I don't really know where to post this, and have been struggling on whether or not to even write it. It is connected to my bridal party in the sense that all my sisters (real, IN, step, and FSIL) are my bridal party. But it's really a family problem, one that I need some kind and unbiased opinions on. I'll try and make it as short as possible.
A few months ago my stepsister was in town, she lives across the US, and at a dinner told my sister, SIL, and I that my dad molested her 18 years ago (she's 26.) She said she told her mom when it happened. Our parents had been dating 2 years at that point. Her mom told her that they could either go to the police, and both her and my dad would go to jail, or they could keep it to themselves. That she loved my dad and would be sad if anything happened, but that if it happened again she would leave him. (Messed up beyond belief, but they put her into therapy for it, my dad had therapy, and 4 years later our parents got married.)
She said my dad was going to tell us the next time my brother was in town (he lives out of the country,) but that she felt she needed to tell us because we are at the age where we could have kids. My brother and SIL already have a 2 year old.
I am very close with my family. With all of my siblings and both my parents. This has been heartbreaking, for all of us. And honestly we're all struggling to accept it and try to move on. Imagine someone you love telling you something like this about your father, who you have always loved, respected, and is a really really good person.
Since then things have collapsed. Her mom has left my dad and filed for divorce (her reasoning being that her daughter "needs to heal.") I think she just can't handle it that it's come out that she knew and married him anyway. Now they've been telling everyone and anyone. My stepsister has told us that she has no problem with my dad. That she has healed as much as possible and moved on.
So fast forward a few months to now. I have been waiting for things to resolve. My wedding is the beginning of March and she is a bridesmaid. Initially, I was going to keep it that way, unless she wanted to withdraw due to her own feelings. My family is now asking that I pull her from the wedding. (Not my dad, he says to do what I want and that he doesn't want to sway any of our feelings towards my stepsister - that none of this was her fault.) But my siblings and my mom, as well as my best friend who is my MOH, are asking me to talk to her about not being in it. They say it will be hurtful and awkward for them. (The Facebook thing, along with outright telling everyone. Also, a lot of what she has posted doesn't jive with what she has told us.) My FI doesn't want her there, but says he understands that I am the one in the hard spot here and he'll understand whatever decision. I honestly don't really want to deal with her being there either, but am uncomfortable kicking her out.
So no matter what I do, people are hurt. I was raped at 15 and can't honestly imagine wanting to be around my dad if I were her - I just can't fathom it. It would be horrible. She has told my sister she still wants to be in the wedding, but understands if I need to make a different decision. (I've talked with my stepsister since all of this happened, but not about the wedding.) I am uncomfortable either way. If she is there, my siblings/mom will be hurt. If I ask her to not be, she will be hurt.
I honestly just don't know what to do anymore. This has been such a nightmare few months. The bridal shop said the girls need to order their dresses at the beginning of October; I feel like I'm running out of time. If this were your family, what would you do?
Oh, I just realized I didn't really say that my dad will still be at my wedding. He is my father and I love him; we're all working on...everything.
Edit: Went through and cleaned up some of the details to make it shorter. She posted the whole story on FB, which we have family on, and now everyone on both sides of my family are aware of the situation.
