leaping before i look?

ranneban · November 2010

I may be setting myself up for disappointment here but hey -when is life ever not disappointing. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years and I think this Christmas maybe the one! If anyone has any advice on what signs to look for whether it happens or not, feel free to share! We've had the marriage talk and it is something we both want and its been 3+ years so I feel its time. We were Christmas shopping the other day and I pointed to a jewlery store and said we could get my gift today if he wants to stop there and he just made a joke about it and said he wasn't allowed in those stores, that he only was allowed in lowes. -any suggestions/advice?

aleighk1 · November 2010

Don't get your hopes up. I only knew when my FI was doing it because he can't keep secrets and he let it slip.

You will be very disappointed if you think he's going to propose and he doesn't. Just let it happen.

M&R7111 · November 2010

I had no idea until 30 seconds before it happened.

Can't help you there.

Fingers crossed, though!

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

Don't try to force him or guilt him into proposing. When he's ready, he'll do it. If you want to take control of the situation, then maybe you could try to propose to him, but don't try to twist his arm into doing it before he's ready, and don't drive yourself nuts expecting a proposal every time he suggests that you go out to run errands.

ashley1721 · November 2010

I thought that for 5 years, until I finally said "we are getting married"! lol but surprisingly my FI told after the fact that he would never have proposed at a big holiday he would rather do it when I wasnt expecting it at all. But I know exactly what spot your in and it sucks, im sorry that your just waiting, All I can think of for signs is that right before he proposes he will probably be really nervous, and maybe quiet beforehand, especially if your with all your family on christmas.
Good Luck!!

J&K10910 · November 2010

Don't look for signs. Wouldn't you rather be pleasantly surprised when it does happen instead of being disappointed when you think it will but it doesn't? Just relax and let it happen.

glam70s · November 2010

Do I ever remember being in this situation. I started thinking he was going to do it around the 3 year mark, and I continued hoping for it around every corner for about 6 years after that before he finally did it..

Don't do this to yourself, you'll go crazy and be extremely disappointed every time it doesn't happen. Eventually (speaking from experience here) that will start to put a major strain on your relationship and could delay it even more.. Just try to relax and it will happen when it happens. If you've had the marriage talk and you're both on board, you don't need to wonder whether or not it's going to happen at all, so just take it easy...

redheadfsu · November 2010

My only suggestion is have a timeline talk. Not a ring or else type of thing, but a "in 1, 3, and 5 years where do you see us at?" type of thing. Honestly, thinking that every holiday/ special moment is about to be a proposal, really takes the fun out of your relationship. Just relax.

mkrupar · November 2010

You are going to drive yourself bananas if you think every special day/holiday means a potential engagement. Enjoy your relationship in the moment and not for what it could be. Don't pressure him and let him do it on his own. I don't have any signs for you to look for. Sorry

ranneban · November 2010

Thank you everyone! I guess sometimes I just get ahead of myself since we are the only ones of our friends who are not married or have/having/trying to have children. I guess I just feel left out sometimes from the rest of the girls who get to talk about their wedding, wedding plans, rings, honeymoons etc.. (which is arguablly the biggest fantasy every girl has). Im trying to learn patience, and he is a great guy and I know that he will do it when he is 198% ready and it will be great---just learning patience

soontobeschooley · November 2010

I was in the same position as you. Just remember, you may have your timeline, but he also has his. He'll do it when he's ready. I tried to push FI and it caused a lot of tension because I was ready and he wasn't.

And I did kind of know it was going to happen, but I can't really think of clues. I just kind of knew.

Xtine22 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_leaping-before-look?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:009d4063-7d85-46b1-9c05-ab8ea10109dfPost:5d0806c5-b651-4f9a-a93c-e3391e99b29f">Re: leaping before i look?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do<strong> I ever remember being in this situation. I started thinking he was going to do it around the 3 year mark, and I continued hoping for it around every corner for about 6 years after that before he finally did it.</strong>. Don't do this to yourself, you'll go crazy and be extremely disappointed every time it doesn't happen. Eventually (speaking from experience here) that will start to put a major strain on your relationship and could delay it even more.. Just try to relax and it will happen when it happens. If you've had the marriage talk and you're both on board, you don't need to wonder whether or not it's going to happen at all, so just take it easy...
Posted by glam70s[/QUOTE]

This..

Steph0871 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_leaping-before-look?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:009d4063-7d85-46b1-9c05-ab8ea10109dfPost:4f86e80c-2fe7-42be-894b-1b24f47de207">Re: leaping before i look?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't look for signs. Wouldn't you rather be pleasantly surprised when it does happen instead of being disappointed when you think it will but it doesn't? Just relax and let it happen.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>Listen to J; she is wise.</div><div>
</div><div>H and I dated for 5 years before we got engaged. The last 3 Christmases I thought "IT" was finally time. By the time he proposed, I had given up expecting it and was pleasantly surprised. I much prefer that :) Although, he did give it away the day of by spoiling me with 6 dozen roses, all delivered at different times.</div>

simbidi · November 2010

Although FI and I had already "unofficially" decided that were getting married, the formal proposal caught me so off guard that I thought he was pulling my leg! He was down on one knee and I was telling him to stop playting around. He said "is that a yes?" Lol!! Let it happen and enjoy it when it does.

garcias1 · November 2010

I agree with PP. FI and I were together for 6 1/2 years before he popped the question. We had talked about getting married all the time for years before that; both of us believed that we were "the one" for each other. But finances and jobs and all kinds of things play into the process. After the proposal, FI told me that he wanted to propose to me a year before but was not financially ready to do it, so he saved for a year before he didn't. This was both for the e-ring and so that he would have some sort of wedding fund for us.

The good thing is that you are ready to say yes when he does propose (which will prevent any awkward moments), but you have to wait until he is ready to ask. GL, and when it happens, I'm sure it will be totally wonderful.

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_leaping-before-look?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:009d4063-7d85-46b1-9c05-ab8ea10109dfPost:2173c941-f5f0-49ce-b9b5-079418b7d598">Re: leaping before i look?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone! I guess sometimes I just get ahead of myself since we are the only ones of our friends who are not married or have/having/trying to have children. I guess I just feel left out sometimes from the rest of the girls who get to talk about their wedding, wedding plans, rings, honeymoons etc.. <strong>(which is arguablly the biggest fantasy every girl has)</strong>. Im trying to learn patience, and he is a great guy and I know that he will do it when he is 198% ready and it will be great---just learning patience :)
Posted by ranneban[/QUOTE]
Please don't stereotype like that. There are plenty of women out there whose life's ambitions aren't wrapped up in another person. I know I personally didn't start thinking about weddings or anything like that until I actually had a ring on my finger.

megk8oz · November 2010

Personally, I was looking at him down on one knee with diamond ring in his hand right in front of me and I still didn't know he was proposing until the words "marry me" actually came out of his mouth. So, yeah, I got nothing as far as "what to look for" goes.

It's been said a million times already, but seriously: just don't think about it. You will drive yourself nuts ... and when the time actually comes, it won't be nearly as enjoyable for you as it could be. As long as you're both on the same page in the sense that you both are aware you will be eventually taking that step together, just let it happen naturally.

mellimel19 · November 2010

I agree with the other posters to just let it happen, so that you don't end up disappointed at every vacation, holiday, family function where it doesn't happen. Besides, sometimes there are no telltale signs. I had heard from some friends that they knew it was happening a certain day because he was acting funny or nervous, or because he picked her up all dressed up in a limo, etc. I had a suspicion because FI took me on a weekend getaway that he planned himself, when normally I do all the vacation planning/research. But really that's all I had to go on. He wasn't acting out of the ordinary at all, didn't freak out when I went into his overnight bag to grab something, nothing.

jenmitens · November 2010

I completely ditto everything. I had to wait 6 years, we talked about marriage for 3 years prior. We even went ring shopping. But due to some serious family illness anything that he might have had planned was put on the back burner. Finally, he told me it would be in the next six months (beginning of 2009). So EVERY single time we did ANYTHING, I thought to myself this is it!!! He's going to do it!!!! And then nothing, and I started to get sad, and started to question if it was going to happen at all. It wasn't until a random Saturday, when I was miserably sick, we took the dog for a walk, and he got on one knee. Then I started to cry hysterically and kept asking if he was serious. He was. Not exceedingly romantic, he didn't confess his love for me in poem form, but I love my engagement story. It's us, and I still look back and laugh and smile. I really made things difficult for him, I REALLY didn't want to go for that walk, I wanted to take some cough medicine and sleep all day, but I'm so glad I did.

Ranneban, from everything you have said, it seems like it will happen, but let him surprise you. When you look back in 5, 10, 20 years, you'll be happy you let him do things his way. And no matter how it happens, you'll look back and smile too.

Um, but I also found a whole bunch of quotes for rings in the back of one of his dresser drawers, so I knew it was getting close. (I do the laundry, and lets face it, he's not the best hider of things)

Drseussgrrl · December 2010

I was the same way. In fact, the minute he graduated from his master's program I started expecting the ring. I didn't get it until three months later. I drove myself mad thinking that "this could be it" starting around the 2-year mark. It was closer to the 3-year mark when it happened. I'm not sure why there is such a discrepency between timelines for men and women. I knew he was the one and he felt the same. I guess I was just ready to get the show on the road.

DanielleZZ · December 2010

I was the same way. We were together over 6 years before he proposed and after the 4th year I started to go crazy! I tried not to push him but he definitly knew I was ready. My FI was the same way, hating to go into jewerly stores and I thought every special event could be the "one". The signs I started to notice were that he seemed more mature and more domestic, wanting to help with chores, coming home more after work, he just seemed more invested in me.
Try to relax and just enjoy your relationship, having a 1, 3, 5 year talk is a good idea.

bellaxanthe · December 2010

Here's my only advice (from a girl who waited 4 years and knew after one he was it). Be the girl he wants to marry while being your best version of yourself. No guy wants to be around a girl who is constantly bringing up marriage, even if it is in a joking manner. Don't fall into the trap of thinking it is lurking behind every corner or you won't be able to enjoy the life that is happening right before your eyes.

It will happen if it's meant to happen.

flapper2011 · December 2010

Getting your hopes up only leads to disappointment. My FI and I have been engaged for almost 3 years, are less than a year out from our wedding date, and I've still yet to get an e-ring. I admit, at holidays and birthdays I get my hopes up that "this is it", but that only leads to disappointment. My FI has said he'll get me an engagement ring before we get married, but who knows when that will be! Hopefully before next Novemeber! :-p

leaping before i look?

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