest this!  You will have better pictures if every gets a little time, food and alcohol.
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    mparwulskimparwulski member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina-outer-banks_overthinking-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:598Discussion:dd3a0b13-bf87-4b0e-b10e-dc6b1f687bfePost:6dc43c76-2540-4b7a-aec0-847e940e316a">Re: Overthinking etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We did not tip Rev. Jay. We did ask if he would like to stay but had another wedding after ours.  He stayedfor maybe 20 minutesand hung with the wedding party.  <strong>After the ceremony we had a "cool down" periodfor the bridal party.  We made sure that before we ask them to smile for 30 minutes we should probably give them some food and a beer/glass of champagne.  If you have the time, I would highly suggest this!  You will have better pictures if every gets a little time, food and alcohol.
    </strong>Posted by JENNIFERMCKENZIE[/QUOTE]

    Hmmm, good thought.  Our photos are right after the ceremony.  But maybe I'll have some big buckets of cool drinks brought onto the beach.

    I am using Rev. Jay too and thought we'd invite him to dinner, especially since it's an evening ceremony.  After researching, I didn't think a tip was necessary, but thought I'd give him a gift card.
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    Krhoy20Krhoy20
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    edited December 2011
    I was wondering the same things....I do plan to invite all of our vendors to stay for dinner, but I don't think many will- except photographer, since he will be there all night and the DJ.
    I wasn't planning on tipping, I feel we are already paying them for a service and many of the vendors are the owners so aren't having to pay for much. I do plan on tipping the bartender and I hope everyone else does too!!!!
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    ldybug78ldybug78
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice everyone.  We will ask Rev Jay to stay and we made sure we ordered an extra meal- if he doesn't we'll have leftovers.  We won't be tipping.  I appreciate all of your input
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