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People Inviting Themselves...

mrmrshadder9mrmrshadder9
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We have had not 1 but 2 people private message us on FB to provide their addresses for an invitation to our April wedding...they were not on the guest list but now what do we do? 
I have a very large family, it is a second wedding for us both and we paying for everything ourselves. Our guest list is already 30 people over our initial budget, enough is enough.
We do not know how we are to respond to these people...(neither one of these are close but we see them twice a year at a family golf & Christmas Eve party) besides who invites themselves to an family friend/acquaintance's wedding? We certainly do not want to hurt anyone's feelings but....
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Re: People Inviting Themselves...

  • daveANDkristendaveANDkristen member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    It is awkward but unfortuantely you need to reply to these people (preferably not on facebook if you have another way of contacting them) and say that unfortuantely you were not able to invite everyone you wanted to but you appreciate them thinking of you and FI.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I would just respond that unfortunately, you're unable to invite as many people as you'd like. They're being rude by asking, but if opens up that you have to answer the question with an answer they might not like. 

    I might just delete and say you never got the message though. 
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:People Inviting Themselves...:[QUOTE]I might just delete and say you never got the message though. Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

    I like this idea. Except I think Facebook has read receipts now. Darn Facebook.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-inviting-themselves-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0be3d92d-688b-48a1-bed6-6dd6b684a12aPost:20e6c3fd-c13b-45bc-992d-be1d2cc0a3fe">Re: People Inviting Themselves...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would just respond that unfortunately, you're unable to invite as many people as you'd like. They're being rude by asking, but if opens up that you have to answer the question with an answer they might not like. <strong> I might just delete and say you never got the message though. </strong>
    Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

    <div>It shows up now with a time stamp when you read it. </div><div>
    </div><div>Ugh. Some people!  I just can't imagine inviting myself to someone's wedding!  I agree to just respond that you are not able to invite everyone you would like. Repeat as necessary and change the subject if people persist. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Damn facebook. 

    Then I still sya you respond back. They asked a rude question, so they might not like the answer. 
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  • Belle0720Belle0720 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited February 2013
    At least they did it over facebook pm so you have time to think about responding! I've had people say things like that to me in person. Similar to what PP suggested, my answer has generally been something like, 'thank you, we are having a very small wedding and haven't finalized the guestlist yet'. Hopefully now that STDs are out, those people realize that they aren't invited and stop asking. Otherwise I guess I will have to have that awkward 'sorry we couldn't invite everyone' talk too. Good luck!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Since Facebook emails can be tracked, I'd respond with, "Thanks for your address; unfortunately we're not able to invite everyone we'd like."
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just because they know you read it doesn't mean you need to respond.  You can't play the "oh we never saw it" card if they bring it up later, but you're not required to respond to their pushy note. 

    I'd personally ignore it.  If they bring it up again once STDs / invitiations are out then you can use the "sorry we weren't able to invite everyone" line, but until then I don't think it deserves a response.

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  • RWolffRWolff member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Is it possible that a member of your family verbally invited these people??? I just can't believe that not one but TWO people decided you needed their address. How ridiculous!!
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I had a few people who had messaged me when we first were engaged asking when I would need addresses. I replied to them that we weren't even going to start thinking of guest lists until a lot closer to the wedding. Some of FH's relatives even asked for the date on FB and I gave vague time frame so it isn't blasted all over for everyone to see. Like PPs have said you can just ignore the message. You are not obligated nor being rude to not invite them or owe them an explanation. They were being rude by just assuming they would be invited. You could always send them a Christmas card next Christmas or send out an announcement after the wedding.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • rsannarsanna member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-inviting-themselves-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0be3d92d-688b-48a1-bed6-6dd6b684a12aPost:f883ce86-938f-4ac9-9b00-b552d6b19328">Re: People Inviting Themselves...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: People Inviting Themselves... : I agree with this. Double check just to be sure nothing was said at Christmas. If nobody invited them, simply say you had to keep numbers down and are disappointed you couldn't invite them.
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    <div>I guess I don't see why if someone else invites people to her wedding that she has to invite them. I'm sure if that is the case it could help explain it, but I don't see why she should have to invite people she didn't invite. </div>
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to Re:People Inviting Themselves...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: People Inviting Themselves...:In Response to Re: People Inviting Themselves... : I agree with this. Double check just to be sure nothing was said at Christmas. If nobody invited them, simply say you had to keep numbers down and are disappointed you couldn't invite them.Posted by TXKristanI guess I don't see why if someone else invites people to her wedding that she has to invite them. I'm sure if that is the case it could help explain it, but I don't see why she should have to invite people she didn't invite.nbsp; Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

    That was my thought unless it was a friend or relative of her parents or her FFILs. Wouldn't the faux pas be on the person who said they were invited when they weren't on the guest list?
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • ladybug480ladybug480 member
    10 Comments Second Anniversary
    This may be a dumb question, but you didn't post anything along the lines of, "Hey facebook, starting on the invitations soon, so please send along your addresses!" Because if so, expect a lot more random people thinking they are invited.
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